How do you deal with Loneliness?

Promiscuity.

I would think time is your biggest problem Lynne.
Stop thinking about the negative side of your life,do exactly what you used to before the split,just without you’re partner.

Need Sex?It’s out there,just don’t give it away.(dont charge either)

I don’t think she means sex oasis.

You have no idea how lucky you are to have your son. And of course “being on my own” is an idea we all value, but then loneliness is the price to pay. I think we are too selfish, and we don’t realise that this price is far too high. And of course now your son is still a baby (not even 2, right?), but what will you do in 10 or 20 years, when he will be an independant man (and probably want nothing to do with you) and of course you won’t be getting any younger?
I don’t know the details of your personal life, so I don’t know about your relationships and what went wrong. But I’m sure that at least one of them could be saved. And perhaps the next time you’ll try harder (regardless of what the other person does) and invest on a long-term relationship that would hopefully last beyond youth and into the darker years.

Oh and to answer the actual question…no, there’s nothing you can do. Get depressed, feel lonely, turn to alcoholism and drugs. If you’re lucky then maybe pull yourself together and go have a one-night-stand or something and then regret it the next day. Loneliness is hard. And there’s no cure for it.

I’ve been completely alone since Christmas Day. And I mean alone, not even some old relative to chat with. My only conversation with another human being was with a waitress yesterday. Mainly been locked in a hotel room for the better part of a week. It was great for a couple of days, then it started to sink in. Even though I do have a girlfriend, we can’t be together right now, and I don’t know when I’ll see her again. I also don’t know when I’ll see my daughter again or if she’s ok. And all my friends are very far away. So no, it’s not nice.

I sing.

It’s a wonderful distraction.

Hard one. I get very lonely but am most of the time.
But a stuffed teddy bear?
No people I don’t do that but I am just trying to help.

Jack…there really isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think how lucky I am to have my son. I’m a little bit familiar with your circumstance and i can thoroughly appreciate that you must be going through hell right now…particularly as you have no friends or family around you.

Your response has reminded me though exactly how fortunate I am to have both friends and family around me. Not in the least to say how incredibly grateful I am to have been able to just put my son safely to bed.

I’m not (at this time I might add) particularly interested in sex with strangers…or even with familiar men tbh… so that isn’t a priority thank god. I am a little troubled though by your comment about trying harder next time in a relationship…regardless of what the other person does.

I have been in a couple of abusive relationships and following that having got involved with the father of my son and mistakenly took him for someone with an ounce of responsibility have tried very very hard indeed to make a relationship work with him the capacity in which would benefit my son. The last relationship i had and have just ended was incredibly complicated and I’m sure people are not that interested as to want me to go into the details…but suffice to say…

For someone who has been in several negative, abusive, self-grading, unhealthy relationships I would personally never advise anyone to “try harder (regardless of what the other person does)”. This can only end in sheer disaster and women and men all over the world into potentially miserable relationships for the sake of being in one.

Loneliness is hard… I hope you find more peace within yourself and happiness once your child is safely with you x

Lynne, your pict. is so cute that I imagine you will not have much problem in time.

I think that some times effort defeats its self. The harder you DON’T TRY, the more likely you will find what you are looking for.

I wish I was young and cute, as I am now, neither! Count your blessings!

Go into it. No, seriously, move into the feeling. Allow it to be present. Sit with it for a bit. All feelings are there to help you; they’re trying to tell you something if you’re willing to listen. Your loneliness is a friend coming to be with you and “talk” for a while. When you’ve had your “conversation,” it will move on. It’s a great thing, because when it’s done you will have learned something new about yourself and your needs.

Feelings move on a lot faster when we don’t try to ignore them or push them away.

I just would like to say that I understand how you feel. I have 2 kids, and when they were young I left my husband. I was very lonely but also happy to know that I did the right thing for my kids. It takes more willpower to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.
Anyway, to answer your question- when I am lonely I try to find something to take my mind off it, like shopping or reading a book. I found this site just today, and I’m sure it will provide some entertainment :-)

April that was great, sounds like an NLP technique, lurve to ya!

I think when you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to think about how nice singletonhood would be, and when you’re single, relationships seem better. Think about all the things you didn’t like about being in a relationship. You can flirt with the cute guy behind the ticket counter, eat nachos for dinner every night, steal all the blankets, go to bed when you want to, wake up when you want to, not have to feel guilty about working late, watch horrible TV, start new projects, leave the dishes in the sink, etc.

@Mizuki…. thank you…never had a compliment from a stranger like that before…

@april…. that’s exactly the kind of thing I need to hear…thank you…. are you talking about an inner child kind of thing…conversation? or literally,...loneliness itself

@nikipedia…totally agree… i should focus more on the positive attributes of being outside of a relationship…all the above and more…. (and I forgot how good pleasuring oneself could be too…. whoops did i say that out loud?...) On no i whispered…jolly good!

:o)

Shame you live in Lancashire i would have popped round.

@oasis – you cheeky monkey! you never did say where you were/are from….you made me giggle anyway a lot

You never asked.

I did too…. check out your comments hun x

anyway….back to the question in hand…. ;-) any other offers of wisdom x

Yeah,smoke some green

April I read that 5 times and loved it. That’s what I should do. Thanks. lurve

Thanks, you guys. It’s something I’m learning to do myself after many years. I know that as a kid, I had to either wipe that smile off my face, stop “showing off,” or shut up crying or I’d get something to really cry about. Lonely? Look, get outside and play and don’t bother me with that mess. So what did I do? Stuffed my feelings down, ignored them, distracted myself with a toy or TV or a cookie. There was even a gospel song by Andrae Crouch that played on repeat in my house: Stop depending on your feelings, the song went, and start trusting God’s word. OK, I understand now where he was going, but when I was a kid, the message seemed to be, “Your feelings will steer you wrong!” Oy.

And then one day, I woke up and I wasn’t a child anymore, but I was still doing the same thing when feelings I wasn’t comfortable with showed up. And it was causing problems in a lot of aspects of my life. But I’ve learned in the last year or so that no matter what I thought, what I felt and believed was that I didn’t have the “right” to my feelings, which is sad. Like, who needs to have “rights” to their feelings? They’re there! And I was way out of practice in just letting them be.

One thing I have to watch for is holding in my stomach. I only noticed recently that I do that when feelings are trying to come through. So it’s a meditative thing where I’m paying attention to my body and asking myself what I’m feeling, like: “Huh, my shoulders are hunched up and tight, and that’s happening now that I’m telling my roommate to clean up after herself. OK, this is what happens when I’m scared. I’m scared she’s going to yell at me.” Thus, I learnt that I struggle with asserting my needs, which leads to asking more questions and sorting out more stuff.

Again, I’m just learning as I go along, but with enough practice I’ll be in better touch with myself and with what I need and figure out how to help myself. Sometimes it’s painful, but now, I’d rather have the pain run its way through and not hold onto it, if I can. As for being lonely, when the feeling comes over you, see what part of your body is manifesting the feeling and just let it express itself. You don’t have to do anything or act on it immediately (unless, of course, you’ve gone on fire), just pay attention to it and see what it’s trying to tell you. Anyhoo. That’s what I mean.

I hope this helps. Radical Acceptance. Helpful book in this regard.

I just Fluther.

Hey Glenn,are you past the lonliness yet?

April——that was heartfelt and sincere. Great.

When i’m lonely i listen to Music, watch Movies and surf the Web

Try joining some club or go to a gym where you can meet some new friends to share the down times with. If you’re religious, you could become active with a church group. Take a night class, take up painting, or something artistic.

Call an old friend you haven’t hear from in a while. there are plenty of things you can do to pass the time when you feel lonely.. I wonder if what you really are is bored.

I always listen to music. I put upbeat music on. I get me more upbeat-thinking.

90’s upbeat music:
1. Good Vibrations – Markymark
2. Mama Said Knock You Out – LL Cool J
3. Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
4. Gangsta’s Paradise – Coolio
5. You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette (Opposite of upbeat, but the song is freaking awesome when I am angry)
6. Mr. Jones
7. Can I Get A… – Jay-Z
8. Someday – Sugar Ray
9. Escapade – Janet Jackson
10. Jump Around – House of Pain
11. Groove Is In the Heart – Dee-lite
12. Breathe – Faith Hill
13. Ironic – Alanis Morissette
14. Get Off – Prince
15. Love & Affection – Nelson
16. This Is How We Do It – Montell Jordan
17. You Get What You Give – New Radicals
18. Achy Breaky Heart – Bill Ray Cyrus
19. Bitch – Meredith Brooks
20. Are You Gonna Go My Way – Lenny Kravitz
21. Madonna – Vogue (no homo)
22. It Was A Good Day – Ice Cube
23. Jump – Kriss Kross
24. Sex & Candy – Marcy Playground
25. California Love – 2pac
26. En Vogue – My Lovin’
27. Whatta Man – Salt-N-Pepa
28. Freedom ‘90 – George Michael
29. Poison – Bel Biv De Voe
30. Never Said – Liz Phair
31. On & On – Erykah Badu
32. If – Janet Jackson
33. Diamonds and Pearls – Prince
34. Tubthumping – Chumbawumba
35. All I Wanna Do – Sheryl Crow

Etc…

@90s: “21. Madonna – Vogue (no homo)”

Are you kidding me?

What?

“no homo”

That’s offensive.

Just saying, sorry.
Have you ever seen the Vogue video?
right here (1:40–1:58 & etc.)
The hand dance was made in a gay club and I just wanted people to know I wasn’t gay. That’s all.

find someone

Read a book. Books can often be fun to get into, and a great companion.

And Weird Al Yankovich is great music to listen to when you need a laugh. My favorites are “White and Nerdy” “Amish Paradise” and “Ebay”

actually jokes and hilarious videos or comedies and so on are always good when you’re feeling low (not just out of loneliness). They won’t make you feel any better, but at least they’ll ease the pain and not let you get worse.

Everyone feels lonely at some point in life. I’ve been feeling lonely lately too, so I know how you feel.

I just try to keep my head up and positive, so I don’t sink.

sleep. which doesn’t actually help much, but for the time being it does. find some music that means a lot to you. read some books that bring you somewhere else. watch movies and documentaries. it feels better to know that there are so many people with similar problems that they’ve made movies and music all about it.
and most importantly, do things that make you feel good about yourself. learn how to do something crafty, help people that need it. it makes you realize that your time is worthwhile.

I’ve tried sleeping—to me it makes it work. Make sure lights are on—that helps a lot.

@ mangeons
Don’t forget “Pancreus”—-my favorite!

This is helping because today I’m not handling it very well.

[hands loser a beer]

well I don’t know how to properly deal with loneliness…I talk to friends feel sad and snap out of it and tell myself life goes on every once in a while I will ask a question on here or other sites like this and try to apply some of the tips and live life. thanks for the question this is a good one.

I’ve been alone for the majority of my life. If you count when I first started loving then it was from the fourth grade at ten. If you count the start of the realization that no one loves me , it was around grade 11 at age 17. If you count when I saw that I could be alone for a very long time, it was around age 22.

You see one year in school was popular and loved. Well, I had to move and I was devastated. I had my high school prom date basically tell me she didn’t have feelings for me and that she only wanted me to spend time with her those weekends before prom was to ensure I’d ask her so she would have a prom date.

I have found people, good people on line who show lots of love, almost like a girlfriend like relationship.

So you see, 3 years is nothing. Try living a lifetime of loneliness. It’s a cold that gets down into your bones. You have it better than a lot of people. Don’t go to places where there are couples. Go to where the singles hang out and soon enough, you won’t have to anymore.

Me? Well, I just have very bad luck and I like women who don’t like me. Ever.

I’m not sure if I experience loneliness as much as I do the nagging urge to be, or expectation of being, uber social like the rest of the world (gross exaggerating). That bothers me way more than loneliness for some reason because sometimes, a lot of times, I do just want to be alone because people are complicated! lol. Social pressures aren’t as quiet as loneliness. It’s glaring in your eyes and blaring in your ears at every street corner you turn at. It’s the world.

Loneliness it not so loud (at least to me), and therefore easier to ignore. You can find all sorts of “distractions” to keep your mind off such things, but the fact, I believe, is that everyone’s missing something vital inside of them and we’re all longing for it deeply but can’t have it in this life. It’s who we are.

But you can still feel loneliness even with lots of friends and people in your life—even with all of the “noise” and vivacity that comes with that—and that’s probably one of the scariest things about it.

How to truly deal with loneliness, and not ignore it? Well…some people never figure that out. Maybe it’s just a spiritual thing that something have to seek out for themselves to fill that void. Whatever gives a purpose and life, or the essence of it, is probably where you’ll find your solution to that void. Not completely obtain it necessarily, but at least find it and know that it’s there. Is it an object or an idol? Is it many? Is it a belief system? Is it a god(s)?

(Personally, I’m a Christian so I find it necessary to stick with my God, when I can. Knowing that this world, that we, aren’t not as we were meant to be and that things can be better…)

After much searching and questioning i believe i have the answer, for myself at least at this time… I read a book not too long ago maybe a year or so called The Invitation the link is the poem that the book is based upon. My counsellor suggested that it might be good for me to read this book again and (although I’m only a few chapters in) it’s amazing how it’s speaking to me on deeper and different levels than before.

The specific part of the poem that i find relevant to this question is where she says “I want to know whether you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it”. I think that the loneliness, that gut wrenching fear of being present with myself is the problem here…and not moving to hide it, fade it or fix it is what I’ll be trying to do from now on.

Beautiful, Lynne. I loved that book. Comforting, challenging, raw.