Social Question

rebbel's avatar

A question about criticizing someone's favorite/loved/liked subject?

Asked by rebbel (23538 points ) November 18th, 2011

Today, in my job, the radio played a song of the band Coldplay.
My colleague said “hey, that’s Paradise from Coldplay, great song!”
I loathe them, and I said that to him.
I added that I can not hear his whining to me voice and think it is fantasy-less music that I don’t even want to hear as elevator music.
His face went a bit sour.
I felt a bit an a..hole for saying this as I had the idea that I ruined his feeling for the band.
Do you give, when it is not asked for, criticism about someone’s favorite band/writer/painter/etc.
Is it considered bad etiquette?
Feel free to convince me that Coldplay is a good band, if you wish, but I probably won’t change my mind.
Paradise…........, my ass.

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25 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Don’t worry I loathe them too. My partner thinks I’m an alien. He likes them a lot. And in terms of subjects, it depends..if I like the person, I’ll meter my tone. If not, fuck it, they’re hearing all of it.

Blackberry's avatar

There are people I admire, but I don’t get the worship thing either. I guess some people rely on emotions too much.

picante's avatar

I can be openly critical of choices in music, film, television, books, etc. if I feel I have a very good relationship with the person (where they’d feel free to offer the same criticism to me). I’d not be openly critical, and certainly not to the degree that you’ve described, if I didn’t have that type of relationship. Mostly because I wouldn’t want to get any crap back from them ;-)

zensky's avatar

Basically, you were insulting his preference, taste and choice in music. But then, to each his own. It’s impossible to be politically correct all the time, especially in an intimate setting like the workspace. Do you like coffee or tea? The colour blue or geen? How could one possibly go about having any kind of normal conversation without at times agreeing and disagreeing about one thing or another?

What I read between the lines is that you, @rebbel are a sensitive person who cares whether they have offended someone or not. That in itself is more than enough.

MilkyWay's avatar

I’d rather stay quiet, unless I dislike the person themself as well. I see no need to offend someone for such small petty matters.
Oh, and btw, I myself am a big fan of Coldplay :P

poisonedantidote's avatar

I will opely bash music, movies and books that I don’t like, and if you are offended then grow up. My favorite band is AC/DC, if someone bashes AC/DC then they are bashing AC/DC, I did not write any of the songs, it’s not a personal attack, and your dislike of AC/DC does nothing to take away from my enjoyment.

Why people feel so loyal to movies, music, football teams and all this other stuff is a mistery to me.

Male's avatar

I don’t mind criticizing someone’s favorite whatever. If I’m in the mood to give my blunt opinion, then I will. I know I may be “insulting” them, but I don’t care. I just feel compelled to take them out of their fantasy world and let them know that not everyone has the same beliefs. I feel as if they’re stuck up and I need to pull their head out of their own ass. If it were reciprocated and someone did the same to me, I wouldn’t feel insulted. I would agree to disagree…but that doesn’t mean I’ll see their perspective. I’ll just mark them as someone who doesn’t like X.

Call me an ass, but that’s just how it is. Sometime it almost feels good to pop their little fantasy about how “X is the absolute BEST and nothing can compare omgomgomg!!!11!1!” I feel as if some people need to be taken down a notch….

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I used to opine face to face more freely, somehow I thought I was amusing but after a bit I started to feel like an asshole so I started holding my tongue. People who know me can still tell when I’m not in agreement but at least I’m a lot less offensive.

Michael_Huntington's avatar

Coldplay? They still exist?
Eh, different strokes for different folks and different quirks for different jerks. I try not to criticize the person’s taste, but rather the music “artist”/band. I’ll only do so if someone wants my opinion.
However, if someone wants to trash my taste because they own the whole Beatles discography and they think they have a PhD in music, I’d be more than happy to rip them a new one.

Tbag's avatar

Hahaha, @rebbel Your final sentence made me laugh. ” paradise my *ss ”
Back to your question, I think it’s okay to some extent? When criticizing someone’s taste, as long as you respect the person you’re talking with, then why the hell not?!

Aethelflaed's avatar

I think it’s more how you went about it. Not “can’t say I’m a fan” or “meh” or even “you know, I really can’t stand them” and then not continuing. But going on and on about how horrible they are, that’s sort of the point where it becomes a bit rude. To each his own, sure, but you can say you disagree without ripping the thing to shreds.

rebbel's avatar

I agree with you who said it was too much to go on and on, I think that that was why I felt like a jerk at that moment.
Because I like the guy I feel I should have be milder in my critic.
@zensky Yeah, I’m a sensitive cry baby :-)

janbb's avatar

I agree too; in matters of taste, just saying “I don’t personally care for them” is probably better than ripping the band to shreds. I suspect that you didn’t ruin the band for him though, @rebbel ; he probably just thinks you’re an ass (sweetie.)

Dutchess_III's avatar

Or..not say anything at all, unless they ask your opinion. I’m not very good at that myself though!

muppetish's avatar

It depends on how it is phrased. Sometimes friends have told me “it’s pathetic when people like X” and I don’t understand that so much. I’m also pretty touchy about certain subjects—even in terms of art, because it means so much to me—and it can drive a wedge between friendships if they end up bashing it. But I’m not going to stop people from voicing their opinions and don’t want someone to feel as though they have to filter themselves when talking to me.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Eh, I don’t know, I’m a jackass when it comes to stuff like that, especially with off-hand verbal comments. So, since I’d likely have said something similar, yeah it specifically the second part was probably not the best etiquette.

But it’s good of you to be empathetic about how you might have come across to him. Well thought @rebbel.

martianspringtime's avatar

I do this all the time, and then wish I’d bitten my tongue because I usually sound like a jerk. Especially since I make fun of pretty much everything and tend to over-dramatize my negative opinions just for the hell of it.
Sometimes I feel bad though, and I’ll poke fun at something silly that I like, or say something somewhat positive about it – not anything I don’t believe to be true, of course – but something like “but I guess they appeal to a lot of people” or “but he does play piano pretty well,” etc. Or I’ll at least back up my remark, because I feel like giving some reasons for my opinion makes it less offensive and less personal. I won’t concede to anything when it comes to Taylor Swift, but I’ll try to explain why I don’t like her in an objective way rather than just the rant-y way I usually do when I’m not in company that swoons over her.

Anyway, I think it’s fine to voice your own opinion – why keep it to yourself? They expressed how much they like Coldplay, so it’s fine for you to express the opposite. Just keep in mind that it can be a touchy subject for some, like anything can.

stardust's avatar

I tend to give my opinion without being offensive about it. If I don’t like something, I’ll say I’m not into such and such a thing and leave it at that.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Not sure what the point is in making someone feel bad. If I don’t agree with someone’s taste in music, art, television, whatever, and they ask me outright if I like it, I’ll say, “Gee, not so much, I prefer (insert name of preference)”. I see no reason to be rude about someone’s likes. It’s not a hill worth dying on to assert your preference level in something like that.

jca's avatar

If I know the person very well, like a close friend, I might be totally honest, as in “I can’t stand Coldplay.” Otherwise, if I don’t know them too well, like if it were a co-worker I am not good friends with, I would just say “I’m not a big Coldplay fan.” I agree with @JilltheTooth – I see no reason to make the person feel bad.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I can’t stand Coldplay either! Anyway, If someone says they love something and I disagree then usually I will tell them but in a jokey manner. I wouldn’t go into great detail about why unless they asked but in the situation you were in I would have said that I couldn’t stand Coldplay and left it at that. I often express my feelings towards a song/band when they are played regardless of whether I know someone in the room loves it/them or not anyway. If I knew that someone would feel bad by me not liking a favourite of theirs then I wouldn’t say anything but, really, if someone lets something as simple as someone not agreeing with their choice in music etc, make them feel bad then they are not the type of person I want to get into too much conversation with anyway. I am very used to people expressing their dislike of the music I choose to listen to and it doesn’t offend me at all.

Dutchess_III's avatar

The thing is, he wasn’t asking for the OP’s opinion. There is no reason to criticize someone, risk a relationship (even if it’s ‘just’ a work relationship) for something so trivial. It’s just best to stay silent. ‘Sides. You never know. He or she might end up being your boss someday and THEN what cha gonna do!

XxBOOMxX's avatar

My dad told me that I don’t have to say everything I think.
My dad is a wise man.

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