Is a relationship doomed to not work if conversation doesn't often flow?

Maybe he will relax a little more given some time.
You say you are happy,comfortable and have fun with him!Why don’t you just enjoy him for what he is and how things are right now? :)

Let him know how much you like being around him and enjoy the silences. If he gets more relaxed and isn’t trying to make conversation it might flow easier.

He used to be super quiet, it took him a while to actually open up more =). I really do like him but sometimes I kind of panic and think we wont’ work out with conversations. Phone conversations suck but in person seems to be better.

It depends on whether the person is shy or not. If someone is shy they will find it difficult to get conversation flow or it takes time to overcome the shyness and then the conversation eventually gets better….

Perhaps you could learn to be more comfortable with silences. You could call him taciturn. Many a woman has a good relationship with a taciturn man, but if you have to talk more than you are talking, that could be trouble.

You should know that the Fluther Comprehensive Relationship Manual (FCRM) says nothing about a successful relationship having to have flowing conversation all the time.

Neither does the Fluther Guide for Interpersonal Relationships (FGIR).

I like the silences but sometimes they need to be broken. I’d say he’s a man of few words because once in a while he can ramble on. LoL, at least he talks and says what’s on his mind but he is short with what he says and straight to the point.

I don’t notice it in person as much as I do on the phone conversations though.

What do you mean talk more than you’re talking?

FCRM? is there really such a thing? LMAO

Well, in most male female relationships the women talk way more then the men. I just posted last night on facebook that a few days ago I was babbling about something, and about two or three sentences in my husband said, “J, white noise.” If when you are having conversation you have to carry the whole conversation, or if he almost never starts a conversation, it always has to be you, that can get frustrating. My husband, when he gets home after work wants a certain level of quiet, and to relax in front of the TV. But, we really enjoy watching the TV together, so even though we are not talking much we are enjoying each others company.

However, silence while eating is a little odd to both of us. Not that we have to talk the entire time during dinner. But, it is actually my husband who will look at a couple in a restaurant saying nothing to each other and say, “they have not said one word to each other for 20 minutes.”

So, some of it is situational to me. Some people need more quiet time, and being at home is their place for that.

What matters most is what you both decide as a couple. Whether you are happy with the situation amd his personality.

My hubby isn’t much of a talker. He is a lot of other things though. Out of the two of us I talk much, much more and that’s one thing that attracted him to me.

He starts conversation but I feel like I sorta carry it on more because I talk a lot more. But then again, with everyone I feel like I always carry conversation. We don’t sit in complete silence at a dinner table for 20 minutes but it’ll be like 5 minutes of not saying anything really. I think there are times when I’m quiet with nothing to say and times where I have a lot to say. With him I just think its more of a rare occasion where he rambles.

I really like him a lot…the way he treats me, he’s so sweet and thoughtful. I never been in a relationship where things just didn’t stress me out or worry and I feel special. He makes me laugh even though he isn’t the comedian to everyone else lol.

Like I said, I mean he talks and says things on his mind but not full on conversation sentence and sentence after sentence.

I think what matters is if you both can communicate when you need to understand each other. You are talking about general conversation. One of the things that matters most in long relationships, in my opinion, is being able to talk through each others goals, desires, feelings, etc. I could never be with the silent treatment type, very passive aggressive. My husband has a touch of it, his family is extremely passive aggressive, but he is not anywhere to the extreme as them, and he does not hold long grudges. I don’t think we have ever stayed angry with each other more than a few hours. His family stops talking to relatives that piss them off for years at a time. The other thing that is important is having some things in common, then you can talk about those things.

Thing is, I feel like we’ve already talked about almost everything because well we stay on the phone for at least an hour almost every night. I mean, he’s capable of letting me know his feelings.

An hour every day is pretty good. My husband would not do that.

@chelle21689 Little trick for those silences on the phone: Just sigh and say you’re just enjoying being connected to him. Very relaxing little way to make him feel special.

Some people are naturally more quiet than others and that’s fine as long as the two of you are complementary partners. That means even though you might be quite different with your communication styles, you still feel fantastic when you are around this person or in his company.

On the other hand, if your communication styles are so different that it cause one or both of you to feel a lot of frustration, like if you feel like you have to constantly have to initiate or carry the conversation, than that situation, if it doesn’t resolve itself is going to become a bigger problem as time goes on.

Some people are able to deal with this situation (assuming that his communication style never gets any chattier) by having other people in their lives, whether it be friends or family, or even co-workers, where they are able to engage in a more talkative back and forth, give and take kind of style.

For me, personally, I would find it very hard to have a boyfriend/spouse that could not communicate on a fairly chatty level. I enjoy talking and conversation (deep and light, humorous and serious) but I don’t like talking to myself or feeling like I’m talking to the wall.

So you kind of have to figure out, simply by being with him for awhile, maybe you can give yourself some type of arbitrary time table to figure out if you think it’s going to work for you.

Have you told him how you feel about this situation? He may be so used to keeping his thoughts and ideas and feelings bottled up (for whatever reason, shyness or thinking that he doesn’t have anything interesting or intelligent to say) that he simply doesn’t know how to have a regular conversation. If he’s interested/willing to change, the only way you can really help him (and yourself) is to ask him lots of questions, and then ask follow up questions and get him used to doing this. He may be able to change his ways, or he might grow resentful of you trying to change his communication skills. It could go either way.

I’m sorry there’s no easy answer to this situation. I would give it a little more time, though and see how it goes.

The silent treatment would drive me crazy and just me…I could not stand not having conversation and lot’s of laughs with my S/O.

At Cruiser, we don’t sit in silence. Like I said it’s just talking but not really a conversation if that makes any sense? We do have a lot of laughs and are able to joke around though.

I think he tries to carry conversation though lol I mean I still enjoy his company.

@chelle21689 Then it sounds to me there is no doom and gloom in your future to fret about!!

I guess I worry too much. Happens all the time. With my ex I worried all the time but when I was with him I was at ease.

When I’m away from my guy for two days at a time I start to worry about stupid things but when I’m with him I’m happy and no worries.

I’m a weirdo. I need to stop worrying about stupid stuff ALL the time. I wonder if I’ll ever stop.

@chelle21689 Don’t try to find trouble. Enough of it comes our way without us going and looking for more.

thanks for the fortune cookie quote :P hehe

Maybe I just found my calling. XD

No, not all. True friendship (and romance) comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. You know your relationship is in a good place if you can enjoy each other’s company even when you have nothing to say at that moment. Admittedly, this dynamic works better in person than on the phone, but that’s OK. Not everyone is a good phone conversationalist. That just means you need to spend more time together in person than on the phone.

In time, you’ll probably find that your conversational styles will balance out (i.e. you’ll become more comfortable with silence, and he’ll open up more). He sounds like a great guy and you seem to get along well, so enjoy your time with him and see where things go from there.

@chelle21689 reading what you have written I could have sworn it was my girlfriend describing me. We have different conversational levels, and it was a lot of work for me for a long time to keep it going. But we talked about that, and we have both made an effort: me to share more, her to be patient with me.

This is new to him, and he is giving you all the right signals, and you are falling for him. What @lonelydragon says is much more eloquent than me, you have chance at a good long healthy relationship with someone who cares about you. Nurture it.

zenvelo, i might have to keep u in mind since you are similar to him in conversation styles. i think u might be better at it though since you seem to be on here typing a lot and giving advice and such. :) I really do like him though, I don’t think I’m in love yet but it’s definitely special

Well thank you, you can PM whenever you wish. I am not sure how old you and your guy are, but I am in my 50’s and it took me a long time to work on being conversational. And I can write better than converse..;^)

My husband can talk if he’s in front of 100s of people. He pipes right down as soon as he’s in a group of 5 or less. He’s not silent but he’s also not as gregarious as he is when he’s the centre of attention. That’s where I take over lol.

We’ve been married for 17 years so this has worked for us.