If you have been wronged by someone; does it make you feel better once you get them back?

Personally, I would have to say “No.” Too much energy directed in the wrong direction.

No.

It makes me feel better when that person rights the wrong.

@iamthemob

I would love for the person to right the wrong…but I don’t remotely see it happening.

Well… It depends on the nature of the sin. If I was Wronged and they later admit they were wronged, I feel vindicated and satisfied. If I was bullied and they apologize, I feel better. I will rarely if ever take direct action against anyone. HOWEVER, If in wronging me, my family is affected, then only by direct confrontation will I get satisfaction. It is usually instantaneous and to my memory has only occurred once. But it brought me no satisfaction. Only knowledge that they did not get away scott free.

It makes me feel better to speak my mind but not ‘get them back’.

@gailcalled

Well, I left the following part out…but it may not be a product of directing negative energy. It could be you simply being yourself and in re-encountering your wrong-doer, and them needing/wanting to put you down in some way. Except, this time… since you are doing much better in general…they are unsuccessful at their attempts… and so you end up leaving that day feeling much better.

^^^ My answer remains the same.

I think that letting go of past wrongs is the way to get rid of the feelings not revenge.

@majorrich

So what you are saying is if the sin is grave enough, you would want justice? And the form of justice you would seek would be revealing their crimes to the rest of the world?

No, I am probably glad at this point that I got rid of them. For some reason they were toxic to me, and I have better things to focus on.

I think ‘revenge’ in any form is a bad approach to life overall.

@LornaLove

Why is it a bad approach to life? What are the drawbacks?

So if someone wrongs you, although not always but in some cases you do not feel a need to get them back?

Also, what does it say about a person who seeks revenge (as per you)?

It is perfectly natural to want some sort of revenge. Your second comment reminded me of the expression, “A good life is the best revenge.”

@raven860 As far as I am aware revenge normally backfires. I think it is a spiteful action and normally what comes around goes around.

Like I said, just getting rid of them is good enough for me. Life has a funny way of taking care of its own.

I felt like I wanted revenge on my bio-dad, I got it a few times by now, but the thing is that whether he loves me or not, deep down I care about him. So maybe it hurt him, but it hurt me as well. Lesson learned.

Yes; it makes me feel much better but only if my method is used. I would not feel better if I did something drastic, immoral or illegal. But just chipping away over the years, saying little things about them once or twice a year, is quite satisfying. But I have seen what @LornaLove said is quite true too. It comes back to them.

@raven860 I believe if someone is mean enough to me to make a difference in my world, I won’t be the only one to see it, and the person hurting me will know that. The world has a way of coming back and biting mean people in the buttocks. They end up punishing themselves. Just have to wait long enough to see it happen. I have pretty thick skin, but have a low threshold of tolerance for people to mess with my family. That would constitute poking the bear.

I felt better when I said no when he came back. It was way too late and I was a stronger person than the one he had known.

I can’t imagine it would make me feel any better. I’d probably feel worse, in fact, knowing that I’d stooped to their level.

It might feel as though taking revenge would help dispel the anger you feel, but I think if I did something to hurt the other person once the initial ‘ha got ya’ moment passed, and it would very quickly, I would feel small and nasty. I would then have to deal with my own capacity to be so vengeful.

Doing wrong is never right.

Do you guys think there is a difference between revenge and getting justice? Assuming there is, would you say you would want justice? at least to a certain extent?

@YARNLADY @Bellatrix @augustlan @Sunny2 @majorrich @Aster @KNOWITALL @LornaLove @LostInParadise

Yes, to some extent. Vindication or apologies are all I usually require.

Sometimes karma needs a little shove….Preferably off a cliff, or the Grand Canyon.

What would ‘getting justice’ entail in this situation?

To me, justice means preventing the person from ever doing it again. However, if this is a personal issue, we have to realize that there is no such thing as fair. It is nothing more than a human construct.

@raven860 Justice, to me, only applies in a criminal situation. Even then, I don’t know that it would make what happened to me any better, but I’d feel better knowing it wouldn’t happen to anyone else.

@raven860 I want(ed) revenge on my father for abandoning my mother and I, not paying child support and not telling my brother and sisters I was alive. Justice is something you can’t force in a personal situation like this.

What I want is for him to apologize for being older than my mom and taking advantage of her innocence, and for not treating me like his child, or meeting me, or anything, even after the blood test and court. I also think he owes me and my mom an apology for trying to ruin her reputation in a small town, to make himself look better. Man, my bio-dad sucks.

Yes justice sounds better. But again life has a way with dealing with its own. Meaning what you give out comes back. It really does (well most of the time).

I knew @KNOWITALL‘s father was Newt.

Being angry, however, is a sign of not being in control. Anger makes a lot of assumptions about character, and little about motivation and circumstance. It’s a primal emotion designed to get you out of certain dangerous (probably social) situations. It’s better to look at situational causes of a person’s treatment toward you and respond to the situation, and avoid depending on a primal emotion. You can use force to protect yourself much more rationally that way.

“Be peaceful, be courteous, ... respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.” – Malcolm X

@bolwerk I know you’re joking, but I don’t like that reference to my bio-dad.

That quote is exactly the one on my fb faves by the way.

@bolwerk

So you support justice or a form of revenge? What about you @KNOWITALL , if you like that quote, do you support justice or revenge?

I do support justice, and am a big fan of military and law enforcement. I hate seeing anyone treated poorly for things that are not in their control, which is one of the reason’s I feel so strongly about SSM, and other forms of prejudice or assumptions about people.

@raven860: no, quite the opposite. And neither did Malcolm X. The point is, if a thug (“law enforcement” falls under this category) ever were to lay a finger on me, I’d have no moral qualms about sending him to the cemetery. Still, it shouldn’t be done out of anger – merely self-preservation.