Social Question

Tiesha154587's avatar

What to do when a friend wants to give you a ring?

Asked by Tiesha154587 (87 points ) February 20th, 2013

well yesterday I started texting this guy, he was asking me all type of questions. He asked me what would I do if he gave me a ring, and I was like I don’t know. I want to take it, but I told him that I will think about it. So today on the way to class I saw my boyfriend, I had asked him what if a friend wanted to give me a ring? And he said ” What kind of ring is it? ” and I was like I don’t know. Then he told me ” If you want it, you can have it”. But I’m like ” Really?” So what should I do?

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24 Answers

Seek's avatar

Rings mean things. There is serious symbolism in our culture for rings as gifts. Unless you understand and agree with the implications of the gift, do not accept it.

Tiesha154587's avatar

Ok. I’ll see what it means.

gailcalled's avatar

Is this the same young boyfriend you have been discussing here in the past? You certainly like to generate drama around your relationship. Why are you texting a guy and providing enough intimate details (although perhaps not about the boyfriend) and even encouraging him to give you ja ring, which has more symbolism than other forms of jewelry.

Your five earlier boyfriend questions

poisonedantidote's avatar

Well, that would depend on what kind of ring it is, and what his reason for giving it to you is.

The way I see it, there are several possibilities, and you can only really accept the ring once you know the motive, and what he intends.

I would say be careful, there is a higher chance that taking it is not a good idea.

wundayatta's avatar

Naw. Be on the safe side. Don’t take it. Rings mean you are tied to someone. Probably not a good idea. Your boyfriend might be testing you. See what you’ll do. He’ll get angry if you take someone else’s ring.

janbb's avatar

Not a good idea, in my humble opinion.

Tiesha154587's avatar

Ok, I won’t take the ring. But I did tell the guy that I did have a boyfriend. Then he told me that he didn’t want anything from me just my friendship.

JLeslie's avatar

When I read the first line of this question I thought it meant give you a call.

If it is a male friend who will be giving you a ring for your finger I think that is odd, unless he maybe is a long time friend, always only a friend, never more, and he knows the boundaries of the relationship. Still a little odd though.

gailcalled's avatar

Can you call someone a friend if you have 1) only met through texting and 2) only texted for one day?

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

Why would you even consider accepting a gift of jewelry from someone you don’t know? Even if we put aside all the baggage that comes along with rings, it’s not a good idea to take anything of value from a stranger.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Did your boyfriend know this is a MALE friend giving you a ring? I have a hard time believing he’d be okay with that.

You have a boyfriend. You have no need to accept a ring from another guy. Don’t take it.

NostalgicChills's avatar

I have to agree with @gailcalled and @livelaughlove21
Don’t take it.

burntbonez's avatar

Oh why not? It’s just a ring.These things are both super significant (at this age) and insignificant (in the grand scheme of things).

marinelife's avatar

What does the ring mean to the friend? Why are you accepting jewelry from someone other than your boyfriend? It does not sound healthy to me.

chyna's avatar

@burntbonez I have to disagree with you. At their age every little thing is hugely significant.
@Tiesha154587 I wouldn’t take the ring, especially if you want to keep your boyfriend.

burntbonez's avatar

Wait, @chyna. You’re agreeing with me. I said these things are super significant a her age. I think that’s the same as saying they are hugely significant, as you said.

However, are you saying it is significant in the overall scheme of her life? Because that’s where I would disagree with you. Ten years from now this will be a very faded memory and in twenty years, she won’t remember it happened at all. And it doesn’t matter if this is a huge love or not. What she does now won’t affect the overall course of her life one little bit, unless one of these boys is crazy violent.

chyna's avatar

@burntbonez Ah, I misread your post. Yes we do agree.
I’m saying that teenagers make the most insignificant gesture, word or non word into something huge. I’m sure I did it when I was a teen also. They only see and feel the present, the now.
After high school, it starts changing and then in 10 years, as you say, it is all a blur.

Seek's avatar

But the gift of a ring at fifteen or forty is incredibly significant. When is it not?

Tiesha154587's avatar

Well he told me that it’s for showing me that he cares, and that he just wants to give it to me, and plus he wants to help me in anyway he can. We are meeting this Saturday, he’s taking me out, but not on a date though. He just want to go as friends. As for my boyfriend yes he does know that it’s a male that is giving me the ring, but I told him that I wouldn’t take it, if he didn’t want me too.

janbb's avatar

It’s hard not to believe that he is making a play for you and that you are skating on thin ice if you want to maintain your relationship with your boyfriend.

Seek's avatar

@Tiesha154587

Apart from blatant materialism (“ooh! Shiny thing is mine!”) what reason would you have for wanting to accept a ring from this person?

Why would you want to make your boyfriend specifically ask you to not accept it? Is it merely so you can later say, “Well, you didn’t tell me I couldn’t have it” when he admits to being uncomfortable with seeing you wearing another boy’s ring?

If it’s a “just friends” night out, are there other friends going along? Would you feel uncomfortable if you happened to run into another friend or your boyfriend while on the town with this person? Did you tell your boyfriend about your plans? Why or why not?

Do you care if your boyfriend decides this relationship is not working out for him?

Tiesha154587's avatar

I just want to know how he feels about it. No I didn’t tell him my plans yet, but I will. And if it’s not working for him then I will let him go. Look I love my boyfriend and would do anything for him. If I do run into someone or him I will tell him who he is, and what we are doing. I’m just trying to figure this out.

janbb's avatar

@Tiesha154587 it certainly is worth keeping other friendships alive even while you have a relationship. It is the focus on the gift of a ring – a pretty personal gift – that seems to raise a red flag.

Tiesha154587's avatar

Thanks @janbb and Thanks to you also @Seek_Kolinahr I’m going to sit down and just be real with him and said what on my mind. @gailcalled :-)

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