General Question

Mandeblind's avatar

Did I get uglier as years passed by?

Asked by Mandeblind (420 points ) February 18th, 2014

When I was 15, I came to NYC for the first time. You have no idea how many compliments and stares I got. I wouldn’t even wear much makeup, and wouldn’t dress too explicit. Mostly african americans would whisper in my ear on the street, or should how beautiful I was. I never understood this, as I was an awkward girl. Now I am five years older and I get no compliments at all. Nobody even looks at my face. I think that I look better than I did then, so why is this happening? I just want to know the reason behind it. Did I get uglier?

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20 Answers

keobooks's avatar

You might not have that wide-eyed innocent look you used to have. It’s not that you’re uglier, but you may not look as approachable as you once were so people don’t walk up and talk to you at all.

janbb's avatar

Ugliness – as with beauty – is as ugliness does. You might want to turn your focus to other people and not worry about your looks.

And to speak more directly to the question, how could we possibly answer that without knowing how you look?

filmfann's avatar

You may have looked more vulnerable, which is different from innocent.

ragingloli's avatar

He is not interested in you anymore.

thorninmud's avatar

Suppose for a moment that you’re not as pretty as you used to be (I don’t know if that’s the case, but just suppose). How does that affect you? Does it make you desperately want to get the prettiness back? Or does it make you realize that you can’t keep relying on your looks to make your way in the world?

Pachy's avatar

You did NOT get uglier! What happened over those five years was that you grew wiser, more confident and more accomplished. So now you must grow more aware that how others acknowledge or don’t acknowledge your outer appearance (which I’m sure is even more beautiful) is far less important than how they—and more importantly, you!—acknowledge the qualities inside that make you the person you are today.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Heck no! You didn’t get uglier. I’d say people got more enlightened and sensitive to the fact that not everyone likes to be approached by strangers.
They might even be afraid of being accused of harassment!

I live in a small community that has a yearly festival. One of the entertainment acts is a series of dances put on by the local dance studio. There are dances by different age groups: I’m guessing 5 – 8? 9 – 12? 13 – 16? Something like that.
Five years ago I used to watch. It was fun. Not any more. The only men in the audience now are those with daughters performing. Very few men will stand and watch now. They don’t want to be accused of anything. I don’t even glance over there. Sad.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Your profile pic shows a lovely jelly, other than that I couldn’t say without pics.

LostInParadise's avatar

When you were 15 you were still a kid. People take liberties with kids that they don’t do with adults. For example, political candidates may kiss someone’s infant child. For older constituents, a handshake is appropriate. Welcome to adulthood.

glacial's avatar

Judging by your repeated questions about beauty and how you judge yourself and other people by it, I think it’s far more likely that you are projecting your own sense of self-loathing on other people. Believe me, the vast majority of people walking by you on a city street are not even aware that you exist.

Stop concerning yourself with how other people value your physical appearance. Get yourself a good therapist, and figure out how you can turn your focus away from this, and on to more productive things.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

It amazes me how subtle changes make all the difference. When I was 20 I worked in a lumber yard and over 7–8 months I developed some pretty good muscle tone. Women who I thought were out of my league (all of them) started paying attention. I take a job in cubicle land a year later and lost the physique. Suddenly I was getting the cold shoulder again. People are just shallow, women included.

gailcalled's avatar

Perhaps a better question is why you didn’t acquire more wisdom over the past five years. Obsessing about compliments and stares will not serve you in good stead in any area of your life.

How, at the end of the day, do compliments and stares enhance your ilfe?

gondwanalon's avatar

I don’t know about you but the years have not been kind to me. In general young people look better than old people. That is natural. Learn to accept it and you will be better off.
Good health!

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

First of all, age 20 isn’t old! If you had physical beauty and appeal at age 15, I’m sure that you still have the same.

Going beyond that, men react when we carry ourselves well and project confidence. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve seen age 20, but guys still make eye contact with me, smile, and say “hi.” I’ve found that it all hinges on me, not them. If I feel attractive, I walk energetically and greet the world as if I own it; men love that. If I’m feeling frumpy and “blah,” I tend to avert my eyes, keep to myself, and draw no male attention.

pleiades's avatar

In my experience with looking at females I never used to care. Now that I’m older I’m often more intimidated to look in the direction of a woman’s face on the street near close proximity. It’s also me trying to be polite as I feel woman in the city are always snobby and like to brag/put down how some dude was staring at them

Mimishu1995's avatar

Although I’m not from the US, I would like to point out 2 possible reasons why they don’t treat you the way they did.

1. You said: When I was 15, I came to NYC for the first time, right? In some of your questions you seem to indicate that you aren’t a born American, so maybe the people in NYC saw you as a newcomer, and of course anything new will attract people’s attention. Your look might be different from anyone they had seen before, and probably attractive too. That may be why they took a special interest in you. And now you have grown up and probably have lived there for a long time (or at least you have lived in the US for a long time), so people get used to you. So although you may not changed, people have lost some of their interest in you.

2. Like most jelly here has stated, you have grown up, and that makes it more difficult for people to approach you and say something like that to you the way they did in the past. You are 20 years old, right? So you must be able to distinguish the difference in how typical people praise a kid and an adult. What kind of adult would approach another adult and say: “Oh! You’re so beautiful! Beautiful!”? What do you think the adult who receive the praise will think? Does the compliment make him/her happy, or does he/she think the compliment is embarrassing and childish? This whole scenario looks like when an adult claps his/her hand and cries out loud: “Wow! You’re so good! You will win an Olympic medal!” at a child who is trying to learn how to walk.

I really can’t say for sure whether you are uglier or not, because I haven’t even known who you are. But don’t just think of yourself as ugly. Have confidence in yourself. The confidence only comes from yourself, not from others’ compliment. If you think you’re beautiful, you are beautiful, no matter what people say. Don’t just judge yourself based on others’ opinion like that!
A saying for you: “There’s no such thing as an ugly woman, there’s only a woman who doesn’t know what makes her beautiful”

Mimishu1995's avatar

By the way can I ask you a question: does it question have anything to do with these?

LornaLove's avatar

It is illegal to flirt in NYC perhaps people have taken that to heart?

LostInParadise's avatar

Totally off subject, but I googled to check on that law ^^^^^ (sorry for doubting you) and came across this site

Paradox25's avatar

I’m not sure what to tell you here. Perhaps you are just coming across different types of people, though you may be in the same environment. Not many people are comfortable giving compliments to random strangers too.

I’m a guy, but I was used to getting compliments too from girls many times. However, there were times when these would just cease, and even my attempts at giving compliments or making talk myself didn’t always work out.

I don’t think you have gotten ‘uglier’, and I’m reasonably sure that you shouldn’t look that much different since you’re only around 20. Sometimes people, moods, circumstances and other unnoticable factors change that cause us to question ourselves at times. It’s probably wise to stop obsessing with ourselves and move on with our lives, because in the end that appears to be what ultimately draws people to you.

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