I have an aunt who drives along braking and not braking, then braking and not braking. When you’re in the car with her, your whole body flies forward, then whips back during the whole trip.
Another relative chews his food so that his entire set of teeth clack together with every bite. Bone on bone on bone.
A woman I used to know, would use one long fingernail, to pick dirt out from under her other fingernails in public. She would also rarely use a knife, fork or a spoon and would dig right into her food with her fingers. She would pull the melted cheese off of her pizza, throw back her head and eat that, then she pick at the crust. She’d even eat mashed potatoes with her hands. She’d stick her index finger into the bottom of the Taco Bell nacho sauce and lick it off her finger, it repulsed me. She thought it was cute.
I know a few 24/7 throat clearers.
There was a pocket key jingler at work. I always thought there was a loose dog in the office coming down the hall, jangling it’s tags.
One of my friends is, in the words of Elaine Bennis on Seinfeld, a close talker. This same woman is also a whisperer, so I always have to ask her to repeat herself. For awhile, I thought I was going deaf, but then I realized that I only have a hard time hearing her. In the meantime, she stands so close to my face when she’s talking to me, that my eyes go crossed.
I have a relative that asks rhetorical questions, but actually expects you to answer, even though they know the answer.
I’ve had a few friends and relatives who were always pointing out the obvious.
One of the friends for whom I house sit and take care of his cat (for the last 25 years, several cats during that time) always calls me a couple of days before I’m suppose to arrive to go over once again the list of things I’m supposed to do, as if I’m hearing these instructions for the very first time.
One of my cousins says, “I seen it on TV” and “I can’t wait tell tomorrow.”
One of my aunts, when she encounters something that scares her says things like, “I was so mortified when I saw that mountain lion coming towards us!”
One of my cousin posts everything she thinks to everyone on her friends list, regardless of how well she knows us. For instance she knows that I’m a vegetarian who votes democratic, so she puts out statements like, “Me and Bob know that the paleo diet is the healthiest diet in the world” and “Nobody should have to have Obamacare shoved down their throats. I would be better off paying for my operation without insurance.” She just recently signed up for Obamacare, because she is in need of a very expensive medical procedure that she can’t afford on her own. But she’s never had a kind word to say about Obama. I don’t care if people post stuff like that, but I try to be sensitive to other’s beliefs when I’m posting stuff. I rarely post political stuff anyway, but if I did, I certainly wouldn’t post it to her. I always use a select audience, for every single post that I make. Become one with the gear icon, please!
I have one friend and one relative who doesn’t believe that smoking can cause lung cancer. They’re both addicts. One of those people also does not believe that anyone else can smell the disgustingly stinky smoke smell left on our shared telephone at work, so doesn’t feel it’s necessary to use the wet wipes on the handset that I purchased for that purpose.
I could go on, but then I’d be one of those people for whom someone else has a pet peeve towards people who go on.
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