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longgone's avatar

Have you ever tried to stop caring about someone? Did it work?

Asked by longgone (7439 points ) June 15th, 2014

As asked.

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16 Answers

Khajuria9's avatar

I did try to stop that, it didn’t work out though.

cookieman's avatar

Feelings are uncontrollable. They have a mind of their own and do not resins to logic. You can, however, control how you act in response to them.

(Perhaps not too) deep down though, you still care.

The only thing that changes feelings for real is time.

longgone's avatar

^ Thanks. I was afraid of that response…but you’re right.

antimatter's avatar

Yes I did, and it worked out better than I anticipated.

yankeetooter's avatar

Yes…and no.

janbb's avatar

With me, it takes a long time. I am nearly over my Ex but it was very difficult and now am struggling to recuperate from a more recent friendship break-up. I try to fill my life with meaningful things and people and eventually the hurt lessens, although I do still care.

AshLeigh's avatar

I think more often than not, I find myself trying to remember why I ever cared in the first place.
I’m not very good at caring.

hearkat's avatar

In my longest relationships, I have stuck-it out in caring for the person until they had drained all the caring out of me and I had nothing left to give. In the cases where I was rejected, it did take a quite a while for me to let go of those feelings of longing and hoping.

However, I have never stopped truly caring about and feeling love for any of them. They have all been important in my life and I sincerely wish them well. This is where it helped me to distinguish between the the feelings of love and care and the acts of loving and caring.

As I matured and became more comfortable in my own skin, and confident in myself as an independent person, it got easier to let go since I didn’t define myself as being someone’s “other”.

I am not able to relate this to the loss of a friendship, because I haven’t had to end any of those. I guess the hardest was when my mentor and I had a fight and I got unjustly fired. But in that case, anger helped fuel the detachment. I often see people use anger for that purpose, which is why it sometimes seems like people are overreacting – but I think they are simply using the anger as a shield or a wedge to increase the distance when they know in their heads that it’s for the best, but their hearts are torn.

ibstubro's avatar

For me, it depends on who broke with who, or the conditions of separating.

The love of my life and I separated in college because they had a prior commitment to someone else. 30+ years later, even death has not taken all the sting away.

On the other hand, my parents did me wrong one time too many when I was about 22, and I broke with them and never looked back. 30+ years later, and even 1 death has not made me regret it.

fightfightfight's avatar

I’ve tried dozens of times but I can’t help it because I still care what they think about me. I wish I didn’t but I do, it’s so annoying!

elbanditoroso's avatar

People who say “feelings are uncontrollable” are wrong.

It take effort, but you can – if you really want to – tell yourself not to care. It’s not easy at first, because your inclination is to care, but then (at least for me) a little red flag comes out and says “no more” – and eventually I get used to it.

It’s mind over matter. Like any addition, you can will yourself if you have the internal strength to do so.

ibstubro's avatar

Personally, @elbanditoroso, I 100% agree. But not all people are wired the same. I’m constantly amazed at some of the obviously stupid crap people do, then I wonder if they think the same about me.

I’m not sure everyone has a “little red flag indicator”. I, personally, have an annoying ‘double speed bump’ indicator.

El_Cadejo's avatar

I’ve never had to try. If you did something for me to change my feelings about you, it had to be pretty drastic on you’re part and as a result ,it was pretty effortless on my part.

GloPro's avatar

The crying stops in a couple of weeks, with the occasional woe-me moment even months later. The daily crossing of the mind takes many months. It is a refreshing moment to realize that you haven’t thought of someone for a few days.
The discomfort and anxiety of seeing them in person can be the longest to fade. But it will.

Eventually you wonder why you ever hurt so bad in the first place, and you honestly feel almost nothing.

janbb's avatar

@GloPro Excellent analysis!

longgone's avatar

Thanks for the additional responses.

I’m not even sure I’ll feel better after “breaking up”. The thing is, I can control my emotions in the moment. When I’m unhappy, it’s often enough to tell myself that changing my mood would make me feel better. However, I don’t know whether I’d be able to do that long-term. I doubt it. Maybe doing what @El_Cadejo does is easiest.

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