Social Question

Shippy's avatar

Did you ever feel like you were flogging a dead horse?

Asked by Shippy (9857 points ) August 13th, 2012

In a relationship, whereby the person made promise after promise, but nothing materialized? How long did you stick it out for? And what was the turning point? I have had an internet relationship for 9 years, and suddenly I have woken up and thought “Can’t do this much longer”. The promises seem vague, the whole situation tiresome. I have had those feelings in real life too, with real partners. Not that I consider my net partner an unreal partner. But to me, love and care translate to daily living, in person.

So did you ever just suddenly wake as if from a deep sleep and just know it was time to move on? Was it a chain of events or a simple phrase they said, or action they did. The worse part is being disappointed in oneself. As that is how I feel.

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11 Answers

ucme's avatar

No, but I do sometimes feel like i’m giving a donkey a spot of mild verbal abuse, only because they can be such an ass though.

Supacase's avatar

Yes. It suddenly ‘hit’ me as I was driving a long distance. Several things clicked together in my mind all at once and it was suddenly so clear.

Sunny2's avatar

What you can’t change, you must give up and accept or move on. Your realization of that may be long in coming or sudden, but you know what you have to do. Actually doing it may be another hurdle. I wish you strength and courage.

Shippy's avatar

@Sunny2 Yes so true, and also it served my own purpose too. So I do take responsibility for it also. I guess I must be getting better(??). Smile!

Sunny2's avatar

@Shippy If you feel beter, you are better. Making decisions that are difficult to make and figuring out a plan of action are very freeing things to do. Makes you feel stronger.

Blackberry's avatar

Whenever I meet new people and have to do small talk. I just want to say, “Look, we know we don’t care about this, so let’s just talk about something else.”

janbb's avatar

Yes – exactly. I have had times in my life when I have “woken up.” One was the realization that I had to leave a job in a family business and the other was walking away from a painful Internet friendship (ahem).

wonderingwhy's avatar

The hell with the horse, I’ve beaten the rocks, turned to dust, upon which it died. It’s like a bad habit, you get so used to it you don’t even notice it, till one day something/anything draws your attention to it and you say wtf am I doing? Next thing you know you’re past it and looking back saying why did I spend all that time and energy with it in the first place. Don’t waste effort feeling bad about it, savor the good, take it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, use it as motivation, and realize the chance you’ve been afforded to explore a new path. Happy trails.

dabbler's avatar

Yes, my first marriage was like that. Agreements and responsibilities unmet and chronic repeat of destructive behaviors (in particular financial) finally prompted me to get out of the relationship when I could. I was married less than three years.
@Shippy Sounds like you could benefit from moving on.

jordym84's avatar

Ah yes, this sounds just like what I’ve been dealing with lately. I’m very forgiving to a fault but that’s over now. I kept going back and forth, breaking up and making up with him because I kept feeling guilty about breaking up and “hurting his feelings.” So much so that I kept making excuses in my head and making myself believe that somehow I was to blame for our problems. I knew there was something amiss all along but chose to ignore what my gut was telling me because, you know, intuition can never be right when you want things to go a certain way, so you fight your instincts with all your might. You would think that once I had irrefutable proof of what I had suspected all along I would’ve called it quits, but nope, I forgave and, to an extent, forgot (though it was always in the back of my mind). Long story short, thanks to this experiment I did a lot of introspective thinking and soul-searching and came to the conclusion that some things I just shouldn’t have to put up with. So, now it’s definitely over for good and I have not been happier in a very, very long time :)

The relationship only lasted 6 months, but I learned so much and matured a great deal during that time that I definitely feel more sure of myself and now know what I’m willing to put up with and what I shouldn’t have to.

As @wonderingwhy so wonderfully put it: Don’t waste effort feeling bad about it, savor the good, take it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, use it as motivation, and realize the chance you’ve been afforded to explore a new path.

flutherother's avatar

It took four years to realise that my second marriage was a disaster. I tried to pretend it would get better and that things would work out and then bang, one day I knew I had to leave and I did. I have never regretted it for one minute. Sometimes you have to throw away your crutch to realise you can walk.

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