General Question

fremen_warrior's avatar

How do you deal with people who hate you for no apparent reason?

Asked by fremen_warrior (5471 points ) September 18th, 2012

I tend to ignore these kinds of people, not care at all, and usually the feeling of “Not them again…” is mutual. But every once in a while I stumble upon someone I like/respect who either outright hates me or ignores me for the most part. I am far from being a people pleaser, though I would kill for the ability to read people’s minds and see why they are being this way. Why do people do that? How do you deal with people who “actively don’t care” about you no matter what you do?

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33 Answers

Coloma's avatar

Unless you have done something really offensive usually those that take an instant dislike to another do so because of some sense of envy, jealousy or a sense of inadequacy. If you can honestly be sure you have done nothing to provoke an offensive feeling in another, then you can chalk up their dislike to their own issues and insecurities. Not your problem.

YARNLADY's avatar

It’s very difficult, especially when it’s someone you can’t avoid. The best thing is to try to remain civil at all times, and just don’t respond to the hateful things. Sometimes that means walk away (to another room, in my case).

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

I was going to say the same thing, @Coloma . I did have this happen once, and I think the lady in question thought I didn’t like HER, for some reason.

philosopher's avatar

There is nothing you can do.
People dislike you for strange reasons. Like the color of your hair, eyes, your thin, tall or chubby. Sometimes people are so shallow they hate you because you remind them of someone else. A smart person would comprehend that you are not that person.
LOL I had an overweight boss that hated me. Her boss hired me for my experience. I did a great job and everyone told her so. It never mattered. I found a better job and left. Despite that her boss begged me to stay.

wundayatta's avatar

I think that when other people are a mystery, you have to talk to them and find out what they are thinking. You have to be brave enough to not only open up a dialogue, but to shut up and listen to them without being defensive. In other words, you have to sincerely want to know what they are thinking.

It is only by listening that you will find out the information you are looking for. And it is only by getting information that you can figure out how to “deal” with people. I’m not sure what you mean by “deal.” That sounds kind of sinister and aggressive. But I’m hoping you mean how to learn to get along with. If you mean something like how to beat them up, then forget it. Just beat them up. But I don’t recommend that at all.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Sorry, but, most likely there is a reason that they don’t like you.

snapdragon24's avatar

It can be a mix of things. People talk. People will hear stuff about you…then they choose to follow the crowd or if they are curious they will choose to get to know you. Ive been in this position before and usually it is either envy or you actually did something to offend them. Either way, ask yourself if its worth caring. Most of the time you cant change how people feel about you, but you can be more careful with how you communicate with others in the near future :)

YARNLADY's avatar

@Mama_Cakes Not always – The person in my life has chased away every friend she had, plus made enemies out of every roommate and associate she ever had. Even her own mother says she is a hateful person. Her husband stays with her because his mission is to reform her, according to him.

6rant6's avatar

I can’t think of anyone who hates me for “no reason.” I’m not even sure I could name anyone who I think hates me – and that includes exes. There’s a fair chance I’m just naive. And for people who dislike me with cause… well, they’ve got the right.

You’ve got “ignore me,” in there with “hate,” which I think could be a very different thing. I would not find it hard to compile a list of people I may have weirded out at some time or another.

DrBill's avatar

Life is too short to waist it on hate or haters.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I was going to agree with the no one hates you without a reason crew, but then again I have come across some miserable people that hate the world and everything in it, but they have never been anyone I respected or cared for. If you respect them try to find out why they hate you. Someone’s got their wires crossed.

lloydbird's avatar

With caution.

Sunny2's avatar

I generally stay away from people who react negatively to me, especially if they have expressed their annoyance. I don’t expect everyone to be anything but polite. More often than not, if I react negatively to someone, I think about it and usually it has something to do with who I am.They may be bossy or pushy, traits that I have and fight against. I somehow see that in them and I react to them the same way I do when it shows up in my behavior. When I recognize this, I can avoid reacting as much.

josie's avatar

Other than, I suppose, in combat, I have never met anybody who hated me. I am sure some people like and appreciate me more than others, but hate…no.
Except maybe on Fluther. But I don’t count that.
But the answer to the question is-I would avoid them, not deal with them.

gailcalled's avatar

Once I graduated from high school, I never hated anyone nor thought anyone felt that strongly about me.

There are certainly people whose company I chose over others and some people whom I would avoid hanging with more than others and some people whose behaviors I truly dislike..

But I would never bandy the word “hate” around.

Bellatrix's avatar

I hope nobody I know hates me. I can’t think of anyone I hate.

As to dislike – sure there are people who dislike me. If I can identify a reason I will weigh up whether that was my fault and can I do anything to correct that situation or whether I think it is about them and I have no control over the situation. My response will depend on this evaluation. If I can’t find any reason for their apparent dislike, I file it in the ‘not worth my time’ box. The only exception to this would be if I work with the person and they have control over my work life in some way. If they were in a position of power over me and their behaviour made my worklife miserable, I would probably look for a new situation or seek help from other people in positions of power.

Jeruba's avatar

It doesn’t really bother me; I don’t expect to be to everyone’s taste, and there are people I dislike too.

I usually continue to treat them cordially, if a trifle coolly, when I find that I have to deal with them.

Sometimes I make a sincere effort to turn the tide toward friendship, and sometimes that works. Other times, especially if I don’t care much for them, I just try to avoid their company. There has seldom been any overt hostility either way.

Taciturnu's avatar

(Virtually) No one hates you without a reason. With that said, I just found out someone put in their two weeks notice because of me.

I heard she was leaving and wished her well, told her she’d be missed. Later, a co-worker came up to me and said she had been complaining that I have a greater workload than she and she had been there longer, that she didn’t think it was right and didn’t know how long she could stand it. I was totally unaware!

To me, that reason is illogical and certainly could have been handled in a much more productive and professional manner. To her, she probably feels slighted and maybe hurt. I don’t know if she actually hates me, but I’m still always smiling when I see her and ask about her kids, etc. If someone hates me for being me, I’m still going to be me. :)

Shippy's avatar

Ignore them, blot them from your mind and never ever, take what they say personally. Remind yourself that their attacks and words they use are really about them, not you.

dxs's avatar

I have to deal with a person who hates me for no apparent reason nearly every day. I am just very serious and try to talk to that person the least amount of times I can. I’m not rude though that person is rude to me, but I will surely stand up for myself in a polite way if I need to (which is probably why that person hates me in the first place). Some people just don’t know how to deal with and take things. I say hello and goodbye also, and that’s it. I don’t let the harmful things that the person says to me get to me. I don’t let most things said to me get to me too much.

filmfann's avatar

At work last week I met someone who had heard about me. At introductions, I could tell he didn’t like me at all. I didn’t kiss his ass. I just behaved normally (normal for me, anyway), and after 20 minutes I won him over.

woodcutter's avatar

Do everything you can to live better than they do. Living well is the best remedy for shit like that.
Or…give them a valid reason to hate you because it won’t change a thing anyway
Haters gonna hate.

fundevogel's avatar

I make them my official nemesis and excise my frustration and irritation at them with ridiculous and unchecked venting about why their very existence is like a boil on my flesh. It’s ridiculous and it harmlessly diffuses the tension created by having to be around them the rest of the time.

That said I can only remember one person that so profoundedly rubbed me the wrong way that they were granted this illustrious position. Of course I would argue that was plenty reason to hate her, or at least hate being around her.

Nullo's avatar

I usually just try to ignore them. If we’re going to be working together, I try to find common ground.

Safetyman6350's avatar

Some people are friendly at first, but like the confused child can only have one friend at a time. Often their actions are to deminish you to impress the new friend. This is the kid that was bullied young and now finds authority a way to feel superior.

_Whitetigress's avatar

Turn the cheek. Move on to the next project.

Paradox25's avatar

This happens to me alot. I’m dealing with several women where I work who’ve gone out of their way to make my work life a living hell. I actually had to switch shifts to get away from them, and now I’m working the night shift (phew). Some people just are trouble, and love to single out certain types of people because, well they’re just aholes. Maybe there is a ‘reason’ why they dislike you, but it doesn’t justify it. It continues to amaze me what the attitudes of many people who don’t have altercations with others have towards people who really are the victims of aholes. My advice would be to ignore them when you can. The only other real option that I can mention is do what you can to stay away from them.

noodle_poodle's avatar

I am sure its not possible to hate someone for no reason…though I suspect the reasons we do dislike people are so bonkers its best not to categorize them. I particularly hate women with really round faces. Nothing I can do about it so it and I realize its a stupid hatred so I try very hard not to act on it and remain civil whilst trying to avoid them.

woodcutter's avatar

You could just wear a short tail shirt and accidentally on purpose reach waaaay up and let the tip of a holster show, just the tip

fremen_warrior's avatar

Thank you for your opinions and suggestions everyone, it is great to get a broader perspective on an issue and I find asking others what they think gives me a higher level of objectivity. I need to think what I might be doing to keep p*ssing some people off. Maybe I am being an intollerable a**hole at times… Anyway, thank you for your input :-)

DWW25921's avatar

Being somewhat of a nerd, I have an understanding of this scenario. I think people have a general distaste for things they don’t readily understand. That misunderstanding is coupled with apathy. They don’t know and frankly they don’t care. These attitudes create a lack of respect. Or maybe I over analyzed the situation. Yeah, it’s a lack of respect. Do you care what these people think of you anyway? That’s the real question. As long as you know that you’re awesome it doesn’t really matter.

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