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Paradox25's avatar

Do you think that society views male virginity differently from female virginity?

Asked by Paradox25 (9973 points ) December 15th, 2012

Like the question states. What about a male virgin who is in their twenties, thirties, forties vs a female virgin in the same age brackets?

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22 Answers

Coloma's avatar

I think it’s kinda sweet myself, but yes, I think a lot of people think male virgins past a certain age are either total nerds or complete social losers, really sad. Females I think, can still hide behind wanting to “save themselves” for someone “special”, but men get razzed for being a 40 year old virgin. Of course there can also religious beliefs factoring in for both too.

_Whitetigress's avatar

Of course. I mean I think it’s human nature to think anyone who is virgin past a certain age thinks its all strange. (Considering how hardcore our hormones rage naturally)

I wonder if it’s more of society thinking… (YO MAN YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE MISSING OUT ON!! VS YO MAN YOU ARE LAME YOU’RE A LOSER FOR BEING A MALE VIRGIN)

Shippy's avatar

I think things are changing, and people are giving in less to peer pressure. As I have met a few that have decided by choice, not religion no. But generally I agree with @_Whitetigress and @Coloma commented on.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Personally I don’t think it matters at all. But I’m as pure as the driven snow.

Paradox25's avatar

@Coloma Yeah I think that men get the bum rap with this one. Even among the Christian community male virgins are looked at in a bad light. I use to post on several Christian Q & A sites before coming here. Those types of religious sites seem to be magnets for male virgins, thinking that the women on them will be attracted to them for being a decent person, then bang they’re hammered with little mercy. Many even going as far as to claim that their humility is a sin. Woman virgins were treated much better, but those were very conservative Christian websites.

@Shippy Yes, many people do choose to be virgins for secular/nonreligious reasons.

@_Whitetigress As someone who hardly lived a sexually promiscuous life, by choice, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard those statements. This has a tendancy to draw me away from many people.

kitszu's avatar

When it comes to sex and gender bias, traditional stigmas are still present to a certain degree. Females are sluts, teases or prudes. How many females a guy sleeps with determines whether he is an alpha male or a beta.

That said, men attribute status (or lack thereof) to both males and females, while women are typically only concerned about their own genders status and only one in particular. The Slut.

Teenage boys are expected to flex their sexual muscles (the pun wasn’t intended but it works, lol). Teenage girls are still expected to remain abstinent. Male virgins obtain looser status much earlier than female virgins obtain prude status. After all a female virgin is a coup at almost any age right?

Nullo's avatar

It depends, I think, on which part of society you’re asking. My church friends, I suspect, would think it a good thing, but my work friends think it very strange indeed that I choose to keep my pants on. I think it’s a bit weird of them to even bring it up, but that’s people, I guess.

kitszu's avatar

@Nullo I generalized my answer so I didn’t end up posting a term paper but I believe the subcultures/subcommunities we belong to have a tendency to influence us in a much more powerful way than the social collective. (No Fluther pun intended:)

We are wired to adopt the taboos, norms and mores of the people we are (or choose to be) aligned with. So “pants on” is the acceptable/good behavior of the social circle you identify with most closely.

Sex as a topic is becoming less and less of a taboo. People are increasingly more comfortable with (not only saying the word itself) but with well known sexual euphanisms, I guess that’s why they don’t think anything of asking personal questions or devolving their own personal details.

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Shippy's avatar

@Nullo Good point that, it’s no one business. But it is a great question, why are men thought differently in general to being a virgin.

ScottyMcGeester's avatar

Only in America is being a virgin as embarrassing as being a “slut”. It’s a double-edged sword in this society. I don’t know how it’s like outside of America, as I’ve only been to Canada and Mexico. But I assume people don’t really care.

Shippy's avatar

@ScottyMcGeester I’d say it’s Global I am in South Africa. But I still say thinking is changing. People are bending less to peer pressure, unless peer pressure itself has changed.

kitszu's avatar

@ScottyMcGeester _Only in America is being a virgin as embarrassing as being a “slut”._Nicely done!

@Shippy I think peer pressure is a sort of shapeshifter that mutates itself in accordance with popular opinion and social climate. Thinking begins to change as the majority shifts it’s allegiance from the current opinion and adopts a new one.

I find the campaigns to “not give into peer pressure” extremely ironic.

Paradox25's avatar

@kitszu “After all a female virgin is a coup at almost any age right?” That statement sounds like a translation for “male virgins are losers while female virgins are not”. So you’re admitting that there is a good point to this question? At least you’re not trying to answer this politically incorrect question with politically correct statements.

You’re confusing me on two other fronts though. One of them is where you said that you find campaigns to not give in to peer pressure extremely ironic, in that I’m not sure what you mean by this. I’m not claiming that you meant the following, but are you saying that not giving in to peer pressure is always a bad thing?

The other point you’re confusing me with is your use of the terms alpha and beta males. What is your definition of an alpha male and a beta male? I always had thought of those two terms as nothing more than just more social constructs rather than reality. A man’s masculinity is determined by how many girls he can get, or perhaps a better way to state my point here: wants to get? This seems like a very crude definition, but than again I don’t buy the alpha or beta labels anyways.

kitszu's avatar

@Paradox25 Yes, I think there was a point to this question. Thanks for recognising that I don’t give a shit about political correctness. I actually do appreciate it. :)

What I am saying is that one is better off thinking for themselves when it comes to identifying things like right/wrong, good/bad etc… Letting others think for you is a mistake.

Hopefully that satisfies the first two.

In a wolf pack, there are multiple males and females but they are governed by a pair. One alpha male, and one alpha female. The leaders. This construt exists in a broader definition within human relations, it does not translate perfectly but it does translate to any social animal. There is a social hierarchy. There are both strong males/females and weaker males/females. My label of alpha vs beta is based on this idea but takes into accout the actual way humans interact.

Paradox25's avatar

@kitszu I still don’t understand your definition of an alpha or beta male when concerning humans. I know/knew plenty of ‘beta’ males who were much more masculine than many of the ‘alpha’ males in your description. I still don’t understand how many women a guy sleeps with determines whether he is a ‘beta’ or not. Damn, if this was the case then many of the alpha males according to your description of the human animal are the biggest wimps I’ve ever seen, since I know of many betas that could easily beat your alphas in a fight.

I brought the latter point up because in the animal kingdom the male that beats the other male out wins the females, and when it comes to humans this is not the case, and these are not rare exceptions either. You’re also not considering the motivational factor either, in that many masculine men do not always lust after multiple women. The human mind, despite some biological similarities, operates much more differently than the rudimentary minds of lower animals and I don’t think that you’re considering this.

If I was going to go along with the alpha/beta myth concerning humans, an alpha to me is a guy who stands up for himself, is not afraid to go after his goals, and does their own thing. Then again I don’t believe there is such a thing as an alpha or beta male when concerning humans, because I just don’t see how a guy who is more interested in his own motivations rather than fullfilling societies expectations of him makes him more masculine.

Paradox25's avatar

@kitszu I forgot to add something else here, when you said that “I find the campaigns to “not give into peer pressure” extremely ironic.” This is because you said that “What I am saying is that one is better off thinking for themselves when it comes to identifying things like right/wrong, good/bad etc… Letting others think for you is a mistake”, so isn’t your latter statement actually supportive of the epitome of what most campaigns against peer pressure are all about to begin with: thinking for yourself. I know there is some propaganda relating to some of them, but like I’d said above the end message is generally the same.

kitszu's avatar

@Paradox25 It’s a matter of perspective, I think. And I do know, b/c I wanted a man who could meet my strength but I’ve always had a soft spot for the underdog; also b/c the kind of man you’re talking about is the kind of woman I am.

(Please understand I am responding to your messages, “piecemeal”.)

It’s not even a matter of whether or not someone thinks I’m pretty, I come across as weak…but I’m not. I’m stronger than even I know at times;mentally, physically, emotionally.

This has been a long considered opinion of mine, so I have considered the fact that wolves and humans are not the same species, therefore not exactly the same. Motivational, human factors are involved, I didn’t claim otherwise, and only omitted them to simplify things (apparently, I over simplified. ;))

“Alpha/Beta”<= Not a myth, applies to all animals. You’re like me, yes? You’re stronger than most people in you’re life realize or are willing to recognize.

” Then again I don’t believe there is such a thing as an alpha or beta male when concerning humans, because I just don’t see how a guy who is more interested in his own motivations rather than fullfilling societies expectations of him makes him more masculine.” Why do you have an opinion on that point of view then?

And YES, call me out, cause I do the same thing. KISS/KISS

kitszu's avatar

@Paradox25 Did that last question have anything to with the orginal?

angleman's avatar

so people think male virgins a complet losers.and maybe the reason they are still virgins is becouse no girl likes them an they have to much respect for females and the reason i looked up this question is becouse im a 21yr old virgin an i wanted to know what most people think but now i know im a loser an the reason im a virgin is becouse no girl likes me n i have to much respect for females to have a one night stand

kitszu's avatar

@angleman I’ve addressed the question from societies typical view, from an evolutionary stand point, not from my own.

Sweet guys are underrated, there are many who have beta traits but when push comes to shove, will become alpha in a heart beat. I call the men who are all alpha all the time “alpha ass-holes”. They get “tail” but only a truly beta female would have them for any length of time. A woman who does not understand her worth.

Sex is a personal choice for both males and females. In many ways, men who choose to wait are stronger than those who dive in (so to speak). They’ve made a conscious choice, they’ve committed to it (despite male evolutionary urges).

This question does not reflect on you so much as it reflects on human society. You’ve choosen your own path and I respect that.

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