Social Question

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

Do you assume the opposite gender hates your gender?

Asked by Imadethisupwithnoforethought (14308 points ) February 23rd, 2013

I received a a pm tonight from a person who had joined fluther recently. She indicated that she had initially assumed I was a misogynist but had changed her mind. I, being the curious sort, asked her which specific post of mine led her to think that, and she could not identify one.

I am now curious. Do women expect that men are misogynists, and the burden of proof is on us to establish we are not?

And, second question, why are you talking to people you think hate women?

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42 Answers

janbb's avatar

No – not at all.

Sunny2's avatar

Au contraire. I think men like us for one reason or another. As we do them. (Maybe I should say as I do them.)

jca's avatar

No. I don’t assume anybody hates anybody.

josie's avatar

I do not assume that.
However, I know with reasonable certainty that members of the opposite gender are quick to blame their personal failures on what they presume to by my mysogyny.
There is no more universally accepted excuse for failure than to blame it on somebody else. The current bogey men are…Men, who happen to be white, who take personal satisfaction in being useful and productive.
My girlfriend is mildly distrustful of men, because she was born and raised in one of the most mysogynistic cultures on Earth-the Arab Middle East. But even she is willing to admit that Americans are pretty much the answer to her prayers regarding equal moral evaluation of gender.
If it is good enough for her, it is good enough for me

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Nah, for some reason they like me.

glacial's avatar

I am surprised that you would try to extrapolate your experience with that one woman to what all women think and do. That sort of thing will get you in trouble. ;)

If you’ve never had this happen to you before, why not just write it off as one person’s odd behaviour?

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

@glacial When I am tempted to extrapolate, I ask Fluther what other people think. :)

glacial's avatar

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Glad we’re here to keep you from going to extremes. :)

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Nah, only the assholes. For the most part, I think the opposite gender likes my gender. After all, we do have superior T&A!

ucme's avatar

No, because I have functioning brain cells. There are some women who despise men, pug ugly bunny boilers, that’s okay though, because thankfully I don’t personally know any.

MilkyWay's avatar

Of course not. Assumptions are not a good thing.

SamandMax's avatar

I don’t assume anything until it is proven.
Women aren’t all feminist bitches and I’m glad I don’t go around with the assumption that they are.

Jeruba's avatar

No, certainly not. I don’t know any reason to think such a thing. One person’s odd behavior or remark (assuming it’s been correctly interpreted) is no basis for a general conclusion.

On the whole, I’m very wary of assumptions, which commonly get us into trouble—especially the ones that we fail to recognize. I watch out for them all the time and still routinely mistake them for fact.

glacial's avatar

@SamandMax Not to mention that not all feminists are bitches.

Not that I particularly like that word for anyone.

marinelife's avatar

No I do not think that.

Bellatrix's avatar

No. It would be ridiculous to think that. Perhaps she has ‘read between the lines’ of a range of your posts and questions and come to that opinion?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Bellatrix If I tell her what I really want to do is that too subtle?

bookish1's avatar

No. And luckily, I don’t have to worry too much about what the opposite gender thinks of me. However, I have encountered a number of women who would count me among the enemy because I am a guy, or even because I transitioned. I don’t care for sexism from any quarter.

fundevogel's avatar

I don’t think there is a single trait that can be assumed according to gender. People are individuals they should be treated in accordance to their merits as such.

JLeslie's avatar

No.

But, there are many women (not the majority of women) who assume men suck.

fundevogel's avatar

Yesterday I told a girl at work making such a statement that she only thought so because she didn’t date women. I think she caught my point.

burntbonez's avatar

I’m not catching your point, @fundevogel.

filmfann's avatar

Q: Do you assume the opposite gender hates your gender?

A: No, just me.

gondwanalon's avatar

“Hate” is such a strong term. So I’ll say no to your question. However I would be tempted to say yes if you were to use “distain” instead of “hate” in your question.

I’m a man who works in a profession dominated by women. I’m no snoop but I frequently hear my colleagues talk loudly about their husbands in less than flattering (derogatory) ways. And I hear it a lot. Twice the women at work were talking “girl talk” with my boss present and someone realized that I was working near by and said, “Shhh, Lon is near.” And my boss who is well known for her big mouth said, “Oh that’s OK, Lon is not a man”. Like I said, I heard that before so this time I was ready for her and I quickly exclaimed, “Girlfriend, I’m more women than you’ll ever be and more man than you’ll ever get!”. It took quite a while for the laughter to subside. But the gut feeling I get about this lingers. From what I have seen in my little world, women just don’t seem to like men as much as men do women.

Bellatrix's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I’m not sure what you mean here. I’ve been out to lunch so perhaps I have 3pm brain.

jordym84's avatar

Nope, no reason to think that.

Unbroken's avatar

I agree with the general consensus above.

However I want to add an additional aspect to it.

I think certain people alert certain red flags. Maybe it is an approach, a vibe or circumstance or personal history of person who makes the assumptions. I don’t think that gives a person a right to hate all of the opposite sex. But maybe the right to reserve judgement. To be cautious. Hopefully after a period of time that person whichever sex it is and whomever they have issues with will have achieved a point of balance.

I know I have gone through several experiences that have made me cautious. Not only with genders but people in general. I may seem rosie, forgive the pun. : ) But I have had to do a lot of healing. Some of it over and over again. I have learned the hard way that personal judgement and caution are imperative especially for people who have been skewed by life and their sense of right and wrong is off balance.

this_velvet_glove's avatar

No, but are misanthropists supposed to answer a question like this?

Earthgirl's avatar

The word hate is a strong word and I would never assume that all men hate women. That would just be ridiculous and prejudiced. We all judge and assess people based on the things they say and do. Sometimes people are not open about their attitudes but it seeps out in the things they say. When reading between the lines of what a person says we are apt to misinterpret sometimes. I’m the kind of person who rarely makes snap judgements about people but if someone repeatedly and consistently makes statements that show a disrespectful attitude toward women and anger towards women I might then assume that they are misogynistic.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I don’t see you that way.

fundevogel's avatar

@burntbonez “I’m not catching your point, @fundevogel.”

It’s easy to complain about men sucking when all of your shitty dates are with men. Until you remember that your sample group for shittiness is preselected to be male. Clearly you’re not in a position to judge the quality of one gender against the other when you’re only engaging one gender in the ever dramatic exchange that is courtship.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

@gondwanalon Roger that. I’ve been a nurse for 23 years and have heard this same shit day in and day out the entire time. It’s bloody fuckin disgusting how they talk about men, especially their SOs. If a man ever dissed his wife, girlfriend or boyfriend like that to me, I’d lose all respect for him and steer clear of the sonofabitch. I think most men would do the same.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

I’m pretty sure that ragingloli can’t stand Americans.

Not at all.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t think women think men are misogynists, in general. I think a lot of women have a lot of criticisms of men, but they still prefer to spend time with them. Men are useful to women, I think, even if they don’t necessarily give women everything they want.

Women may complain about a lot of things, but I think that’s more of a coping technique or even a way of passing time than an indication of hatred of men. In fact, I think it is more likely to indicate a love of men, because if they truly hated men, women would ditch them. They don’t need us for that much.

I’ve been in many an organization where there were many more women than men. I’ve been the fly on the wall, and I’ve heard women say a lot of unkind things about men. But none of it was unfair. I agreed with just about everything they said about men.

For me, men are kind of sad and inferior to women in many ways. I don’t like men all that much.

On the other hand, I think men could be pretty good people with only a few tweaks. However those tweaks would require major cultural changes, changes I’m not up to working on. Besides which, the general inadequacy of men, as far as women are concerned, makes it easier for me to compete.

Blackberry's avatar

Nope. They seem to like me :D

MilkyWay's avatar

@Mama_Cakes Or the British for that matter. Or the Human Race.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

@MilkyWay but, he loves kittehs. :D

fundevogel's avatar

@wundayatta “Women may complain about a lot of things, but I think that’s more of a coping technique or even a way of passing time than an indication of hatred of men. In fact, I think it is more likely to indicate a love of men, because if they truly hated men, women would ditch them.”

I think part of is also just based on the socialization of such remarks. The idea that women and men are somehow fundamentally different and invariably act in ways incomprehensible for the other is used socially to reinforce bonds with apparently like-minded members of the same sex. It’s almost small talk. Something you don’t have to think about to create an exchange when exchange is desired. Of course it’s just the sort of statement I usually challenge when I hear it, and you know what? Usually when I challenge it the speaker stops, thinks about it and agrees it’s nonsense.

@Mama_Cakes & @MilkyWay Ragingloli hates all equally. She’s magnanimous like that.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

@fundevogel I’m pretty sure that he loves Canadians!

glacial's avatar

@Mama_Cakes Don’t poke the bear!

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