Social Question

mostlyclueless's avatar

What advice would you give to a friend who was in this cheating situation?

Asked by mostlyclueless (696 points ) June 3rd, 2011

A friend of mine who regularly makes bad decisions with respect to sex recently had an intense makeout session with a girl who is getting married next month. They have been close friends for many years.

The girl who is getting married decided to tell her fiance so that he wouldn’t hear it from someone else, but in her version of the story, the guy drunkenly forced himself on her and she immediately stopped it.

Now, friends of the couple are hearing this modified version of the story, and are furious with the guy. He doesn’t want to tell the truth (which, admittedly, isn’t that much of an improvement) because he doesn’t want to ruin her future marriage (which sounds pretty doomed to me).

I am appalled at the behavior of both parties, but trying not to be too judgmental. How would you respond if you were a friend of this guy?

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14 Answers

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WestRiverrat's avatar

Get some popcorn and find a good seat in the corner booth at the bar. Then watch the show.

marinelife's avatar

They are both equally to blame.

Your friend just has to fall on his sword and take a hit for the team to save the lady’s reputation.

I feel sorry for her fiance.

I think that you should stay out of it.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Actions speak louder than words. If he has a reputation of getting drunk and forcing himself on women, then yes, people will believe it. If he’s not that kind of guy, then keeping his mouth shut and being a gentleman will cause the truth to surface eventually. Guys who act like gentlemen get accorded the benefit of the doubt. Eventually, someone will say, “You don’t seem like the kind of guy who…” to which he gets to say, “I’m not.”

Stay out of it. Not your drama.

mostlyclueless's avatar

Well, I am “out of it” as I don’t know the fiance or the finacee personally. The guy is an old friend and I just had no idea how to react when hearing this story. I get the sense he thinks he’s a martyr, keeping this secret and letting his own reputation be tarnished to protect the girl.

He is kind of a sleezeball. I guess he deserves what he gets. I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell the fiance. Poor guy deserves to know.

BarnacleBill's avatar

He will figure out on his own. I think sometimes young women do this sort of thing because of fear of commitment. Telling him is a poke in the nose; they always shoot the messenger first. If Mr. Fiance has any doubts about Ms. Fiance, those doubts will surface on their own, in good time. Some things people need to learn on their own. The reaction to “the woman you love is a slut” is never “Thank you! Glad you shared that!” unless the guy already knew it.

mostlyclueless's avatar

If Mr. Fiance has any doubts about Ms. Fiance, those doubts will surface on their own

Not so sure about that. I think sometimes people see what they want to see. But who knows, maybe he’s fine being married to a lying cheating whore and looking the other way.

latinagirl56's avatar

well idk people here say
stay out of it but the
fiance deserves the truth
even though its not any better
and besides their future is probably
already ruined cause the girl is lying
and if she can get away with this she’ll
probably get away with anything else

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Me, I drop them both as friends but not before letting them know why. Not only are they cheaters because she has a fiancĂ©e, they’re cannibalistic friends. She threw her supposed guy friend under the bus by making him out to be a sexual aggressor which marks him as bad news to any future women but he is accepting this position which means he has no self respect and/or doesn’t care how he comes off by reputation to other women which makes it look like he doesn’t respect women in the first place.

In good conscience, I could never attend a wedding after learning this and I’d be very angry at any supposed friend who’d expect me to keep quiet if ever directly asked about the incident.

JLeslie's avatar

Stupid is as stupid does.

Just stay out of it. They are all a mess. If they are very young, maybe they will mature and it will become a nothing that should never have happened. But really, I cannot imagine making out with someone right before I get married. Bad sign. Everyone I know who does shit like that are horrible spouses. Hopefully, that won’t be the case with these two.

Your_Majesty's avatar

I wish that guy could say “What’s done cannot be undone. It was my mistake, I am truly sorry. I know you will never forgive me and I don’t expect you to forgive me.You can be furious or mad but there’s nothing you could do now. My relationship with her is over once and for all and I don’t care about her anymore. Let us just move on for better future”.

There’s nothing he could do to harm this guy anyway. There’s no law that prohibits someone from cheating with other people. He will move on eventually. He (cheater) will cut any relationship with this girl as the consequences of their own action and to ensure better future for both.

perspicacious's avatar

Seems no character in your little story has integrity. I would want to have nothing to do with any of you. I hope her fiance doesn’t marry her.

Cruiser's avatar

I would stay way out of it as anyone who characterizes a “friend” as one who “regularly makes bad decisions with respect to sex” is really not a friend but instead is merely judgmental in their approach to a situation they have no business in.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

I’m not sure I could continue to call someone who did that a friend.

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