General Question

orlando's avatar

Why do women let guys treat them like crap?

Asked by orlando (616 points ) December 24th, 2013

I know a lot of women are attracted to ‘bad boys’ persona, but why in the world do they endure the crappy treatment by these guys and in most cases even prefer it to the nice treatment by the so called ‘nice guys’?

I mean if anybody (a woman or a man) starts treating me like crap or is acting disrespectful (being that in a personal, intimate or a business relationship) they get kicked out of the door without a second thought.

Is being in a relationship with a ‘high status bad guy’ worth the price of being treated like shit? Is it really such a turn on?

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31 Answers

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

Could I reword your question as “Why do people let partners treat them like crap?” This isn’t a gender thing. I’ve known so many good guys who let nasty, indifferent gals mistreat and discard them. Often, the object of adoration is physically gorgeous, maybe a “Perfect 10,” and the guy elevates her to a prize. He’s just proud to be seen with someone like that.

LilCosmo's avatar

Many women feel insecure and believe that is the best they can do.

LeavesNoTrace's avatar

I don’t know. Why do some people treat their partners like crap?

dxs's avatar

My mom orders my dad around like it’s the military. He does what she says, no matter how stupid, but they still get into arguments over it. I don’t think I see one moment in the day when they actually get along. But they’re Catholic, so divorce isn’t even something to think about.

cookieman's avatar

• Low self-esteem
• Saw similar relationship from parents
• Financial reliance

And I agree that this is gender neutral. I’ve seen it both ways and in gay couples too.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Don’t think it’s gender specific ,but like others have said low self esteem, or they think it’s the best they can do, or the real fear of being alone so they put up with it.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, @cookieman nailed it, and I agree, I am the same way, treat me like crap and you’re gone in a nano second, no looking back.
I also think it is a maturity thing sometimes. I put up with a bad marriage longer than I should have, but once I woke up, there was no going back to sleep.

Now, as a wise middle aged woman I often have found myself mentoring younger people in this area. My daughter has a friend that is cycling ‘round and ‘round with a guy that drinks too much and is not getting his shit together. The girl KNOWS the odds of “fixing” him are slim but, she chooses to stay on the merry go round of dysfunction. People have to learn for themselves, bottom line.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Same reason guys let women treat them like crap? It has nothing to do with gender but rather self value.

keobooks's avatar

I’ve seen lots of guys date high strung, high maintenance bitchy women who treat them like crap too.

augustlan's avatar

Honestly, I’ve known more guys who allow women to treat them like shit than the other way around. Some people just don’t know their own self-worth, I guess.

keobooks's avatar

I think looks can go a long way with people. They are more likely to tolerate bad behavior from a good looking person than an ugly person.

El_Cadejo's avatar

“Welll, he/she’s a complete and utter bitch but they’re good in bed…...”

Inspired_2write's avatar

It comes from the sense of self….if feeling undervaulued, then they are attracted to to same.
Another theory is that they are attracted to the partner that resembles the parent that they did not get love and acceptance from.
In that case they do everything for that partner to gain acceptance and love that is missing in their life.
Sometimes its just circumstances that determine partnerships..example: financial ruin and partner provides a safe environment etc

snowberry's avatar

@augustlan And I know more women who allow guys to treat them like sh*t. In fact they’ll dump one bad guy and find another bad one to replace him. Domestic violence shelters are full of those women and their kids.

As @LeavesNoTrace and @SQUEEKY2 said, it’s not gender specific.

rojo's avatar

GIGO

YARNLADY's avatar

My grandson lets his S/O treat him like crap because he loves her more than she loves him, and he thinks that’s the only way he’ll keep her. He also (falsely) believes that if he is nice enough to her, she will like him more.

Katniss's avatar

In my case it was very low self esteem.
I let many a man treat me like I was garbage. I really didn’t think I deserved any better.
It took me a long time to realize that every person has value.

kritiper's avatar

They greatly desire the security men supply.

LornaLove's avatar

Treat them like ‘crap?’. Perhaps be more specific.

Some people like crap it is part of the dynamic in the relationship. For me, nice guys win every time. Over, money, good looks, great job, I’d choose a nice guy with nothing sadly

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

I got tired of reading through all of the redacted. Whether or not it is gender neutral or not, it is unimportant, I am going to answer the question as you asked it; that is why we are here, right?

When I worked in the nail salon I asked this very question of more than a few women, (when they discover you are not gay and you speak English, you’d be surprised how much they open up to you. You are almost like their barkeep). Those women who stuck with the cads and douchebags they were with (and complained about unceasingly), comes down to this:*
• With a bad boy thug they feel protected, should anyone bother them the bad boy thug would punch them or something.
• It was better to be in a busted relationship than no relationship, a condition made worse if all of their friends had a mate and they didn’t.
• It was always unpredictable, you never knew what was going to happen; it was like a roller coaster ride where you could not see where you were going.
”Nice guys” are too predictable and boring, they are not wild and spontaneous enough.
”Nice guys” won’t be able to protect them as much because they are not brawlers and street fighters.
• They (the females) felt that they had the right mojo to make him give up all those other girls and settle on her.
• They did not want to see all the time they had invested on the douche bag to go for not, so they had to stick it out in the hopes they could enact the above.

Out of 4+ years in the nail salon and conversations with dozens of dozens of women, those are the reasons women stick with bad boy cads, and douche bags.

*Many are sure to disagree, this is what I have gleaned, if you came up with something different after chatting with as many women as I, then go for it.

emjay's avatar

I don’t think it necessarily has to do with self esteem, or ‘best I can do’ or any of that 100 per cent of the time….
I’ve had the bad boy bug for years. Its not that I like being treated badly, or even really allow it… Its that I like to get into fights and I feel bad doing that with nice guys. Also. Hate sex is a MAGICAL thing.

mattbrowne's avatar

Often they were girls who formed anxious-resistant insecure attachments during childhood, see

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_children#Anxious-resistant_insecure_attachment

KNOWITALL's avatar

My beautiful sister in law could probably wrap any of you around her little finger in a minute. A redhead with a kickin’ body (she’s a personal trainer) and designer clothes that will take you for every dime you own and walk away when she’s done without a second glance.

I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger…

cookieman's avatar

^^ Did you say “redhead”? Hubba.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@cookieman She’s the most gorgeous beeyotch you’ll ever meet…lol I knew her since she was about ten years old and her red hair and deep brown bambi eyes were ridiculous, add a few freckles and pale skin. It’s almost hard to blame her for turning out so bad because she really is a gorgeous creature!

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ It’s almost hard to blame her for turning out so bad because she really is a gorgeous creature!
Sometime back when I used “Beautiful creature” to describe a stunning woman you’d thought I called her a c*** with all the flax that went up.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Hmmm, well that’s fluther for ya, opinions about everything, which would be so much more fun if people weren’t so judgemental. :)

Paradox25's avatar

Because supposedly ‘nice guys’ are really jerks or people pleasers merely putting a front up while the so-called ‘bad boys’ are really decent human beings who just need somebody to care about them. I had heard a multitude of reasons for this phenomena, but this was the most common one I know of used by trouble magnets to justify repeated dating mistakes.

Katniss's avatar

@KNOWITALL But she ain’t messin with no broke n*ggas?

KNOWITALL's avatar

Right. And every time she’s left, she comes back as soon as my BIL stops paying her bills, then he gets her a new car or something and she’s baaaaaack. It’s crazy and drives the family nuts. Not to mention she doesn’t care about any of us whatsoever.

keobooks's avatar

This article was interesting and SO true.. This woman deliberately creates the worst profile ever and tries to make it as psychotic, obnoxious, racist—you name it. And she got tons of replies from guys who didn’t care because she was hot.

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