Social Question

blueberry_kid's avatar

Boy Trouble #2: Am I too connected to boys?

Asked by blueberry_kid (5653 points ) October 23rd, 2011

There is a boy, whom I just met. Well, I didn’t just meet him, but I’m just gettin’ to know him. He’s really nice, very sweet and doesn’t insult me like this douchebag. He’s very funny, and did I mention really nice?

Now, here’s the problem. There’s two of them. One isn’t much different than the other. The only difference: thier names. And one is a little more outgoing than the other, but that’s a different story.

They’re both very nice and everything that I love in a boy. But I feel like it’s wrong to like two guys.

Is it?

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12 Answers

SpatzieLover's avatar

At your age? What you are feeling is completely normal.

This is the time of your life to figure out what you like in a love interest.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s not wrong for anyone to be interested in several people at once. If you’re not dating either of them then it’s up to you to get to know them better and weight what their interest back at you is, which one you’d like to see.

Pandora's avatar

Nope, perfectly normal. I once liked twins at the same time. I like one at first because I thought he was sweet and smart and compasionate. I didn’t like his brother because he could be a jerk and he had a real macho attitude that was obnoxious. However, I realized he never patronized me for being a girl. When he would challenge me to a game he never held back. His brother did and that started to annoy me. I started to like the jerky brother and then I realized I no longer felt the same about the nice brother.
Never did date either but I did start to figure out as @SpatzieLover said, what attracts me and what doesn’t.

Kayak8's avatar

You are 14 . . . as @SpatzieLover said, developmentally this is exactly the time that you are supposed to determine what appeals to you in others (as friends, as romantic interests, etc.). Being a teen is a really special but very confusing time as you are supposed to try and figure out a boatload of stuff that will impact the rest of your life. Just as a babies job is to learn to walk and crawl and a toddler learns gross motor skills, etc., it is a 14 year old’s job to learn about who they are and how they relate to other people. This is a normal time to be going through this kind of exploration. Just as a toddler falls and hits their head on the coffee table from time to time, you are going to have some stumbles of your own. If you remember that you are practicing a bunch of skills that you will need as an adult, the occasional “bonk on the head” as a teen (although painful at the time) is worth a million bucks toward your becoming a healthy adult.

Mariah's avatar

There’s nothing wrong! But I think you’ll find that no two people are exactly alike, and as you get to know these two boys better you’ll understand their individuality better.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Dating two guys at once, and being in a relationship with two at once is a different story. I can see all being OK, if everyone knows there is no exclusiveness going on at the moment. If there is sex involved with both, overlapping and neither of them know there is another, or it is not going anywhere but for the physical, well……..

majorrich's avatar

At your age it is natural to be interested/intrigued my many different kinds of boys. Dating a lot of different kinds of boys will give you an idea as to what you are looking for in a more long lasting relationship. Of course some discretion on your part is very important because I know something about how girls talk.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t think you can be a boy whore unless you are a boy.

There is no need to hold yourself to one boy at a time. They are merely boys, for one thing. You aren’t going to be doing much that is very serious and if you are, that is the time to narrow things down. But if you are just dating or making out or fooling around, then there seems to be no reason to be exclusive. But if you start to get to really like one of the boys and they also really like you, then it’s time to stop fooling around with the other boy.

Also, be honest with everyone that you are not exclusive at the moment.

Sunny2's avatar

One of your jobs at your stage of the game, is to learn to be a friend. It’s fine to be friends with more than one person. Some girls get too emotional about boys before it’s appropriate. Be friends. Have fun with friends, but don’t be in a hurry to make it more. I remember the imaginations of me and my friends at your age. We knew it was just that, but it was fun to imagine. It was interesting to meet those same 8th grade friends when they were all grandparents. Their basic characters were pretty much the same as they were at 14.

LuckyGuy's avatar

You’re normal. But as you go thorough life try to think of the Golden Rule and consider the situation from the other person’s perspective as well as your own. How would you feel if a boy you liked was interested in two girls – both of them very much like you. Would you want him to be honest and tell you he is dating both girls? Would you want to be misled?

I know I am going to sound like an old geezer but someone has to say this. Your primary job now is to do well in school. Listen in class, do all your homework, learn something. Believe me, the boys will come. But once you miss something in class it is gone.

TheIntern55's avatar

It’s okay. There are WAY worse people than you who do this kinda thing. Just in my grade.
I have a theory that the more time you spend with a person, the better you will see their flaws. You could spend time with each of them for a while and you’ll see which one is better. For me, sometimes I end up realizing I don’t like either of them.

wundayatta's avatar

Oh blah. It is way too easy to see flaws. Why not look for what is good in a person; for what you like. Always looking to tear someone down as part of some winnowing out process—that’s what leaves people alone at the age of 40.

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