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JG0207's avatar

Should this bother me?

Asked by JG0207 (133 points ) May 2nd, 2014

Recently I asked my girlfriend about this and it’s something that does not bother me, but it seems to bother or worry her a little. I asked her the following, “Are you worried or does it bother you I can’t fight?”. She replied that it does a little. Now she’s trying to convince me to take up an offer on boxing lessons, and I have to be honest, I know she is doing it because she knows it will benefit me. In some way, I also think she is pushing me to accept the offer because she wants to feel safe? What are your thoughts on this? Would it matter if I knew how to defend myself, or would it not matter? I know she might be a bit bummed out if I say no to the offer, and I am thinking this is more for me, but something has to do with her wanting to feel safe knowing I can defend myself or her in any situation that presents itself. She is really telling me to think about it and I have a feeling she wants me to take the classes. So thoughts? Thank you.

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14 Answers

GloPro's avatar

I’ll be completely honest: I like being with a man that makes me feel safe. Security is not always about physical strength or being able to beat up everybody.
Security encompasses being calm in bad circumstances, being a good critical thinker and problem solver, being able to talk your way out of a situation. For some it means being able to handle a variety of weapons.
Security can come from being with a confident man. For me, cowards are a turn-off. But so are recklessly cocky hotheads. It’s a balance of many skill sets. Physical prowess is only one of them.

ibstubro's avatar

Boxing seems like a poor choice for you. How about martial arts? They will increase your self confidence and discipline while teaching you how to defend yourself.

I’d feel better being with a black belt than someone that can give a black eye.

JG0207's avatar

@ibstubro Yeah I would be more into martial arts, I might try it.

@GloPro Thank you for that well put response. It helps me understand what “safe” or security actually is instead of what other people portray it as.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Making too much out of it, do not let it bother you.

dappled_leaves's avatar

I would be alarmed if a suitor listed one of his attributes as “I can fight.” I don’t live in a war zone. Why on earth would I value that in a mate?

hearkat's avatar

It seems she is asking you to be something that you are not, since you weren’t already into combat/martial arts. Are you her boyfriend or her bodyguard? Will you be by her side 24/7? Why isn’t she learning to defend herself if she’s afraid? I don’t generally feel unsafe, so I never felt the need for my boyfriend/husband to make me feel safe.

GloPro's avatar

@JG0207 Why did you ask her if it bothers her that you can’t fight? Was there an event that prompted the question?

Coloma's avatar

I think that we all will react, accordingly, in the moment, if threatened and don’t think we can really plan ahead as to our reactions.
I don’t go for learning fighting techniques. I think it archaic and rather sexist to expect a man to be some sort of protector. Regardless of any formal fighting training nobody can predict what they would do in extreme circumstance and all the training in the world is not going to help you when you have to react in, a, most likely, surprise circumstance.

Sounds like your girlfriend has some serious romance novel fantasies going on.
I am a nature, animal, wildlife nut and guess what?
After years of living in the mountains with bears and mountain lions, being a wildlife rehabber, KNOWING what to do and expect with encountering wildlife….well…one night when I went out to lock my geese up in the barn for the night and came face to face with a cougar….what the hell did I do?

I stood frozen for about 45 seconds, staring at the cat, and then, when it turned and walked away I RAN big fucking no, no, but instinct all the way back to my deck. lol
Yeah…all that knowledge didn’t help when I had a 175 lb. monster feline staring me down.

BosM's avatar

Personally I do not think it’s necessary that you take boxing or martial arts lessons. If you want to protect yourself take self defense classes.

The ability to protect yourself and her benefits you both. Don’t over think it. Look at this as a genuine act by your GF of sincerely caring for your well being. Good luck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssM7AkwzHtY

JLeslie's avatar

I think you both should take a self defense class together. She is not always going to be with you, she should know how to protect herself also. Boxing is different than getting away from the bad guy. In one class especially designed for self defense you learn a lot of great tricks, and If you do it together it will be, well, something you do together. Learning together is always a good thing, and also you both can practice together to keep the information in your heads. I took a class years ago when I worked in a behavioral hospital, slightly different than self defense, but same idea, and I barely remember half of it. If my husband had taken it with me it would have been a very positive thing I think.

JG0207's avatar

@GloPro I asked her if it bothered her because I wanted to know if she felt safe, secure, (whatever you would like to call it) around or with me. But at the moment I was thinking, well if she loves me, it won’t bother her much, maybe a little, but she will hopefully be supportive of any decision I take. I made it clear to her, whether I know self defense or not, if she knew I would do anything in my power to protect her.

Adagio's avatar

I think it both odd and unreasonable that your girlfriend expects you to learn boxing so you can ‘protect’ her, if she feels unsafe she should learn to defend herself, it’s not as if she is going to have someone with her 24hrs a day.

RocketGuy's avatar

I would agree with @ibstubro – martial arts. I am brown belt Aikido. You learn to be aware of your surroundings, which deters many bad guys from the get to (no need to fight them off). You learn to walk around with good posture, which actually gives you strength and makes you look confident. Particularly in Aikido, you learn to see where your opponent is coming from, learn to be confident of the right direction you need to go, and learn to “guide” your opponent towards your direction. This technique is actually useful in a business setting too. So I would highly recommend Aikido.

My style is Ki Society Aikido (you can Google for the nearest dojo), which is gentler. It has the same roots as Steven Seagal’s Aikido. It’s just that he became rougher after he branched off.

nataly54's avatar

Just be honest to yourself if is what you really want, or you gonna end up doing just for her, if you agree maybe later on you might regret of your decision, so be honest to her about it, i think she will completely understeand.

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