When have the ladies of the collective been friend-zoned or dumped in favor of a jerk?

Guys, is anyone else thinking oh oh?

I was dating a guy for about a year. Because of rumours I’d heard as well as a hunch I had, I confronted him about whether he was sleeping with one of his roommates (it was a house-sharing situation – 3 guys and a girl). He denied it vehemently, we fought about it, and I ended up breaking up with him.

Three days later she had moved from her room to his.

What cracked me up about that other Q is that he somehow assumed it was about dick size, and not about his own personality. Really. Thank god most guys aren’t like that!

That said, my own stories are numerous and sad, often being called “too macho” because I am self-sufficient and won’t hire a plumber for small jobs, or wouldn’t ask the man in question to fix something that I knew I could fix just as well.
Favorite story about that. I had a boyfriend who often told me I was too macho, then when we saw Conan the Barbarian together I said “Wow, talk about macho” about the sword-wielding warrior blond. To which he replied: “Oh, no, she’s all woman!” perfectly seriously. Soon after that I stranded him in Erie, Colorado. HAH!

Word, @JilltheTooth. This was how I read that question:

“I only want to date beautiful women. Are women really so shallow that they ACTUALLY CARE about the size of a guy’s dick?!?!?!? They miss out on my AWESOME PERSONALITY because of my totally normal-sized dick!!!!”

I can’t say I’ve been “friend zoned” that much, but I have been friends-with-benefits zoned and lots of other things. Here’s a short list of awesome things guys have done to me:

1. A good friend of mine of many years had always had a crush on me. We are finally both single, and we hook up. He completely stops speaking to me.

2. I am casually dating a guy and tell him I’d like it to be more serious. He says he doesn’t have time for a relationship, too busy with work. Eventually I tell him I’m not comfortable casually “dating,” but I’d genuinely like to be friends. He completely stops speaking to me.

3. I have a one night stand while on vacation with a hot, fun, foreign guy. His girlfriend moves in with him the following week.

hey, I live near Erie, CO

@nikipedia: Ouch. That’s not fun.

I have a few of my own, but I wanted to hear what other people wrote and ladies, you’ve got some good stories!

The best one was probably the guy I was hooking up with as a freshman in college. He too, didn’t want a serious relationship. When he broke things off with me, I got the “You’re one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met and I hope we can be friends” line. Then he immediately started dating my best friend whom he had been cheating on me with.

Another time, I had a date with a guy which I thought went really well. Turns out, he didn’t think so but he asked me out a second time anyway. We made out, he told me he wasn’t interested in a relationship. When I asked him why he asked me out again, he said, “I just wanted to make out with you.” Then that great line again. I actually got my revenge on that one because he got the stomach bug that I was carrying but thought I was free of and he missed two straight days of work. I figure, if he hadn’t made out with me, he wouldn’t have gotten sick, but if he had wanted to date me, he would have a girlfriend taking care of him and he would have gotten laid. Sucks for him!

Honestly, I’ve been friend-zoned more times than I can count. In high school, I wasn’t the girl guys dated, I was the girl they complained to when that super hot chick didn’t want to date them. I heard “Why don’t girls like me?” an awful lot.

I had dated two girls in high school, but no guys until college. I got to the “we both know we’re about to have sex” stage with a guy I had met in my English class, and we were being responsible adults and revealing the relevant parts of our past history. This included revealing that I’d had sex with my second girlfriend. Let’s just say he was particularly interested in hearing about that (though polite about it). So I gave him a bit more detail than I normally would, which obviously excited him.

When I was done, though, he said “so then you’re still a virgin?” I explained to him that no, I was not, and I had just told him stories about sex. “Yeah, but that’s not sex. It was with a girl. No… you know.” No, I don’t know. There was nudity, there was penetration, there was orgasm—what more did he want? But he insisted it didn’t count.

“Well then,” I said, “I guess I’ll stay a ‘virgin’ a little bit longer.” And a month later, his roommate became the first guy I slept with.

Not directly on topic, but it is a “shallow boy” story. I’m still friends with the other guy. He proved to be very cool.

@Uberwench So you dumped a guy who was into you, and then slept with his room mate…. because you have different definitions of the word virgin?

I thought the stories were supposed to be guys screwing you over… lol

Well, the roommate was pretty cool. It wasn’t like I did it just to get back at the first guy. The problem was that the first guy wouldn’t accept that girls can have real sex. I was one of the only “out” women I knew. My first girlfriend made me hide our entire relationship because she was afraid of telling her parents (with good cause—I got death threats when I came out). It was pretty important to me at the time, and even still I think that attitude betrays a certain amount of ignorance and prejudice. So it’s a “shallow boy” story more than anything else, though he did ruin something I thought was going to be really good. I may have been angry, but I was also pretty sad about it.

@nah I’m just giving you a hard time. If I was him I would’ve just shut up and enjoyed knowing I was the first guy or your first in my own context. In the end he argued semantics and gave up sex over it. Pretty stupid if you ask me, lol.

@Uberwench I agree with your definition.

I’ve never been especially screwed over. My younger self was really wild and very persistent, and I think I scared a few guys off. When I was a freshman in college I was a guy’s first kiss and did just about everything with him short of intercourse. I could tell he wasn’t exactly comfortable but I just kept pushing. Of course he dumped me; I was an asshole.

Later that year I took a guy’s virginity. I thought things were going great; we had a lot in common and spent most of our time playing video games together and smoking up on his roof. At age 18 that’s pretty much all you need. Things were smooth sailing until the first time we had sex, and then he told me he thought he might be gay. My reaction was pretty insensitive, like, “is this my fault? Are you serious?” It turned out I was one of the first people he’d ever come out to. I really wish I’d handled that with more maturity, but anyway, he broke up with me a while later.

Ok, so about a hundred years ago, my very best friend and I were basically friends with benefits… I thought it was only because we had bad timing that we weren’t just a couple/boyfriend and girlfriend. Anytime he’d have a girlfriend, I’d be single, I’d find a new dude and he’d tire of whatever trollop he was dating at the time and dump her. The really horrible and twisted thing is that either of us would think nothing of calling the other up and saying “come over” or let’s go out and then we’d wind up having sex by the end of the night… so one of us was ALWAYS cheating. The last time this happened, I was single, he had a girlfriend… he showed up at the bar I was working and invited me up to the family cabin in the mountains. A small group of us gathered to drive to the family cabin, snow mobile, light a fire, drink and hang out the next day. (we had lots of mutual friends, and the guy and I were always together, so nobody ever thought twice about his girlfriends or my boyfriends)
To his surprise, his girlfriend showed up that night out of the blue. I was disappointed but figured no point in sulking or showing my disappointment, grabbed a beer and I started hanging out on the floor by the fire, talking to one of our mutuals friend … and this “best friend” of mine had the nerve to get jealous, because I was hanging out and talking with another guy! The guy that I always thought one day I’d wind up with, “dumped” me that night and a week later proposed to the girlfriend… THEN told her the nature of my relationship with him, so she of course forbade him from ever seeing me again…. And there you go! I lost my best friend and a really awesome booty call!
They have two kids now and she dyes her hair this ridiculous clown-orange red color and wears frosted lip-stick and blue eye shadow… ha ha ha! (ok, so I’m a little bit of a facebook stalker to know what she looks like now) I bumped into him at a convenience store a little while back… jokes on him, I still look pretty damn good and I left the frosted lipstick and blue eye shadow back in the 1980’s where they belonged…

@cockswain : That was in 1982 and as cute as Erie was, it was a bit rough to be stranded there for a guy from Bremerton, WA with no travel savvy and no friends there.

30 years ago it must have been a few houses surrounded by farms for miles

Pretty much, yeah. He told my friend he was only still with me for the ride back to WA, so I figured I’d deprive him of that. Very satisfying! Back in those days, even the natives called it “Dreary” Colorado…

yeah, well we’ve got a Jack in the Box now, so it’s hardly dreary anymore.

Honestly, I’ve been friend-zoned more times than I can count. In high school, I wasn’t the girl guys dated, I was the girl they complained to when that super hot chick didn’t want to date them. I heard “Why don’t girls like me?” an awful lot

Same here. It truly sucks that they think it’s appropriate to vent to us about problems with their crushes.

I find it very funny now that the popular media is full of references to the “free pass” list for guys. A man has a list of 5 women he’d get a free pass to cheat with, usually consisting of names like Angelina Jolie, Kate Winslett or whoever A List star they like. Yeah, guys, like that’s ever gonna happen.

She wouldn’t be on the free pass list if it ever could happen!

I got friend-zoned a lot, and even now, because I look “cute” and not “sultry/“womanly”. You know, that’s probably not it, but I don’t know why it is, otherwise. There’s nothing wrong with me, and it’s not that I’m out there chasing Francois Arnaud.

And the only men who seem to appreciate me now are men who stand on corners and catcall. Or they’re married. Virtually every other single man I know doesn’t find me attractive/isn’t interested. The last time a guy who appeared to have a job and a life chatted me up a few months ago, he only wanted a one-night stand and was approaching every woman at the get-together. :(

Oh, and the boy who’s young enough to be my son – but he doesn’t want a relationship, either.

I think the worst was my ex who pleaded with me to get back together with him after we broke up (he had been cheating with someone else) and when I said, we need to just spend some time being friends and working through our issues before I moved back into our shared home, moved the person he cheated with into said previously shared home, 48 hours later. Talk about hedging your bets!

Ladies, might I recommend eHarmony? I woke up lonely one day about 5 years ago, and created a profile. I went on a date 3 days later (but she looked nothing like her picture), then met my wife two days after that. I got a free gift card from eHarmony for only needing the service for about 9 days, so we gave that gift card to my mother-in-law. She married her husband she met on there a couple years ago. The person I first offered the gift card to, a co-worker, refused it, wasn’t looking for a relationship. A year later she went on there and is a month away from giving birth to her new husband’s child.

Just saying. Sounds like a lot of you just aren’t getting lucky meeting guys. Lots of bums.

Thank you @cockswain. I have been with my current husband for 10 years and he didn’t need to hedge his bets :-) Glad eHarmony worked for you though and for so many people you know. That is nice to hear. And there are lots of bums, but there are also lots and lots of really great men out there.

Hey in fairness it flows both ways. I’ve been screwed over by a number of girls in my day.

@tedd: Oh, I know. But that other question was one of those, “This woman did me wrong so all women are awful” questions and I am so sick of seeing those on fluther. So, I thought I’d give the ladies a chance to be unreasonable and judgmental about men. Though, it turns out, most of these girls have very good reason to be pissed at these ex-lovers.

@KatawaGrey, I think you should balance out the karma, and ask for happy stories, next :)