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Dutchess_III's avatar

What is the most redneck thing you've ever done?

Asked by Dutchess_III (28286 points ) March 26th, 2014

Some of our non-American friends aren’t sure exactly what a redneck is, so let’s try to ‘splain it to them.

When my husband and I first started dating we went to the lake with a friend of his, and his friend’s girlfriend. We were drinking and Rick and his friend got the insane idea to “surf” on top of the Suburban. I got to drive. That was pretty redneck.

Once we bought an ice-cream maker at auction. Turns out the motor was broke (we have to talk like a red neck too in this thread)...the motor was broke. I found a paint brush with a hole in the handle. Ah-ffixed it to the crank screw at the top of the ice-cream maker motor and my son, husband and I me took turns crankin’. Worked.

Once upon a time there was a pontoon frame for sale. I hatched a plan to modify the bed of the pontoon so our pop-up camper could be attached. Then we’d float around on the lake, camping. Wanted to get chairs and tables to set out side of the camper. And a grill. And a cooler, of course.

Redneck swimming pool

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59 Answers

GloPro's avatar

Put my gum on the rim of my beer can. Hey, it still has flavor.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I don’t know if this is redneck or just stupid. One night after a major beer bash we cut up a pizza, in the box it came in, with a chainsaw in the kitchen of the house. One guy held the pizza, in front of him while another guy cut it with the chainsaw. There was pepperoni on the ceiling.

GloPro's avatar

You don’t know if that’s redneck, really?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Maybe he was a chainsaw artist in training?

GloPro's avatar

Yeah, and I’m a gum connoisseur

Cruiser's avatar

My cousin and I were driving up to our summer cabin to join the folks for a week and on the side of the road was a busted up Sunfish sailboat that obviously flew off of someone car or trailer. We stopped and grabbed the front half of the boat and tied it to the roof and went on our way. We cut a clean cut accoss the broken edge and spent the whole week having a riot towing each other behind the speed boat. This was in the 70’s before these tubing tubes were popular.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I played mud volley ball once. Most fun I’ve ever had!

KNOWITALL's avatar

4-wheelers with beer cozies glued on by the handlebars.
Ridin 4 wheelers to the bar, trying to outrun johnny law through fields.
Dogs mounted on the back racks. Dogs on flat beds. Dogs everywhere in fact, even in some bars.
Swimmin in ponds.
Drunk boating on boogie boards.
Someone living in a hunting camper in your backyard, back field for a year.
Sleddin on truck hoods pulled by 4wheelers or tractors.

Coloma's avatar

Being a hippie cowgirl, minus the 100 pak of Coors Lite.
I was a horse person forever, had an ex roping horse and all the cowgirl gear.
Dressed my horse up in colorful bridles and saddle pads, like purple to complement his beautiful chestnut coat.
My friends and I went trail riding with a flask of wine, hummus dip and a little herbal essence in the saddle bags. Good times!

Hippie cowgirls do it best! lol

Seek's avatar

We all (my extended stepfamily and my nuclear family – about 45 people) visited my step-uncle on his 40 acre farm in Kentucky for Thanksgiving. The following week is deer season in Ohio, and all the men went up to hunt.

They came back with 18 deer in all.

So, the next three days we all took shifts skinning, sectioning, and carrying the stuff from the barn to the house, and then sitting around the kitchen table butchering the meat, wrapping it in paper, and doling it out to each family – so much stew meat, this many backstraps, blahblahblah.

That whole house smelled like death. We ate like kings for a year, though.

Buttonstc's avatar

http://youtu.be/NN50ZU6jVwM

After listening to Barbara Mandrell enough times confidently asserting that this was cool, I decided to try putting peanuts in my coke.

I found out I didn’t like it (regardless of how cool it was or wasn’t )

:D

However, to this day, I still love the Opry and The Possum, and Johnny Cash (among others ).

Pachy's avatar

Stayed out in the sun too long.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oh @Pachy! I am very fair skinned. One day we went to a fancy water park. We stayed in the sun ALL DAY! I was slathering on the sun screen. However, when I got home I realized the sun screen was, like, SPF 2. OMG I burned so bad. I peeled 3 times and still got a good tan out of it. I probably should have gone to the hospital, but I didn’t. I just walked around in nothing but a sheet for 3 days.

Symbeline's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe…wow man. That wins. So bad. LOL.

Compared to these eer’ stories, I ain’t done mush dass’ redneck yaaawll, but I do make shelves out ay dem two by fers and cindah blawks. Gots to stay convenient when y’ain’t gots so much, know wadda mean, jellybean?

I also swear lots, like my mamaw wouldn’t believe, even truckers tell me ta cool it. Sept right now, ucme and me are in this kinday kerntest where we can’t use dem nasty words till Easter…see who gives in first.

Dutchess_III's avatar

You might be a redneck if you have your working TV on top of your non-working TV. (I guy I dated once actually had that set up. But he wasn’t a red neck. He was black. Still is, far as I know. )

Seek's avatar

^ We used to have a TV with a working picture but no sound on top of a TV with working sound but no picture.

Dutchess_III's avatar

* Burst out laughing here!!! *

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Dutchess_III There are black rednecks doll- lol

Cruiser's avatar

Oh hell I just remember the most red-neck thing we used to do. We used to camp at a quarry and detonate all sorts of munitions but one of my friends was a welder and would bring his oxy-acetylene tanks to the campouts and fill up 55 gallon trash bags with his welding gas and detonate them with a firecracker. Loudest explosions you ever heard. One time…(the last time he did it) he was next to his truck filling the bag and we here this huge explosion…and around the truck comes Chuck with smoke pouring off of him, his shirt was gone, so were his eyebrows and eyelashes and his bady was covered with strips of melted plastic. It as scary and hilarious at the same time as he looked just like Wil-E-Coyote in a road runner cartoon after his TNT blew up in his hands. We spent a bout two hours peeling the melted plastic from his chest, arms and necks. lol! I wish I had a picture! lol

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Cruiser Oh god that’s funny. We used to blow up stuff all the time but I never thought of getting out the oxy torch.

Coloma's avatar

Oh..I forgot about the time I pulled a tree stump out with my exes old farm truck. He had refused to pull the damn thing out for a garden area I wanted. It was a 1969 Chevy ¾ ton. I felt so redneck, spinning the wheels and then, the damn stump launched like a freaking missile at the cab of the truck….I narrowly escaped getting rammed when it fell, inches, from the cab. haha

Symbeline's avatar

@Cruiser I once had an explosive thing, don’t know what it was called. An m-80 perhaps? It looked like a fat, stubby dynamite, with red paper around it. Perhaps a little less than an inch long, half an inch wide. I always wanted to blow it up, but I was too scared to light it because I didn’t know how large the explosion would be. At least I was safe lol. Although once a small firecracker exploded in my hand, by the GODS does that ever hurt.
I kept the mini dynamite for years, not sure what happened to it, but I never did light it.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

That sounds like an M-80. We had a bunch of them, though they were green. Potent little suckers.

Symbeline's avatar

How big are the explosions?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Big. It would easily take much of your hand if it went off there. You can feel the shockwaves from them.

Coloma's avatar

When I was about 18 someone let off an M-80 in a tunnel I was walking through on 4th of July…jesus…I was freaking DEAF for about 2 days.

Symbeline's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Glad I never messed with it then…

Dutchess_III's avatar

When my husband was in Jr. High he set off an M-80 in the hallway. So, the school only had about 20 students so they knew right away who the dumb ass was.

He got a pony and a 22 for Christmas one year. He as maybe, 9. Bad combination. He rode up and down the street on his pony, playing cowboy and shooting people’s windows out! His aunt and uncle lived next door. He caught hell.

Cruiser's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe What I forgot to add to my story is while he was filling the bag it was the static electricity that ignited the gas. Scared him to death and he never did it again that I know of.

@Symbeline I don’t like anything bigger than a firecracker or bottle rocket anymore eversince my good friend blew off half his hand when he found 6 of his neighbors kids all leaning over a ¼ stik of dynamite they lit but didn’t go off. He screamed at the kids to get the hell away from that and grabbed it and when he went to throw it, it exploded in his hand. They found his finger with his wedding ring 100 feet away. That ended his days as a gifted carpenter but probably saved the lives of a few of those kids.

GloPro's avatar

I can vouch an M80 takes your hand off. I’ve cleaned that wound. Guy threw the beer can instead… Drunken Moron. He still has his pinkie and ring, but that’s about it

Blondesjon's avatar

Answering this here question.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@ARE_you_kidding_me But did you shoot it first? :)

Coloma's avatar

@KNOWITALL LOL Squirrel tartar.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Coloma Well, I’m a tartar fan but squirrel’s are sometimes wormy, better fry them up and make squirrel gravy, like rabbits- lol
(I actually don’t like squirrel at all, but rabbit or frog legs, mmmmmhhhhhmmmmmm)

Dutchess_III's avatar

I just frew up in my mouth a little.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Dutchess_III I swear you’d love mine and wouldn’t think it was wild…lol

Cruiser's avatar

@Dutchess_III and it wasn’t the dog’s fault you did either

Blondesjon's avatar

I will second the deliciousness of both squirrel and rabbit. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve eaten a rabbit that’s been butterflied and grilled.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I love rabbit, squirrel and frogs legs. Em.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

I’ll plead the 5th

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@ARE_you_kidding_me My s/o is an animal lover. She made me give up hunting.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It was the owners fault that I did @Cruiser.

Brian1946's avatar

I used to have a working TV on top of a nonworking TV, but then I moved it ‘cause it was blocking my air conditioner. Now the working set is on top of the cat cage.

Otherwise, none of the following apply to me:

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You’ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You’ve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You own a homemade fur coat.

Blondesjon's avatar

You get too drunk to fish.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I have not done any hunting since I was a teenager.

rojo's avatar

Well hell! Hold ma’ beer an’ I will tell ya…..............

rojo's avatar

Ah pushed ma drunk friends under their cars to keep them frum gettin’ run over by other drunk mo’fo’s
—I took their keys away frum them to keep frum runnin’ over other drunk rednecks as well—-

Yetanotheruser's avatar

I sung ”Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother” to a packed outdoor concert in Texas, complete with flying beer bottles jes’ like them Blues Brothers.

cazzie's avatar

I grew up in the Midwest, but I’m not sure what qualifies as redneck. We used to walk the train tracks and collect worn ball bearings and one day we collected the bright yellow rocks I, with all my fancy science learnin’, declared to be sulphur. We took some and decided to light it on fire and catch the smoke in a jar. I somehow knew the rocks would catch light and I knew the smoke was poisonous (a young alchemist at 10.) Predictably, it stunk and made us cough. I also used to pull the backs of old tv’s apart and trade the pretty coloured resisters with like-minded redneck nerds. Does any of that count?

Dutchess_III's avatar

When you go to family reunions to pick up chicks.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@cazzie Um. U r a scientific redneck!

When I was about 15 my neighbor boy said he found some “home grown” in the woods, suggested we smoke it. I said, “Sure!” cause I was stupid. Didn’t get high, just got sick. Pretty sure it was sting weed.

augustlan's avatar

1) Moved to West Virginia
2) Doing some work on the WV house, we had both a pick-up truck parked in the front yard and a refrigerator on the front porch.
3) City girl to redneck transition, complete!

Yetanotheruser's avatar

I once ate barbecued raccoon.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Asked @Yetanotheruser how the raccoon was?

Yetanotheruser's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe The raccoon was dead! LOL!

Really, though, it was pretty tasty. I expected a little wild or gamy taste, but my host told me he got it from a place that farm-raises them commercially.

Coloma's avatar

^^^^—-Gag!—

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