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zensky's avatar

So now we're all jelly cowboys, eh? Would you like to participate in an Old West thread with me?

Asked by zensky (13280 points ) November 22nd, 2011

Digital Impression asked: If you were transported to (and marooned in) the wild west, which occupation would you obtain – in this thread.

Many jellies responded and it was a lot of fun seeing everyone use their imagination, and also reveal a bit about their fantasies.

Can we start a thread where we stay in character?

So I jokingly said “prostitute” – and I’ll stand, or lay, by it.

Try to come in to the thread talking a bit about your day, or night, and respond to each other in character.

I’ll start: I’ve slept all day, as I usually do, awaiting the evening for the bordello to open. Howdy folks, come on in. Take a load off.

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60 Answers

whitetigress's avatar

Well since I’m the only black cowboy in town, I’ll keep it quiet, I mind my own business, own my own business and drink a couple beers every Friday and Saturday night at the local bar. A mans passion is his own labor and my labor is farming cattle, true cowboy fashion.

augustlan's avatar

Zen, you were late to work. Do I have to whip you? Again? I think you like it, and are being late on purpose…

-Bordello owner

TexasDude's avatar

@augustlan, running a bordello is mighty taxing work, I reckon, and right dangerous to boot. Might I interest you in one of Richard Gatling’s fine reciprocating repeater guns in case your clientele gets on the rowdy side? It’s the favorite weapon of the Indian fighter, and even the US Navy is fitting her ships with them. If that’s not your speed, I offer a number of other sundries, vigors, nostrums, and patent medicines that you may find useful. I tell you what… Being a woman of surely refined tastes, and regarding the line of work you are involved with, I’ll cut you a deal: I’ll sell you the Gatling Gun, 1500 rounds of ammunition, and twelve dozen bottles of mercury tincture (for the treatment of venereal horrors) for $1000 plus a discounted rate for a few nights with one of your finest ladies. I’ll even throw in a bottle of Dr. Kilmer’s Swamp Root and a bottle of Sloan’s Liniment for free! Now tell me… Where else can you find such a deal on such quality necessities?

-Firearms dealer, patent medicinist, traveling sideshow barker, and general rabble-rouser.

augustlan's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard That’s a deal, son. Come on over an’ pick your poison.

TexasDude's avatar

@augustlan, don’t mind if I do, ma’am. I’ll have a whisky and the comely raven-haired lass for starters.

zensky's avatar

I’m blonde. Just saying.

FutureMemory's avatar

Well how y’all doin’ this fine evenin’? Zensky, sweetie, how about giving a little relief to a tired and lonely traveler. I just struck gold in them thar hills, so money is no object…

zensky's avatar

Speak to Auggie. Ask for the gold discount.

rebbel's avatar

@augustlan‘s clients’ horses let me know that they are waiting way too long for their owners to return especially the owner of the mount that visits @zensky complaints much, and their watering through gets empty.

Horse whisperer

Kayak8's avatar

@zensky Ma’am, a few of the boys have come to see me complaining of a rash on their nether parts. I think you may be due for a checkup.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Kayak8 Say it ain’t so…

LuckyGuy's avatar

Pardners, I’ll be running the Cash For Gold Assay Shop located right next to the bank. Don’t even think about robbing the place. I got shotguns behind the counter pointed right at you with strings attached to the triggers in case anyone tries anything funny.
Ask “Stumpy Coleman”. He’ll tell ya’.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@ucme It’s been a long time since I was in 6th grade – but that still makes me laugh!

Coloma's avatar

I’m already hippie cowgirl, no role playing here.

Come on out to the ranch and wrangle a goose or two and ride the wild mules.

Colomas Rockin’ goose ranch, after a long day of ridin’ the river trails put yer feet up for those gourmet happy brownies in the bunkhouse. ;-)

flutherother's avatar

Don’t forget the ‘Broken Wagon’ saloon situated on main and only street. We serve homemade whisky, genuine firewater and the finest gutrot this side of the Mississippi. (no added turpentine). Cactus wine available for the ladies. Gambling tables, brass spittoons and a pianer in the corner.Troublemakers will be shot.

Coloma's avatar

Here ya all go, we’ll mosey on down here, just a short ride from the homestead for some grub and suds.

www.colomaclub.com

flutherother's avatar

What the tarnation is wi fi. That ain’t no proper spellun.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Ma’am that is right kind of you to offer. S’ more tempting that a gold nugget in a whiskey glass.

Coloma's avatar

Why I’m mighty obliged sir, thankey kindly. ;-)

Coloma's avatar

Out in the west Californi town of Coloma, I feel in love with a mexican goose
Night time would find me at Marwyns cantina….. Oh, old Marty Robbins, now that there’s some fine musicality ;-D

Sunny2's avatar

Sigh. I saw him today. Just back from a surveyin’ trip. I wish, I wish, I wish…
Time to get the dough in the oven. Dang! (oops) I forgot to chop wood for the stove. Too much day dreamin’.

Kardamom's avatar

I’m so sorry to disturb you folks, but I was wondering if some of you fellers could high tail it out to my farm and help me do some harvestin’. I’ve got a crop of corn that’s in need of cuttin’ and my drunkard of a husband took off and left me all alone. I reckon he’s daid by now. I promise to feed y’all if yer willin’ to come out. Mama taught me how to cook up a mess o’ grub So won’t y’all come out and help a widder woman?

Coloma's avatar

@Kardamom

Hang on there missy, mountain mama Colomas’ on her way. Ya know us mountain gals do it best, shucks, we’ll have that crop put up in the barn in no time, then we’ll commence to a little shootin’ at the local saloon dogs, good fer nothin’ scoundrels!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Make it so, pardner.

Coloma's avatar

@rebbel

Hahaha…my cat who is used to the “neigh-bors” just freaked out and jumped up on the table to see where the horse was! lol

rebbel's avatar

Here exactly the same happened!
It was my girlfriend that jumped the table though ;-)

downtide's avatar

Sitting in the saloon with two fingers of wild turkey, wondering how come @rebbel got to my job first.

Anyone got horses need mucking out?

rebbel's avatar

@downtide What, are you a whisperer too….., or a whiner ;-) ?

downtide's avatar

None of this fancy whispering nonsense, I jus’ keep ‘em clean fed and well-behaved. And this ain’t wine, it’s whiskey.

Coloma's avatar

I jest came on in from a fetchin’ the muley girls some fine, juicy apples.
Nuttin’ like mule drool when they juice them apples. It’s a pourin’ down their chinny chin chins.
Then wouldn’t ya know it, them girls got themselves all in a ruckus, a pawing and a kickin’ and a fighten’ over them apples. Tarnation, stubborn as mules they be. ;-D

Sunny2's avatar

@downtide (I think it’s stables that get mucked out; not horses.)

Kardamom's avatar

@Sunny2 Lessen o’course your hosses done got finished eatin’ some rotten apples, then you gotta muck ‘em out : )

Symbeline's avatar

I’ll be that dumbass badass lone mercenary I talked about in that thread.

hangs out in some remote bell tower, thinking dark thoughts

Coloma's avatar

@Symbeline

Aw c’mon ya can be the cowgirl zombie slurpin’ along the trail with a hay twist in yer mouth. lol

Kardamom's avatar

Now I’m picturing the undead rising up out of their graves on Boot Hill with @Symbeline leading the way wearing a rotted Saloon Girl Outfit

Only dead.

Symbeline's avatar

The night has fallen, and the moon drowns in the black clouds, choking the once hot air with merciless cold.

I gots to recall this be a cowboy gig, not a frakkin vampire book. I could go for a slurpee and a sexy dress come the hour. ’‘horks a loogie’’

Ah reckon I could smite the soothe from my soul if I had one of em sexy dresses…must be some fool round eer who needs some bigger fool sniped to the seven hells…

’‘phantomly walks over to where people’s are all at’’

TheIntern55's avatar

I’ll be the one who cleans up after y’all, so don’t go make too much ofa mess, ya hear?

MilkyWay's avatar

(Comes up behind @TheIntern55 and shoots the ground near em.)
“I don’t like you very much.”

Symbeline's avatar

walks in

Yall gots ‘nee beers up in this bitch?

TheIntern55's avatar

@MilkyWay You just don’t want to do the dirty work….

Symbeline's avatar

I’m here to do the dirty work, fellas…morals? They died with my childhood years ago. Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters theme starts blaring

TheIntern55's avatar

@Symbeline Wrong movie genre.
This whole thing is starting to sound like a Mel Brooks movie.

TheIntern55's avatar

@Symbeline Hey, yous a gonna take my job. Enjoy it. These jelly folks leave a mess everywhere.

Symbeline's avatar

@TheIntern55 Ain’t a soul, not even in Hell, gives Velvet Tongue ‘nee orders…lest ya gots the cash to woo me with.

TheIntern55's avatar

@Symbeline Thas it! Tommorrow, at high noon, we’s a gonna duel, street sweeper to street sweeper.

Symbeline's avatar

Tomorrow…why not now…

TheIntern55's avatar

Okay. Draw!

Symbeline's avatar

That’s your soul talking…doesn’t have enough class to blow smoke away from rifle canon

TheIntern55's avatar

(shoots randomly)

Symbeline's avatar

Eh fuck this…beer’s on me. :)

TheIntern55's avatar

Alrighty new buddy. Les get drunk and be somebody.

Coloma's avatar

Meet ya atat high noon at the zombie corral.

MilkyWay's avatar

(Shoots all the bottles of beer in the saloon)
“Heh. I still don’t like ya very much.”

TheIntern55's avatar

So? I still don’t care. So ha!

Symbeline's avatar

Heaven and Hell, my gat dang beer!

Now who gonna clean up alla dis mess?

TheIntern55's avatar

(walks away whistleing)

zensky's avatar

Go ahead, make my day.

Symbeline's avatar

I’ll make ur day…at high noon. Ain’t no taser gaun fuck mah shit up. ’‘shows off tattoos’’

Eer’s mah twin cannons, Huggin n’ Muggin. Pleased to meet you, hope you guess mah name…

Course’, you gotta room and some fine Irish fightin’ drink, I may go easy on ya, feller.

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