General Question

sabine's avatar

Why is it so hard to abort a pregnancy you never wanted?

Asked by sabine (88 points ) August 30th, 2012

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and it is very much an unplanned pregnancy.
I hate children and I am by far the least maternal woman out there and when I see children even now while pregnant, i just don’t think ‘aww’ like other women do
The weird thing is though, why would I rather go through with the pregnancy and give it up for adoption, than just abort it now?
Something is making me want to protect it?

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16 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

You have some tough choices to make. If you choose to carry the child, you still have options. If you abort him or her, that’s your choice too, but it’s kind of final. Right? I never judge anyone in this situation, but one of the great joys in my life had an appointment scheduled to abort him. His mother couldn’t go through with it, and he’s one of the best things that’s happened in my family lately. There’s lots of people looking to adopt. Maybe you have a little more maternal instinct than you thought? PM me if you want to go private.

ml3269's avatar

Instinct, cognitive thinking and hormons.

chelle21689's avatar

Is it because you possibly might feel guilty terminating the baby’s life or maybe it’s a natural instinct for a mother? I don’t know you. I’m pro-choice but that doesn’t mean I think abortion is a good idea. It sounds like you want to give the baby up for adoption, just be sure that it’s something you’re sure of. Who knows what all the emotions you’d be feeling after carrying that baby for 9 months and seeing her be held in another person’s arms to take home.

What does the father think about this?

tedd's avatar

Instinct, hormones, nerves… plenty of reasons you’re having difficulty with the decision.

And there’s nothing wrong with giving up a child for adoption. I’m very pro-choice, but my own g/f was given up at birth by her mother and adopted… so it is a plausible option.

Good luck with the decision.

DigitalBlue's avatar

It’s a very personal decision. It may be an easy one to make and often it couldn’t be more difficult. There are options and support, no matter what you choose.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@sabine DigitalBlue just gave you the best advice. Support. Talk to some people that will be unbiased about the situation. Anyone who can help you look at the options and offer support. Don’t go into this scared and alone.

GracieT's avatar

As an adopted child, I will, of course, push for adoption. But I have to agree with @DigitalBlue- it’s a tough decision, but it’s your decision. If you feel the right thing would be adoption over abortion, go with that. No one else has the right to decide for you.

jerv's avatar

It could be any of the things mentioned above, or it could just be peer pressure. If you follow politics at all, or even expose yourself to any sort of media (TV,.radio, internet, newspaper…) then you will see a lot of talk about abortion. It’s possible that that is also triggering some sort of response.

DrBill's avatar

Some people are Made to be parents, some are not. By caring for the child to term will be a cherished gift to someone who does want a child, and I applaud you for your self sacrifice.

bkcunningham's avatar

Just a few days ago you were worried because you were spotting and having a potential miscarriage. So now you are considering an abortion? I’m confused. Maybe it is your hormones causing all the flip-flopping and mixed feelings. You need to talk to someone who you can trust and who knows you and your circumstances.

creative1's avatar

I have heard that women who go through abortion mourn it years later after so its a decision that isn’t don’t lightly to decide to give the gift of life or not. As being someone who has adopted I can tell you I love both my daughters as though I gave birth to each of them. I would speak to a counsilor and to discuss your options fully and make the decision you can live with. I do have to tell you that if you feel that protective to the fetus now well it will be more so after the baby is born and its a very hard thing to let go of the baby even if you don’t feel that aww factor of other peoples babies it is different when its your own.

linguaphile's avatar

I am one of the least maternal people I know and I got pregnant at 19. It was not an easy decision at all to decide to keep my son, who’s almost 21 now. I have no regrets with my decision to keep him.

When I was making my decision, one factor directed me—my own innate psyche. This is one of the factors many people do NOT consider—the already-present psyche of the pregnant woman.

At that time, I was very susceptible to other peoples’ opinions and extremely anxious about being judged by anyone, even people I didn’t know. I grew up around “God is watching you!! The Devil will get you!!” messages. I was a crazy perfectionist and paranoid about mistakes. I carried guilt very heavily— it was a horrible foundational mental state to have to begin with. So…. if I had an abortion, I am pretty sure I’d eventually have committed suicide because of my own psyche. I always say my son saved my life because I had to learn to relax some after he was born.

My best friend, on the other hand, had an abortion and has no regrets or guilt at all. Her psyche could handle it. Look at your own psyche first—and yes, find a neutral supporter. My neutral person was my grandmother. Everyone else was biased.

gondwanalon's avatar

Perhaps it is the strong (subconscious) animal instinct within you to reproduce?

YARNLADY's avatar

My sister did that – twice – and it worked out for her. There are a lot of people wanting babies – good luck.

Bellatrix's avatar

Like @linguaphile, in my youth I was not maternal at all. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child my then husband wanted me to have an abortion. I refused. I had the strongest protective urges towards that growing person. I am very pro-choice and I was very surprised by how strongly I felt about keeping that pregnancy. He settled down and got used to the idea and we now have a beautiful daughter.

I think you need to go and talk to someone who has no agenda. You need unbiased, objective advice about your options and how you are feeling. This is a big decision. You have options. This has to be a decision you feel is right for you now. Listen to your instincts, but get some good support and advice too.

Shippy's avatar

Maybe because it is a life?

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