I would like my enemies to be smitten. Any suggestions for the proper deity/demon/mafioso?

A really good lawyer is essential.

If you’re serious about it, I recommend doing some reading on the esoteric arts by magicians like Crowley. Esotericism is connected to existentialism through the manifestation of Will. The idea is that rituals are simply ways we give ourselves permission to manifest the Will. We live in a world of representation; that is, our dasein, our experience of the world, occurs through consensus with others. If one’s Will to Power is strong enough, it can sway the consensus in one direction or another. If one’s Will is absolute and higher than all others, one becomes the Ubermensch — effectively God.

There’s nothing magical about magic. In order to make changes to consensus reality, we manifest the Will. Since our Will is generally small and unfocused, we usually need to leverage this act of Will through tools. For example, Jesus said that faith so small as a mustard seed can order a mountain to throw itself into the sea… but we usually leverage it through tractors and dynamite. “Magic” is simply an act of Will strong enough that it doesn’t require quite as much leverage. So, for instance, when most people want to “smite” their enemies, they reach for a gun or a sword or a bottle of poison in order to sway consensus reality sufficiently to bring harm. With magic, you manifest the Will to being harm more directly, using symbolic rather than physical tools. In practice, this usually means harnessing a strong source of Will (such as sexuality) and focusing it through a symbolic weapon (such as a ritual or a symbolic phallus like a wand or an athame).

Good luck, Zarathustra.

Chuck Norris.

First of all, it isn’t smited; it’s smote. You want your enemies to be smote. Not smitten, either. If your enemies are smitten by you, you will never get rid of them. So you need them smote.

Second. Sober up. There is not smooting while drunk. It just doesn’t work. You end up smitten by yourself. Which gets you Narcissus. That’s trouble because you will spend the rest of your life looking in the mirror and there will be no smoting of any kind. Your wife will kill you, too.

It seems you want some kind of smoting god or demon. Zeus is the big one, of course, He smotes with lightning bolts. The original lasersaber, except he never messed around with some kind of sword fighting. He just threw his bolts and was done with it. That’ll smote you but good.

On the other hand, there’s Smoteward. He is the vice-demon in charge of smoting and chocolate cake. Don’t ask me how chocolate cake was part of his portfolio, I just made him up and that’s what came out. I did have a chocolate chip cookie this afternoon. From Starbucks. It wasn’t all that great.

Maybe that’s why Smoteward is so pissy and always spoiling for a smote. He can’t get any decent cake. Or maybe he’s a drunk and Dionysus got all the chicks… uh… beer. Chocolate cake and beer. I dunno. Not my cup of tea.

Anyway, Smoteward will have your enemies smoten just as soon as he eats his cake, or drinks his beer, or the next one, or the one after that….

Hey, you said you were drunk, right? Couldn’t this just wait until tomorrow? It’s too nice a night to go out smoting. Have another brew.

@wundayatta . . . I actually mentioned that I came to my decision while drunk.

Looks like somebody wants to be added to the smote list.

Dr. Phil?

I think the Hindu goddess Kali might be a good choice. And maybe you can make a necklace for @jonsblond out of the severed heads of your enemies, like Kali has.

Greek Goddess Nemesis, a remorseless goddess of revenge/divine retribution

Greek Goddess Poena, attendant to Nemesis and goddess of punishment

Erinyes, “those who beneath the earth punish whosoever has sworn a false oath”

And why not Deimos? God of/ personifcation of terror. That might be fun.

Man up and smite them yourself. Or god up and forgive them (”...to forgive, divine”).

Do something really nice for each of them and let them know it was you. It’ll drive them nuts.

You definitely need to write more questions.

@submariner . . . That was actually my first decision but an old smiting injury from high school has flared up on me recently and, unfortunately, I am under physician’s orders to refrain from any smiting for the time being.

“And seriously, forgiving is for pussies.” – Ghandi

I still – will always – admire Lincoln’s thoughts on this: “Do I not destroy my enemy when I make him my friend?” You have to admire that kind of devious good will.

Although I appreciate @rebbel“s “Chuck Norris” sentiment, I fear he is misguided. Personally, I would hire Vin Diesel for smiting. I would hire Chuck Norris for advice on smiting within a virtual gaming universe only.

@CWOTUS You also destroy your enemy by shooting a metric fuckload of cannonballs at him and burning Atlanta to the ground.

I’m quite handy with my shovel, and I could use a little extra money…

@SmashTheState Ah, good ol’ William “Tecumseh” Sherman, good way of saying, “Do NOT fuck with us.” :D

@Blondesjon Gandhi, not Ghandi. Get your lie straight.

Remember, a quick death for your enemies destroys any chance for them to grovel, beg, and regret having fucked with you.

@filmfann . . . I lived next door to the man in Portland for 15 years. Terrence Trent GHANDI is exactly the way he spelled it on the fucking mailbox.

You think you pulled a clever one champ, well, you’re wishin’.

Some unmanned drones.

I have no imagination. But sometimes you don’t need it to feel satisfied. Just slash their fuckin throats. You want somethin done right, you do it yourself. I forgot who said that, but it was either Stephen King or Nyarlathotep.

My whip is at your command, Jon.

Is it at my command too, Auggie?

Depends on what you’re wearing… is it sexy? :p

Is a granny gown sexy?

I’ll be right over.

I have brownies….Just sayin’

ALL DERAILERS SHALL BE SMOTE!!!

unless you happen to have a card stating you can get out of said smiting for free, in which case you could play that and avoid the smote this time

Now, back to the punishment of all my enemies and fuckers who cut me off in traffic or laugh at the part of the movie that has bee shown, like, 20,000 times in the trailer.

I do indeed have such a card. (Shakes tailfeathers at @Blondesjon .)

Um, not to put too fine a point on it, @Blondesjon , but if you haven’t figured out the way to smite, yet, (after all, that’s why you asked this Q), how are you planning to smite the derailers? Just curious.

Smite this.

You’re all being smote as we speak.

it’s a process . . .

When will I know that it’s happened? I don’t want to miss it, but I’ve got some mailing to do, so I’ll push up the scheduling for that.

I think you did something wrong, Jon. I’m feeling smitten, not smote.

Oh, is that it? I’ve been smitten with Jon since our first Happy Hollister connection. This I can work around… ;-)

Was it good for you?

I’m smitten, but not with you, @Blondesjon.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I think your plan backfired… that is, if I was included on the smitten list… I’m smitten with @JilltheTooth. She may smite me later if she so chooses, but as of right now, I’m still in one piece.

I think his plan seriously backfired, simply from a semantic blunder. We all seem to be being smitten right back atcha, @WillWorkForChocolate ! instead of smote. Maybe it’s the holiday season….

@Blondesjon See, that’s the beauty of it. I don’t need to be drunk to be smote. Or smoot, for that matter.

@wundayatta . . . Shhh . . . Why don’t you come back when we’re all done with our big group smite? I don’t really have time now.

Some of the Pslams are mentioned to cast down your foes.