Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

What aspects of your past or your personality do you feel there is a good chance people won't accept or understand?

Asked by wundayatta (58321 points ) February 3rd, 2012

I’m interested in finding out what kinds of things people feel they will probably have to protect about themselves because they don’t know how a new friend or a new romantic interest might react. Things that might be some sort of clicheed “deal breaker.” The more specific you can be, the better.

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21 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Sometimes I think I’m too open minded or so open minded people will think I have no morals or something. An example is how socially liberal I am: since I think that people can pretty much do whatever they want within reason, some people see that as me thinking I can do whatever I want, so they start thinking I do really strange stuff.

Or, if I entertain a controversial notion or situation or play devils advocate. Even though I may say something like “Let’s play devils advocate and assume we/I did do this…” it’s like some think I’m secretly whatever we’re discussing. It’s really annoying and limits deep conversation.

Jude's avatar

I have been known to self-sabotage in the past.

Getting better, though.

Seek's avatar

For the record, @Blackberry, I love your controversial questions.

Blackberry's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr The feeling is mutual.

Coloma's avatar

I don’t even think about this.
If someone doesn’t like a certain aspect of my personality I don’t take it personally. I can talk too much sometimes when I am excited or passionate about something, but, I am of good character so no character flaws that would turn someone off. I am honest, articulate and don’t play mind games.

I have been told that my personality is formidable yet sincere and also that no one ever has to guess where they stand with me.
I am kind and diplomatic but very straightforward in my communications.
I’ve long ago accepted that not everyone will like me, nor will I like everyone, and that’s okay. Actually, if anything, being a free spirited and ecclectic/esoteric type I tend to be attractive to conservative people, which usually bore ME to death. lol

I’ve had a lifelong frustration with those that have nothing to talk about other than their humdrum daily biz. and lack a sense of humor.

syz's avatar

There are levels of “hiding”.

I have family members that absolutely wouldn’t accept my social or political views, never mind my sexuality. So in the interest of maintaining a mildly congenial relationship, I tamp down quite a bit of my personality and beliefs.

Casual acquaintances don’t mean as much to me, so I don’t worry about what they think about me; it’s all pretty much out there. Same with new relationships – if they don’t like who I am, then why would I want to deepen or develop that interaction?

There are some facets of myself that I hide from my partner, things that are considered “outside of the norm” that I hide because I know she doesn’t share those interests, and may even disapprove of them.

Blackberry's avatar

@syz Yeah, I try to avoid telling any woman that I play video games :/

King_Pariah's avatar

Oh boy….

Self Destructive, Mutually Destructive, Simply just destructive, Narcissistic, Sadistic, immoral, amoral, selfish, nihilistic, I know my parents will never accept that I’m bi ish (Kinsey scale roughly 1.5), meddling, manipulative, mischievous, devious, deviant, masochistic, unsympathetic, schizotypal, schizoid, antisocial, depressive, self defeating, etc….

funny thing is, people can also use the exact opposite of everything I put up there (minus sexual preference) to describe me and they’d be right as well

jazmina88's avatar

Oh yes. I’m trouble. With daddy issues. and I may admit, I am narcissistic too. If I dont love me, who else will?

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I have bipolar disorder, and I keep that under wraps when meeting someone new. I learned the hard way that it’s misunderstood. Most people I’ve told in the past have left my life. It’s as simple as that: I reveal my mental illness and they leave.

King_Pariah's avatar

Lol, I should have clarified, I’m not sexually or physically masochistic, it’s more of emotional masochism, I kinda get a content sensation when I’m emotionally in pain.

Facade's avatar

My history of mental illness, being bi, being a liberal and also a Christian, my thoughts on preserving physical ethnic traits, I could go on. Did I mention I have very few friends?

dubsrayboo's avatar

I’m very much like @Hawaii_Jake in that I don’t mention my bipolar until later in the relationship. It’s just not something you bring up.

jerv's avatar

Aside from being a lot like @Blackberry, I add the fun of being an Aspie. Many don’t know what that is, others think of Rainman, Sheldon Cooper, or Abed from Community. So I often get thought of as more Liberal than I am, utterly immoral, and/or just plain freakish.

Mariah's avatar

I think people in college would have trouble understanding the kinds of worries that plague me, because most college age folks are healthy.

tinyfaery's avatar

I got around as a teenager/young adult. I ran away a lot. I did a lot of drugs. By the time I was 21, all the partying had gone out of me.

I’m not embarrassed, but my number would shock a few people.

YARNLADY's avatar

I can never run for president of the United States because I once belonged to a very unpopular organization.

SavoirFaire's avatar

“A very popular error: having the courage of one’s convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack on one’s convictions!!!”
—Friedrich Nietzsche

I can’t really hide it, but I’m pretty sure many people find it difficult to understand that I believe argument is a sign of respect. I want to have true beliefs, which involves having my false beliefs corrected; I tend to assume that you want true beliefs, too, which involves investigating your convictions for errors. I’m sure this has alienated some people who think friends should be the ones who always back you up, but it seems to me that it’s better to hear you have something stuck in your teeth from a friend who would never use it against you than from an enemy wishing to humiliate you.

Yeah, don’t mind me. Just feeling maudlin tonight.

augustlan's avatar

People may decide that some things (maybe even many things) about me are deal-breakers, but I don’t feel the need to hide any of them. I may not tell someone new every single thing about me right off the bat, but within a very short time, they’ll know everything about me. Whether they want to or not!

linguaphile's avatar

Up until pretty recently, I had almost completely lost who I was. I had hidden so much of myself away to the point where I forgot where I hid myself. I hid my convictions, my opinions, my personality, my hobbies, my skills, my creativity, my quirks—OK, enough of that, Lingua got tired of that BS.

Generally, people don’t get my convictions and how I can be paradoxical and genuine. People also seem uncomfortable when I become intense about my ideas and thoughts, and don’t understand that I mean no harm in disagreeing with them and my offer to work with them has no bearing on whether or not I have an opinion of their work quality. My actions are often defined by others’ stereotypical actions when my intent really is nowhere near the stereotype or predecessor. Because of that, I keep a lot inside.

Right now… What to hide and what to reveal… that’s currently under review due to new management.

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