General Question

fuglyduckling's avatar

What do you think of casual sex from mere sexual impulse?

Asked by fuglyduckling (355 points ) 1 month ago

Call me lame but I am chaste. I only want to and would have (mostly) sexual interactions with guys I like. I am sick of arguing with my friends who have no problem having very casual sex. They think I am not ‘living my life’ and I’m being uptight. I dont do it not because I think its not necessary or appealing, I also feel so. I don’t get people who are opposite of me in this sense. I can’t understand them and it drives me insane. Mind a little help? Am I the prude lame girl here?

Taken from Schopenhauer’s Metaphysics of love:

“We have seen in the above that the intensity of love increases with its individualisation, because we have shown that the physical qualities of two individuals can be such that, for the purpose of restoring as far as possible the type of the species, the one is quite specifically and perfectly the completion or supplement of the other, which therefore desires it exclusively. Already in this case a considerable passion arises, which at once gains a nobler and more sublime appearance from the fact that it is directed toward an individual object; thus, as it were, arises at the special order of the species. For the opposite reason, the mere sexual impulse is ignoble, because without individualisation it is directed to all, and strives to maintain the species only as regards quantity, with little respect as to quality. But the individualising, and with it the intensity of the love, can reach so high a degree that without its satisfaction all the good things in the world, and even life itself, lose their value. It is then a wish which attains a vehemence that no other wish ever reaches, and therefore makes one ready for any sacrifice, and in case its fulfilment remains unalterably denied, may lead to madness or suicide. At the foundation of such an excessive passion there must lie, besides the considerations we have shown above, still others which we have not thus before our eyes….”

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12 Answers

Seek's avatar

Sex is and should always be a choice. Period.

If you’re having sex because your friends think you should, that would be lame.

Forcing yourself not to have sex because your friends think you should would be lame, too.

Live your own life, your own way, for your own reasons.

longgone's avatar

Do what feels right. If your friends can’t grasp that you’re capable of making your own decisions, tell them to get lost.

But don’t quote Schopenhauer at them…!

fuglyduckling's avatar

@Seek @longgone But why do they do this! Almost everyone I talk to about sex just says they do it this casually! I knew someone who told me his friend group has sex with each other all the time, like every single person. I don’t get it!

elbanditoroso's avatar

tl;dr

But the quick answer is that all the philosophical crap is just mumbo jumbo. We each make our own decisions based on our own needs and values. Not from externalities.

So have sex because YOU want to. If you don’t want to, then don’t.

GloPro's avatar

Your question is why people have casual sex?

Because it feels good. Because getting into a serious relationship can take a long time. Because you are physically attracted to someone that is only passing through your life. Because you are on vacation and you’re horny. Because it’s exciting. Because you’re drunk and foolish.

I’m not sure why your friends are pressuring you to have casual sex. Some people are more relaxed about sharing their bodies. Some people like the emotional bonds that enhance sex. Neither is wrong, as long as measures are taken to protect your health and prevent unwanted pregnancies.

Stop arguing. There is no right or wrong here.

longgone's avatar

Some of it will just be bragging. Apart from that…I don’t know your friends, so I’m not sure. They could be insecure. Maybe they just very much enjoy sex.

Perhaps you should try to find a couple of new friends. I’m not saying you should give up the others, but it might help you feel less alone there.

Seek's avatar

@fuglyduckling

I have friends that are in open relationships: they are in committed relationships and still have casual sex with other people. That is their choice.

I have friends that are polyamorous: They have committed relationships with more than one person at a time. That is their choice.

I have had sex with exactly one person my entire life. That was my choice, at least so far.

Judging other people because they choose to have sex is just as bad as judging someone because they choose not to. There is no reason you need to “get” their choice. As long as they are not hurting anyone that isn’t consenting, they are not doing anything wrong. And neither are you.

My suggestion is you find something else to talk about with your friends than their sexual activity. It’s really none of your business anyway.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, what @Seek said. As long as it IS a choice and not because you are needy of attention. Many people are sexually compulsive because they have low self esteem and use sex for validation. Not a good thing.

hearkat's avatar

I am pushing 50 and I lost my virginity very young. I was sexually abused as a child, I’ve had deeply committed relationships, and I’ve had one-night-stands and friends-with-benefits. The situations that I engaged in as a consenting participant were my choice, and I have no regrets.

Your perceptions about sex and romance, and how the two relate to each other, will likely change and evolve as you go through life. As long as the individuals involved are choosing their actions freely, and are not being forced or coerced into participating, then any physical or psychological rewards or consequences are theirs to deal with.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Call me lame but I am chaste.
NO, I will call you smart and very wise.

Am I the prude lame girl here?
No, you are so far above the Bell Curve on them they can’t reach you with a rocket.

Just because your friends have eroded the beauty, majesty, mystery and greatness sex was intended to be and reduced it to an ”In-and-Out” burger, you don’t have to follow suit. My prediction is they will never have a fulfilled sex life because there will never be anything special about it; if 70% of cars on the road are Ferris, they cease to be an exotic sports car but just another vehicle. You keep doing it the way you are, in the long run your wisdom will outpace the headaches they will eventually encounter.

GloPro's avatar

^^ I have a great sex life. No complaints. Probably fewer complaints than my married friends. I consider myself as fulfilled as I am when in a monogamous relationship. I want the perks of a relationship, but I can find good sex anywhere.

stop judging people like me.

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