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Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Why do teenagers boggle the mind so?

Asked by Hawaii_Jake (25799 points ) April 28th, 2014

I don’t know where to begin. I have two teenage daughters, and one of them is making me bananas. The specifics are unimportant here.

Can you share your stories of raising a teenager and how you survived?

Any tips?

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13 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

Because old people are in denial that they were the same at that age.

pleiades's avatar

There is no logic with teens, only feelings ;)

JLeslie's avatar

Their brains are in a stage of “knowing everything.” Their brains overly focus on difficulties and sadness. They feel much more emotional pain than an adult. They don’t understand consequences fully. They are finding their Indeoendence from their parents and that usually is one of the hardest times psychologically. Adolescence is not strung out over many years in our society. Peer pressure can have them doing things that make them uncomfortable and cause them to lie to their parents, and lies are burdens. This is all on average of course, not an always true sort of deal.

JLeslie's avatar

Sorry for typo, should be adolescence is now strung out over many years.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Teenagers are the same as they always have been. It is you who has gotten older and out of touch.

@Hawaii_Jake – it happens to all of us.

janbb's avatar

We had a rough, rough time with one of ours for about a year. He wasn’t obstreporous, just depressed and very troubled. Sometimes it helps to remember what a fearful time adolescence is, under all that bravado shown. The ywwant to break away and be their own person and they want to crawl back into the (metaphorical) womb. It’s kind like being a two year old, writ larger and more verbal.

Hugs.

filmfann's avatar

We had a terrible time with the oldest. If you end up in family court, you might be approaching the agony level we went through.
The good news is she cleaned up, apologized to us, and has lived a better life. She did this all on her own, mostly due to the upbringing that made her realize what is right/wrong.

Judi's avatar

Just the question makes me want to burry my head under a pillow. I always imagined myself to be the loving understanding mom and my kids would never have to be as miserable as I was. No such luck. My daughters have recovered now and become my best friends. My son on the other hand is still quite the brat. I wonder if he will ever really grow up.

zenvelo's avatar

Because they can.

It’s really a matter of them learning to separate, to disconnect, but doing it on their own terms, yet not risking complete separation without the possibility of return.

Pachy's avatar

Death, taxes AND teenage rebellion against the status quo… ‘twas always so, ‘twill always be.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
johnpowell's avatar

My sister got totally lucky. She had Corey when she was 18 and I was 15. I was pretty much living with her or always there until he was 18. So I taught him how to deal with her. If you are asked to clean you will clean. It isn’t open to negotiation. All your hours of bitching will do is waste time that you could spend skateboarding.

So a decade later I see him playing the same role teaching the twins (girls, 13) the same shit. My sister is cool but you can’t win. My sister pretty much didn’t care about a curfew after we were 16. I’m not sure if she will feel the same when the twins hit 16. They have vaginas.

linguaphile's avatar

I don’t know where to begin. I have a teenage step-son and he is making me bananas. The specifics are unimportant here, but I’ll say that we have to accompany him to court on May 19. This question is helping me too.

When my own son was a teenager, all I did was maintain communication at all times, even if it involved him cussing a long, blue streak at me. My mantra was talk, talk, talk and never judge. He was difficult for 3 years but woke up one day, and we are very, very close now. I wish I could see him everyday. I’m using the same approach with my daughter, hoping that it works as well.

With the step-son… it’s different. He’s the product of another woman’s raising and just moved in with us 7 months ago. I am at my wit’s end.

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