Social Question

snapdragon24's avatar

Men - how do you handle your crying woman?

Asked by snapdragon24 (1592 points ) September 12th, 2012 from iPhone

Hey guys, this is a question aimed for you men out there! Alright so lets just say you upset your female friend or girlfriend or even mother…how do you react when they start crying? Do you ignore it? Feel bad? Get akward or completely clueless?

Example: Tonight I got into a fight with a close friend. He kept on arguing with me and eventually I broke into tears. He went from angry macho man dont give ***** attitude to…oh baby please dont cry…please…oh you know I love you haha

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27 Answers

ucme's avatar

Like it says on the box, with care.

psyonicpanda's avatar

Crying. dont like it. period.

Seek's avatar

Pffft. My husband: “Oh, shut the fuck up.”

He can’t handle it. And when he can’t handle something, the response is get angry and ignore it until it goes away.

cookieman's avatar

Truth is, I’m more likely to cry before my wife.

She usually slaps me like we’re in a scene from the Maltese Falcon.

tedd's avatar

Depends on the context.

Is she crying because of like a loss in the family, or something I did wrong? Or is she crying cuz it’s that time of the month and she’s emotional, or because of something that happened on tv?

ragingloli's avatar

My parents used to say “Stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to!”

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Wrap my arms around her and hold her. Then play off her reaction and see what happens next.

JLeslie's avatar

My husband would not switch on a dime like the OP’s example, especially if we were in the midst of an argument. I think most women would want those type of tears sort of ignored, not sure though? And, to just fucking be taken seriously and whatever idiotic thing the guy is doing for them to fix it. Women have hormones that from what I understand make us more susceptible to crying, it rarely is done on purpose, it is somewhat out of our control. Women also are socialized to be allowed to cry when men are generally told the opposite, but I think the hormones have a lot to do with it too.

If after an argument he find me crying alone, or if I am teary and he has no idea why, he usually seems a little freaked out and wants to comfort me. It almost never happens though. I rarely am off in a corner crying alone like that.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Wow.. I must live a sheltered life. I could not remember when I was with a woman crying over an offense I made. A sad good bye, yes.
Crying while watching a sad movie or listening to NPR StoryCorps, sure. that happens – but usually I’m in the same state.

JLeslie's avatar

@LuckyGuy Oh, my husband is horrible (said with some sarcasm) to me when I cry watching a movie. If there is a scene he knows will probably trigger me, he looks me right in the face to see if I am crying. It pisses me off. LOL.

And, to the first part of your answer, my husband never is doing something purposely mean. If I wind up crying, which is very rare, because of a disagreement, it is usually about some difference in our personalities or feeling misunderstood. More being teary out of frustration, sometimes dissappointment.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@JLeslie I think crying at a movie is great. It means you got a lot out of it.

Here. My gift: This StoryCorps clip turned me into a basket case. It’s only 2½ minutes. Click it. How bad can it be?

gailcalled's avatar

MY psychiatrist told me that women often cry when they get angry. We did not get into a discussion about why. The biochemists or endocrinologists can do that.

JLeslie's avatar

@gailcalled I think anger is usually actually hurt: the underlying cause of anger is being upset or hurt. So, it makes sense that women would cry when angry. The way I understand it, men are more likely to jump to anger as an emotion, because they don’t want to display hurt as an emotion, or don’t deal with it well.

gailcalled's avatar

@JLeslie: Often the underlying cause of anger is anger.

My doc. made an observation and left the “why” to the experts.

JLeslie's avatar

Here is what Dr. Phil says about it. I know he is a TV personality, but he is also a Psychologist in real life. My only point was to provide some more information to the discussion about why possibly it makes sense people sometimes cry when angry. I don’t understand why you would be opposed to discussing or offering explanations as to the “why” of your statement.

gailcalled's avatar

Wooly discussions about psychological issues are off-topic here. The question is about behavior and not guesswork about causality.

JLeslie's avatar

@gailcalled First of all it is in social, second of all you raised the topic tangent. Why are you so rigid lately? Flag it if you want. Let a mod decide.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I walk away. A crying woman cannot be reasoned with.

ragingloli's avatar

that is a bit redundant :P

Coloma's avatar

Whatever one fears or loathes within themselves is what they will fear and loathe in others.
A crying person, for whatever reason, needs comfort, unless they are crying for manipulative reasons, in which case their tears will make ME angry!
If a man is not comfortable with his emotional side he is much more ikley to respond to a womans tears with disdain, impatience, lack or compassion and maybe even outright anger.

Years ago I dated an ass that actually told me once when I was crying to stop it, that he never did anything to make a women cry and would not tolerate tears. I was crying BECAUSE he yelled at me to do something and I felt bullied and talked down to.
I was smart enough to get away from him before he didn’t do something else to make me cry. lol

Blackberry's avatar

It depends on who it is, but I’m apathetic unless it’s actually something important, and even then I just go through the motions of comforting them and trying to be supportive, lol.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

You guys (and girls) are cold. Go to her. If she pushes you away okay. I’ve never got that. I’ve always got that grab on to me and hold.

Coloma's avatar

^ Agreed. When a human sees the pain of another as something that makes THEM uneasy or angry…well…you’ve got issues, big ones!

Nullo's avatar

Hasn’t happened on the girlfriend level yet. Depending on why Mom or Sis are crying, I’ll either ignore them, do things for them, or give out hugs.

Haleth's avatar

Personally, I hate having someone try to comfort me when I’m crying. That includes hugs, talking, everything. I just want to calm down on my own so I can deal with the source of the upset in a rational way. Most people really don’t seem to get that, and in response, they go overboard with even more comforting when I tell them it isn’t wanted.

If I’m around a crying person, I try to make sure they get what they’re asking for, whether it’s someone to talk to, solving the problem, or just some time alone. When you’re dealing with a crying person, it’s really not the time to be pushy or do stuff “for their own good.”

snapdragon24's avatar

I dont like to be seen crying, but when in an argument with someone I care about, crying can help them understand how you feel.

I agree with @Adirondackwannabe ‘go to her.’ If she backs off then fine. I think its akward when someone ignores you when crying.

Then again it also depends on whose upsetting you. If its a signficant other, I’d need them to hold me and be confident enough to consul me. If its a family member I’d rather have them leave me alone. The more they try to consul me the more angry I get. Eh oui, c’est comme ca! Lol

octopussy's avatar

I rarely cry and when I do I cry alone so it’s not an issue.

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