General Question

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

How can I see and stay in contact with her?

Asked by Vincent_Lloyd (2958 points ) October 28th, 2011

Well like the title says, how can I keep in touch with my S.O? Last night she came over to my house and we fell asleep (it was almost 10 PM or so) And her dad came by to pick her up, and I guess was mad about that…Took away her phone and her laptop, and is now banned to go to my house… I guess we could all say that this is sort of like my incident I had with the movies and not having my phone on, and my mom not having me be able to go to her house anymore…But back on topic! All of that happened…and now we can’t see each other…Not really even at school since the only time we see each other is at lunch (like 25–30 minutes or so) before school (15–20 minutes ) and after (varies on who’s picking me up…but it’s not very long) we don’t have any classes together and we only go the same way 2 times out of the whole schedule we have…It makes us both sad since we wanted to hang out for Halloween… But I see that won’t happen anymore…We now have no contact with each other…And I don’t want anything to happen to her… Oh and also, her parents never gave her a curfew, so they basically grounded her for nothing, and also considering when they say grounded they don’t give a specific time…Right now she’s still “grounded” from her parents long long ago! And I think it’s an unfair thing to do…But how can we have it so we can see and stay in contact with each other? What should I say to my mom so that I’m able to go to her house…?

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19 Answers

XOIIO's avatar

How old are you?

gailcalled's avatar

From earlier posts, he is 14.

@Vincent Lloyd:

Why have you and your mother not worked out a set of ground rules after all the confusion and earlier issues? You seem to have an ongoing struggle with your relationships with your girl (both former and present) and the adults in your lives.

Here is a similar question from July, 2011, which refers to an even earlier similar question.

http://www.fluther.com/124902/how-can-i-get-my-mom-to-an-understanding-and-agreement/

I would also take issue with you, at 14, having a significant other.

snowberry's avatar

Write long letters, and pass them at lunch. Lots of people have carried on long distance relationships. You won’t be the first. And I second what @gailcalled said . You really need to resolve this. It’ll mess up more than your social life.

XOIIO's avatar

Dude, take it easy, its jsut a high school relationship. Things will work out for a while, but this isn’t going to last. People change way too much at this stage, so just go with whatever happens.

Ela's avatar

I agree with @snowberry. Write letters and pass them with instructions as to opening (like at sunset, in a certain special place you share… be creative!) Write love notes, poems, make her cds with special songs on them, movies… It takes extra effort. Lots of people make long distance relationships work if both parties are committed, take the time for each other and want it to work. You have the advantage of actually seeing her some during the day, make the most of it. Don’t talk about parents that don’t understand. Take that time for each other.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

@gailcalled Lately my mom’s been gone since she works on an airline…So She’s been gone majority of the time since of bills and all, but I mean I’ve tried talking to her, and she won’t reason with me, if anything knowing how the current situation is going now I’m gonna attempt talking through to her again…She just gets so angry though and that ruins everything, even when we’re trying to have a normal and/or soft spoken talk… And well me and my girl don’t have issues…It’s just that the adults around us (parent wise) Put up these obstacles that are just seemingly impossible to overcome… And @snowberry well at lunch we’re with each other, I’m no too sure what you mean by that on the passing notes part, could you..explain more or give an example? And yeah I know….It’s messing me up emotionally and mentally the more I think about it…

gailcalled's avatar

You write a long letter and give it to your girl when you pass her in the hall or when you see her in the lunchroom or before school. Read @EnchantingEla‘s comment again. She is clear.

I just reread several of your earlier questions; you do seem to be in a muddle. Is there no one to help? A school counselor? And how do you manage if your mother is gone a majority of the time. Does she leave you alone at home to cope? Not good.

RocketGuy's avatar

Write a letter to your mom too, if she has no time to talk.

emptynestinco's avatar

Poor baby. Relationships at your age are so hard. This is the main reason you should avoid them. I completely understand how you feel. You have adult hormones, adult urges. I’m very glad you posted the question. This shows you are struggling to be an adult. But you are not an adult. Parents panic. I would call or ask to speak to her father. If your father is not a role leader in your life, tell him that. Tell him how you feel about his daughter. Ask for permission to see her with supervision. I have always been very, very honest and have found that is the easiest way to be. I wish you all the best, sweetheart.

gailcalled's avatar

@RocketGuy: That’s a brilliant idea.

snowberry's avatar

@Vincent_Lloyd I exchange letters at the end of lunch. Read ‘em on your own time.

You think life is hard now? It will be really hard when you are out on your own. When you have to pay your own bills, figure out how to feed yourself, work, and be responsible.

Do ask the school counselor to help you get a plan in place to help you be responsible. If I were a school counselor, I’d be amazed and intrigued if someone came to me with a request like this.

DrBill's avatar

So we have a 14 year old boy, alone in a house with a 14 year old (assumed) girl, and then you list bad parenting as a tag? Her father acted correctly. whit no parent at home, you should have been alone, or in a public place.

If you are going to have a relationship, you need to take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming parents for your bad judgement. You need to issue an apology to your Mother, her Father, and her. Furthermore you need to admit it was your lack of good judgement, ask for their rules, and follow them to the letter.

You may feel like an adult, but the fact you blame the parents, proves you still have some growing up to do. One of the traits of being grown up is when you are wrong, admit you’re wrong, and accept the consequences of your actions.

creative1's avatar

I suggest watching a few of the episodes of 16 and pregnant then picture yourself in the guys place and her in the girls place because the way all this sounds is if your parents don’t step in and stop you two it maybe where your heading. Teens and hormones should never be left alone like that for long periods of time especially when a bed is close by.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

@DrBill well I’m blaming the parent father on for accusing of calling the cops on me if he found out we did anything. I mean sure they’re aren’t perfect parents out there since there is really no such thing as perfection in ones eyes. But I don’t consider myself an adult since I know I need a lot more of growing up to do. They call me a man, when I am really…No man at all. But we weren’t left alone, my sister was with us. So it wasn’t just me and her alone in my house. And @gailcalled no she doesn’t leave me alone by myself..I have my sisters…but I rather not be a burden to my mom since she’ll blow things out of proportion and plus she wouldn’t understand fully…She would only think she would… And school counselors I don’t trust too well since I don’t know them well enough that they have gained my trust also considering that the district doesn’t do anything on the bullying issue I had awhile back when I was in middle school, I honestly don’t expect them to really help if I were to tell them the issue on this…Plus considering how her parents are…I’m sure she would just end up getting hurt more in the end…and I don’t want to see her in pain…She already has too much pain and I want to be the one to ease it…And ease it, right. And yes I understand that it’s a good thing that he panicked. Since I mean it was getting late…I get it from the parental point of view, I would panic if my daughter or son was out later past 9:30 PM but all I can say about his parenting methods in general is that him along with the rest of her family is that she can’t rely on them…Yet it’s sad that…My sisters actually look out for her, more than her parents seem to do…And it makes me sad….But I do really thank you all for the replies. I’m very grateful for them all.

snowberry's avatar

Vin, I like you, foibles and all. When you’re confronted with a situation, you actually consider and respond thoughtfully to all of us “old fogies”. It’s a good trait to have, no matter what your age! Get creative with the letter writing and have fun with it!

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john65pennington's avatar

Sorry Vincent, you made this mess and now you are going to have to learn to live with it.

You made a cardinal mistake of “going to sleep” together.

If I were the girls parents, I would have made this punishment for my daughter or even worse.

I hope you have learned a lesson from this. If you two are fortunate enough to be together again in the future, just remember to play by the rules of her parents. jp

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

@snowberry thank you very snowberry, and Yeah I’ll try my best right now I have a big plan for when out 10 month anniversary comes up :P I only hope she likes it. And @john65pennington Well we may have fallen asleep on each other but it’s not like we were in a bed naked and we fell asleep. It was just on the couch while we were watching a show. And no we didn’t have sex before that XP and yeah I can say I’ve learned many lessons in my life, and I’ll be sure to use them well when I’ve become more mature age and mind wise. And I should consider myself a lucky one that I’m with this beautiful woman now.

harple's avatar

You could play this to her father… :-)

He may well recognise it, and it may make him realise that yours is not the first case in history of a young couple falling asleep together… I wish you luck.

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