Social Question

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

If a woman has sex with a guy in the first 5-48 hours they meet is she eroding her chances for a long-term relationship?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (21618 points ) May 8th, 2014

Coming from the perspective of a woman desiring a long-term relationship, if she meets a guy she likes but gives up all the ”cookies” within hours or the 1st couple of days, does that erode or diminish her chances of establishing a long-term relationship? If you believe it does, please state some details as to why you think so. If you believe it won’t matter (which is good to heard from the guy’s side), please state some details why you don’t believe a woman is hurt by boinking like bunnies that quick, if you indeed think that is quick.

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53 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

No, that’s a stereotype. I’ve done this and had relationships over 5 years long.

stanleybmanly's avatar

It can go either way. She might very well wind up with a willing slave, besotted for life. I’m trying very hard to think of a better way to convince a man that you’re truly interested in him. I think it’s a BIG mistake to dismiss a woman for having a sex life. Now, there certainly can be questions regarding her taste in choosing, but it’s ridiculous for a man to restrict his choices to a “certified” virgin.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ [...but it’s ridiculous for a man to restrict his choices to a “certified” virgin.
I would not even go there here in the US, but that is OK because virgins were not necessarily a part of this equation.

chyna's avatar

If a man boinks like bunnies within the first few hours of meeting a woman, is he a slut? Is that what you are asking?

dappled_leaves's avatar

Imagine a man giving up his “cookies” so easily… simply terrible! Who could respect him after that?

janbb's avatar

WTF are cookies anyway?

stanleybmanly's avatar

The question itself is a tough one because there are just too many variables. It really is a double standard when women have to approach a relationship with “I don’t want him to think I’m easy.” But on the other hand, the man involved is put in the position of “I must somehow convince her that I don’t just want the cookies”. In the end, if there’s physical attraction there, it’s better to get the cookie sampling underway. Get the mystery and the coy silliness out of the way. If the fella in question is really so stupid that he would walk away from a relationship because you found him sexy enough to bed, the fool doesn’t deserve you.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@janbb I’m sure cookieman will be along shortly to explain.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I really like the metaphor of sex as cookies. Perhaps it really is best that gluttony is a vice.

LornaLove's avatar

I think it has less to do with ‘giving away the cookies’ and more about the importance of developing a friendship. Or, idea of compatibility between the two people. If two people meet up and they want to make it work, it is better to develop a friendship or ‘get to know’ type of relationship first.

I have in my life met people who bonked on the first date and ended up married, it could be that they realize that this person (personality) is someone they do want to be with. Conversely it could go the other way. I’m not sure that in an intelligent society this would influence things negatively if they are compatible.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Then there are relationships where it’s virtually the sex alone that matters.

Crazydawg's avatar

If this woman was truly out to find a long term marriage material man to spend the rest of her life with and she gave up her Mrs Fields cookies on the first date or shortly thereafter, she IMO is merely expressing her excitement and enthusiasm for meeting Mr. Right and these moments are a 2 way street where he his acknowledging is approval of allowing future Mrs. Right to partake in a wild nite of passion. Wild sex will only provide the needed glue to provide incentive to navigate and survive the roadblocks and potholes all relationships will encounter.

Coloma's avatar

Haha…5–48 hours WTF, nice time frame of demarcation. lol
The answer is, as always…who the hell knows.
I had sex within the first 3 dates with my ex husband and we stayed married for 21.5 years.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Depends on if the “cookies” are warm or cold, or if I’m in the mood for pie instead.

Unbroken's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Lol.. Do you like your cookies warm or cold, does it depend on the type? Do you like dunking your cookies in milk, or crumbled in ice cream? Store bought or homemade… what if they just are terrible tasting, stale or have some sort of defect?

Hurt? Presumably she wanted to do this, unless we are talking about rape… Or if the guy is clumsy in the extreme. So how would she be hurt? Are you implying all women want relationships, or that the same standard doesn’t apply to men? Or that there is a hidden camera/recording device? Or the guy is a jerk and starts spreading rumors?

Coloma's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Mmm..Lemon Merangue or Key Lime please. haha

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Cream pie of course.

oh… that just… did something

rojo's avatar

The real question is: If a person does not have sex with another person after 21.5 years of marriage is he/she jeopardizing his/her relationship. It is the lack of sex that causes problems.

Unbroken's avatar

Peaches and cream…. even better with ice cream…

trailsillustrated's avatar

No all my husbands started off this way.

johnpowell's avatar

I tend to wait a while to eat the cookies and most of my relationships are short-lived. But I blame that on the alcoholism.

cazzie's avatar

Another really pointless question.

cookieman's avatar

@janbb: I’d be happy to teach you all about cookies.

janbb's avatar

@cookieman Promises, promises…

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@chyna If a man boinks like bunnies within the first few hours of meeting a woman, is he a slut? Is that what you are asking?

@dappled_leaves Imagine a man giving up his “cookies” so easily… simply terrible! Who could respect him after that?
Who? The guys in the pub, the gym, the bowling team, the classroom, etc. etc.

@janbb WTF are cookies anyway?
We will have ’The Talk’ later, and get you up to speed. ~~

@stanleybmanly In the end, if there’s physical attraction there, it’s better to get the cookie sampling underway. Get the mystery and the coy silliness out of the way.
Where do you build or go if you get it all straight off the bat? It is like what do you give an athlete if the moment they step on the field you give them All American, the Heisman, MVP, and the championship after one game; what else is there to shoot for? What mystique is there to bounce off if he explores her body like Lewis and Clark the first night or under half a week?

@LornaLove I have in my life met people who bonked on the first date and ended up married, it could be that they realize that this person (personality) is someone they do want to be with.
Of all of the people you know boinked on the 1st date or less than a week, those who did that and ended up at the alter as oppose to those who didn’t who had the larger numbers?

@Crazydawg If this woman was truly out to find a long term marriage material man to spend the rest of her life with and she gave up her Mrs Fields cookies on the first date or shortly thereafter, she IMO is merely expressing her excitement and enthusiasm for meeting Mr. Right and these moments are a 2 way street where he his acknowledging is approval of allowing future Mrs.
Since this is not the modus operandi for all women who boink on the 1st night, or less than a week, how is he to know HE has been chosen as ‘Mr. Right’? What if she chose him as ‘Mr. Right’ but he don’t care to be ‘Mr. Right’? Then she would have gave it up and still not gotten any closer to the relationship she wanted.

@cazzie Another really pointless question.
Where have you been? Do you not know, have you not seen, that is the nature of most Fluther questions. They are forced to be so open-ended that no concrete answer can ever be extrapolated but it is fun to merely talk about the solution unobtainable. If it were presented in a way for there to actually be closest to a concrete answer the question would have evaporated and you would not even have had the chance to put in a quip about it.

Crazydawg's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Then she is both desperate, a lousy judge of character and has lowered her standards for finding her life long partner. When someone who has discerning tastes and requirements for a partner can decide to hop in bed with someone the met just hours ago I call it chemistry. Of all my long term G/F’s and now wife I knew within hours of meeting them that we had something special.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Crazydawg Then she is both desperate, a lousy judge of character and has lowered her standards for finding her life long partner.
I guess that would sum up a great deal of women, huh? Or, they just wanted to be a landing pad for someone while they play a night of pole inspector.

Crazydawg's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central That would be your summation not mine. I navigated the waters of many a dance floor and found the women I met to be discerning and lady like and I cannot validate your characterization of the women of my time as “pole inspectors”.

Dutchess_III's avatar

When Rick came over the first time, after about 5 hours of listening to him talk, I dragged him to bed to shut him up. That was 12 years ago.

trailsillustrated's avatar

Cookies and pole inspectors? Is this new American slang?

dappled_leaves's avatar

@trailsillustrated No, @Hypocrisy_Central speaks a language that is all his own.

cazzie's avatar

God forbid a woman actually just WANTS some sex from a guy she finds attractive and just met but doesn’t want a long term mate. OMG…. the idea that a women would have sex just for the enjoyment of it and simply ruin herself… gosh oh gosh….. @Crazydawg wake up and smell the century.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@cazzie Exactly. I feel like this thread was written in 1953.

janbb's avatar

@Hypocrisy. You come across as such a misogynist here; I wonder what your experience with real life women is. I do my best to not engage with you but I need to say that once.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Dutchess_III When Rick came over the first time, after about 5 hours of listening to him talk, I dragged him to bed to shut him up. That was 12 years ago.
How often was that the result for women you knew ended up in bed with the guy in the first 48 hr. that you know of, not in general?

@trailsillustrated Cookies and pole inspectors? Is this new American slang?
I suppose I could have used the more universal but cruder way of saying such as ”give up the pussy” and ”human jackoff rag” but some might have taken offense to those terms.

@janbb You come across as such a misogynist here; I wonder what your experience with real life women is.
Why, because I read too many women’s magazines and have questions off things they put in there published articles and relationship polls? What do you call women who talk if such things? As for my experience, I will give you a bone; any woman I was able to boink right off the bat, I was not thinking of her as being ”Mrs. Right”. I was only thinking to get my jollies with her for the next 90 min. If I planned to see her again it was because I wanted to ride her hard and pout her away wet again. Never had I seen a woman as ”Her” from sex the 1st 48 hr. At most, those who did so around here were bag ho’s, to be blunt about it. Now, I would wait until I knew her well enough to put a ring on it and she agreed as much.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central That’s some lovely imagery you have going there. Why is she the “bag ho”, and not you? Do you even realize that this view of women’s sexuality is (thankfully) becoming increasingly marginalized, because society recognizes that it is a pathetically misogynistic double standard?

chyna's avatar

@hyppcrisy only thinking to get my jollies with her for the next 90 min 90 Minutes my ass.
I have an image of you as a 38 year old overweight pimple faced man living in his mom’s basement looking at porn 12 hours a day.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@dappled_leaves Why is she the “bag ho”, and not you?
Because I was not the crackster bangster hooked on meth that would boink a dog if it meant getting the next high. Those women I had associated with in the past would boink your brains out if they thought you would buy them, or had a bag of dope for them to get high with; and there were hardly any holds barred.

@chyna I have an image of you as a 38 year old overweight pimple faced man living in his mom’s basement looking at porn 12 hours a day.
Interesting, however I will bite, just to let you know you are off by a ways. FYI, mom has been dead to liver cancer about 11 yr. now. Plus she never had a basement. I lost 12 pounds over the last 10 months by cycling places 94% of the time; under 180lb now. Last but not least, too busy Fluthering and shopping on Amazon while online to watch porn. It would be more fun to actually do it with some meth-head chic than watch it on the Internet. ;-P

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Let me ask you, if a man let a women into his bed within the first 48, would she still respect him? Would she still be interested in a long-term relationship with him? This is a high school question, actually. Not one for real adults.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Let me ask you, if a man let a women into his bed within the first 48, would she still respect him? Would she still be interested in a long-term relationship with him?
That is a good question, I can only go by women I knew, and it might have been a mixed bag of nuts. I know some women who would go to a bar knowing they were going to have a man in their bed when they got home. They also knew there was going to be another man there in a couple of days and it wasn’t going to be the 1st one. Then other women if they were really interested in a guy, they wanted to see how interested he was, so they would not give it up that quick. Of those who boinked the guy 1st night, never really seem to think any more about him than he was available for a night of fun, respect or not being a non-issue.

Crazydawg's avatar

@cazzie I am sorry if my opinion doesn’t mesh with you puritanical drum beats. I had a great time in the 70’s and still have lots of fun sexually with my wife 30+ years later…perhaps it is time you let your hair down and enjoy some kick ass secs….that is if you know what that even is! ;)

cazzie's avatar

@Crazydawg Personally, that has never been my style, but I will defend my sisters right to freedom to express her sexuality and enjoy it without double standards from hypocrites.

flutherother's avatar

It depends how many guys she has sex with in the first 5 – 48 hours. I like to think it was just one and they fell in love and lived happily ever after but I’m just a hopeless romantic.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ It depends how many guys she has sex with in the first 5 – 48 hours.
Really, be it 5, 15, or 50, if she believed all were “Mr. Right” enough to give it all up in under 2 day, it doesn’t matter if the guy was thinking of keeping it going just until something better came along, or it grew old and stale.

Dutchess_III's avatar

What kind of a slut would allow a woman to take him to bed in the first 5–48 hours? I mean, if he does that, chances are he’ll go to bed with anything, no matter how skanky, at the drop of a hat. Or maybe he thinks each on is “Mrs. Right,” and he’s desperate.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Dutchess_III What kind of a slut would allow a woman to take him to bed in the first 5–48 hours? I mean, if he does that, chances are he’ll go to bed with anything, no matter how skanky, at the drop of a hat.
Guys with GQ model good-looks will allow her the privilege to be in his bed or him to visit hers. He doesn’t have to take the skankiest ones, when you have 12 women vying for your attention, you can pick and choose; if you even get to the skanky ones it is long after the fine once have been rode through. There have always been guys like that, even from high school, come prom time they have 4 to 6 girls trying to shove the others out of the way to be his prom date.

Or maybe he thinks each on is “Mrs. Right,” and he’s desperate.
They are chasing him, he doesn’t have to see them as ”Mrs. Right” or be desperate to get them, they are more like the “flavor of the week”; happens to be rocky road this week, next we he will switch to chocolate chip cookie dough.

If she thinks she will make him wait for it, she would be wrong; why wait a month for her when there are gals who will give it up quicker?

chyna's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Yeah, because there are millions of GQ looking men just walking the streets.~

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ Yeah, because there are millions of GQ looking men just walking the streets
More like a bunch of women who think slightly better than average guys look like GQ models ~

Dutchess_III's avatar

Ha ha ha ha!!! I never had a problem with turning down GQ guys along with every other kind of guy trying to get me into bed after taking one look at me! Ha! Oh, brother. Lots of skanky GQ and non-GQ guys out there. I promise. Skanky sluts. Lots of ‘em.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I must clarify….lots of NON-sluttly GQ and non-GQ guys out there too. But, in my experience, most men are a lot more non-discriminating than most women.

Crazydawg's avatar

To save the status quo at Fluther I would allow you your observation @Dutchess_III and I would hope you allow me mine. You may think men may fantasize and lust at a greater rate than women…but the fact remains that a man should not engage in sexual activity with a woman unless he has earned her permission to do so. Happens all the time even as we speak. Lust happens on a very equal stage.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I wasn’t responding to any thing you said @Crazydawg. My comment had absolutely nothing to do with giving permission or not. I was talking to @Hypocrisy_Central who seems to have this idea that if a guy is simply good looking women will be falling for him left and right, eager to jump right in bed with him. That’s a man’s wishful thinking. It’s simple projecting. A good looking guy might have a slightly better chance, but not in the same way a good looking woman will, if that’s all she’s after.

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