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demonictruth's avatar

Post break-up tips?

Asked by demonictruth (455 points ) January 9th, 2011

So my girlfriend of two years that I really love to death just broke up with me. I’m about ready to throw myself off a bridge because I can’t for the life of me come up with some way to not be depressed. What should I do to help me get over this? I’d really like an answer A.S.A.P. if possible. Thank you and have a nice day.

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28 Answers

CaptainHarley's avatar

Throw yourself into your work or studies.

ucme's avatar

She obviously wasn’t “the one” for you. While I appreciate this is a shitty time for anyone involved in the breakdown of a relationship, the fact is you’ll move on. That’s what people do. Meanwhile, that special someone you’re destined to live out your life with is out there somewhere. Fate, destiny & the passage of time determines when & how that will play out. Now, you wouldn’t want to deny yourself, or indeed her that wonderful day, would you?

janbb's avatar

Call a close friend and hang out with them. Being with understanding friends has always helped me the most when I’ve been dumped.

choreplay's avatar

First of all, don’t throw yourself off a bridge or anything of the sort. Look inside yourself for dignity and strength and realize tomorrow is another day. Learn from your mistakes and realize spring comes around again and again and again. Hold you head up and get around other people even if its not where you want to be at the moment. Realize the tomorrow it will be a little better and the day after that will be better yet and so on. Its the ones that break up with us that we have a hard time getting over, so don’t think its about her.

Joker94's avatar

It’s a rough time, to be sure. It’ll take time, but you’re gonna be fine, man. I recommend hanging out with some of your close friends, the ones who you know will have your back. If you’re comfortable with it, talking about this can also help get a lot out of your system. Like I said, it’s gonna take time, but you’ll pull through.

TexasDude's avatar

Throw yourself into a big group of friends and distract yourself with them for as long as they can handle you. Do fun things. Anything to keep your mind from drifting back to the girl. It will take a while, but you’ll be ok and you’ll notice that the pain fades each day.

I was going to post a song for you, but fucking youtube doesn’t know who the legendary Merle Kilgore is or his song “More and More” which would be perfect for you right now. Oh well.

Good luck mate. I’ve been there, done that (dumped by a three year girl, once) and it sucks, but you’ll come out stronger in the end.

Jeruba's avatar

The suggestions above are good. I’ll add mine: do three new things, starting right away. Three things that are new and different for you. Here are some ideas:

• take a nonacademic class in something you’ve never tried before: ceramics, guitar, auto mechanics, sewing
• volunteer for something: distribute books at the hospital, teach kids to use a computer, do carpentry for a local theatre company
• plant a garden; or, if you’re deep in winter, plan one
• write a novel
• join a group: country dancing, philosophical discussion, ethnic/cultural society, bowling team

Pick something that’s outside your familiar rut, something that will take you out of your comfort zone and stretch you a little. You don’t have to like it at first. Give it a try anyway and see what happens.

TexasDude's avatar

@Jeruba brought up two good points I forgot about… creative outlets and community service.

Sometimes, you can channel your negative emotions into a creative outlet. And other times, it’s good to expand beyond yourself and to focus on helping others in need to give you some perspective and help you to value your own life again after your trauma.

Kardamom's avatar

Keep busy, busy, busy like @Jeruba said. And by busy we don’t mean drinking and sitting in your house all alone.

Get out. Go out into the sunlight (darkness makes it worse) and fresh air. Force yourself to get up and go for a walk or go to the gym or do some type of exercise at least once a day.

Make yourslef a list of things that you will do instead of thinking about her or instead of dwelling on the “why did this happen.” Sometimes you’ll never know why this happened. It could be a million reasons. Don’t weight down your carry-baggage wondering about the whys.

Make sure that your pantry and fridge are filled with nutritious foods like fruits and veggies and low fat milk and decaf tea and whole grain bread and nuts. If you have a lot of junk food (like chips and candy and cookie and soda), get rid of it now. You will be tempted to eat it (a lot of it) and it will make you un-healthy and you’ll feel worse.

Make yourself a list of fun/interesting things that you’d like to do in the next several months with some good friends (only the supportive ones, not the ones going through the same thing) examples of fun things:

Go for a short hike in your nearest mountains or park

Walk on the beach and throw some bread crumbs to the ducks

Get out your camera and take some cool landscape photos of some funny pictures of your friends

Go check out an exhibit at one of the museums (planes, trains, art, science, space etc.)

Less fun, but very helpful, drag out some old clothes, books and other junk from your closet and donate them to the local charity thrift store

Look up some recipes online for something (healthy) good that you’ve wanted to try for a long time. If you don’t cook, have another friend come over and help you learn to make it.

Go to the Zoo (bring your camera)

Take a short day trip on a train (because it’s fun) to a neighboring city and have lunch and take in the sights

Plan a camping trip for this coming summer (with good friends)

Take in a sports game at your local high school

Go ice skating

Take an art class

Rent some old comedy classics like Young Frankenstein, Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Blazing Saddles (with a group of friends bearing pizza) go super-easy on the beer.

Have a barbecue with a bunch of good friends. Go super-easy on the beer.

Hook up with some friends that have a dog and go walking with them, and tummy rubbing afterwards. Watch out for dog breath, but have a good time.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Keep your head up, chest out, and pretend it doesn’t matter. You’ll be glad you did.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Head to the shooting range. You’ll regain a sense of power that you’ve lost, and it’s very cathartic for releasing the emotions you’re feeling.

Cruiser's avatar

First off and most important is you are not broken. Don’t let having your heart cut out of your chest and stomped into the dirt take you out and make you think this is all your fault. Do think of the good things as that was why you went out in the first place but you have to think in the here and now not what might have been. You cannot predict the future and do not fret in the what could have been. Honestly, there are bigger….just as eventful days that you had with your ex ahead of you!

Now is the time to think of demonictruth and give yourself a much needed break. Do what you do best and don’t look back as the future comes fast and furious and you do not want to be distracted by your past!

hotgirl67's avatar

Listen to heavy metal and angry break up music for a while. Anything by Daughtry,Shinedown,and Linkin Park is usually good.Go do something that you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because of little miss ex girlfriend.Realize that she has a lot of crap to deal with that’s not your problem anymore.It is hers.

tranquilsea's avatar

I always found that allowing myself one or two days (max) of bawling time helped. Then I became uber busy with something or someone. Those intense feelings do start to subside in about a week.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Maintain your dignity, don’t talk trash about her, don’t call her or stalk her, don’t do anything that would make her think that breaking up with you was the best decision of her life.

For some reason, 18 months into a relationship is the point where most people break up. The newness of the relationship wears off, and the reality of compatibility sinks in. You really can’t do anything to keep a person, if it’s not there in you to begin with. The healing process moves a lot faster if you don’t have any contact with her. Delete her number from your phone, her e-mail address from your internet, unfriend her on FB. Do what you need to do so you don’t obsess about what she’s doing.

Stay as busy as you can. Volunteering is a great way to fill time and meet new people. Spend time with your family, work out, throw yourself into your books. Every day will get a little bit better.

Hang in there.

Joker94's avatar

I also recommend reading and music. Two things that kept me afloat during bleak periods were the band Smashing Pumpkins and the comic Johnny the Homicidal Maniac.

choreplay's avatar

All good responses

blueiiznh's avatar

First off as hard as it it, try to not think of her, Everything you do at this point is going to make you think of her. You need to find something to stop that.
Listen to music and TV that doesnt remind you of her. Treat yourself to something new there.
Call on a friend or two that are active so you can do some things that pull you away.
Hit the gym, find some activity that you have wanted to do that you havent.
A rebound relationship can help, but its not fair to the other person.
Do things that keep you moving and thinking.
No cantact is one of the biggest things to help. Don’t subject yourself to it.
There is a reason you twoare now ex’s. Accept it and distance yourself from it.
Acceptance is key.

janedelila's avatar

Oh @Kardamom I wish I’d had you around a little while ago. I sat in the dark, alone, with a bottle and listened to Type O Negative, crying. I didn’t eat, or sleep, or watch tv, or leave the house for months. I wouldn’t speak to anyone, and could have really used someone like you to slap me and say “Hey! Get up!” However…..he had no choice but to leave me.

demonictruth's avatar

All of you are awesome! Thanks so much to all of you as now I feel better. Almost happy. Even though I know that it’ll hurt for a while you guys have definitely been a huge help. (By the way I wasn’t ever really gonna throw myself off a bridge, I may be sad but even I know I have too much to live for)

So once again thank you, but by all means don’t stop posting. Any additional stuff will be great. You may even want to turn this into suggestions of specifics of what you did or would do. This is a social thread for goodness sake.

shniernan's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard – please go to bed every night knowing that you have made my day. You are amazing. :D (For the song and the courage wolf)

@demonictruth – You’ll feel the hole inside you every day.
You’ll work out, anything to stop the pain.
You’ll feel the days turn to black nights.
Regretting all of those pointless fights.

You’ll tell yourself that you don’t care.
Get revenge on her, you wouldn’t dare.
All of your friends will seem to turn to sand
but out of this you will become more of a man

Than any of their fake smiles and false laughs.
A stronger person, you will rise from the ash.
And she’ll look out her window at the rain…
I GUESS THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT WINDOWPANE!

Hey dude, you’ll make it through this, I’ll make sure of it.

(to everyone else out there, ignore the last two lines, yes i did just write this)

TexasDude's avatar

@shniernan, haha, glad to hear it!

tedd's avatar

Same thing happened to me a few months ago man…. and honestly, it blows. I’ve reached a point where I can get through a day without a mental break down. Just keep really really REALLY busy… its the best you can do… But honestly it doesn’t help that much.

Melatonin helped me sleep at night again.

Kardamom's avatar

@janedelila I hope you are feeling better now. Keep the list of things to do instead, posted to your fridge just in case you ever need ideas in a hurry. : )

demonictruth's avatar

Well thank you guys a bunch. It doesn’t help that I have four classes with her, but you have given me enough to keep busy and happy.

Kardamom's avatar

@demonictruth Ouch! Be strong!

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