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wundayatta's avatar

Do you ever turn down friend requests on facebook?

Asked by wundayatta (58377 points ) February 2nd, 2009

I generally feel like asking people to be friends is intrusive. So far, I’ve only asked friends from college or my family members. My daughter, who started at the same time as I did, already has 89 friends. My sister has hundreds (I don’t know when she started).

So I was thinking about it, and wondering if I would turn down a friend request, and although I’m a misanthrope, I thought the only circumstance would be if I didn’t know the person. Even people I despise, I might accept, because it’s weird not to (I think). Not every site is like fluther where you can follow a person if you want, but it’s all voluntary (although some people feel if they are fluthered, they must fluther in return).

So, do you turn down requests? If so, under what circumstances, or why do you? If not, why not?

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37 Answers

Kiev749's avatar

nope. If i dont know them, i get to know them. its always nice to have someone to talk to.

EmpressPixie's avatar

Yes, all the time. If I don’t know you, I’m not friending you. Once you are my “friend” you can see personal info about me. I’m not letting strangers at that info.

cheebdragon's avatar

No, but that’s probably because I don’t use facebook.

Vinifera7's avatar

I’m ambivalent about facebook in general. I don’t even know why I use it. Is it to stalk people? Is it to feel slightly less alone without having to actually talk to someone?

I used to reject friend requests from complete strangers, but I recently decided to recant that decision and just accept all requests.

delirium's avatar

Constantly. Especially after creepy guy incident.

aprilsimnel's avatar

The only people who ever ask to friend me are people I know and like in real life, so I haven’t turned down anyone who’s asked yet.

Judi's avatar

When I was on “another” site I accepted several friend requests from there. I now find it hard to get the information about the people I really know because I am hearing about nice people, but I really don’t care it they took their cat to the vet today, you know what I mean? So now, unless I know someone personally and am really interested in keeping up with their life, I won’t add them as a friend. Not because I don’t like them, but because it makes my page all messy and confuses me. I also don’t like all the extra junk that comes along, “25 things about you,” Pillow fight, candy gram, flower patch and all that stuff. I need my page cleaner.

arnbev959's avatar

Pocket veto.

I never reject, but sometimes I don’t accept.

Emdean1's avatar

All the time. There are some wierdos out there. Although i give chances to people who actually write something when teh friend me.

cwilbur's avatar

If I wouldn’t consider you at least an acquaintance already, you aren’t my friend on Facebook. When I first signed on to Facebook, a lot of people from high school found me and sent friend requests. Most of them didn’t say three words to me in high school and haven’t talked to me since, and so I just deleted the requests.

There are also people I know, but want absolutely nothing to do with. I delete their requests too.

Vinifera7's avatar

@cwilbur
That’s why I find Facebook so strange. I get all these people from highschool that I never even talked to sending me friend requests. Yet the majority of the people that I did talk to aren’t on Facebook.

Bri_L's avatar

@Vinifera7 – I lucked out, it is like someone took the gang I hung out with, who hasn’t been together since 1987 and threw them on face book. The total opposite of your experience. It has been really cool.

But one of them has done way to much of that pillow fighting super poke 25 thing join this join that pieces of flair crap.

girlofscience's avatar

I reject people all the time, but only because I don’t know them.

I have 705 facebook friends. They are a collection of everyone I have ever known in my life. I would not be friends with someone I did not know (not because I am afraid of anything, but because I use facebook to keep up with the lives of people I know, and I don’t want my newsfeed cluttered with random updates from strangers). I am facebook friends with people I do not like. If I know them, they are my facebook friend, whether I like them or not.

writerini's avatar

Yeah, sure.

Judi's avatar

@girlofscience ;
and I have trouble navigating 23! The burdens of age I guess.

figbash's avatar

Oh yeah. You kind of have to. I’ve even denied some family.

When I first signed on, every single person in my hometown who had ever known me, sent friend requests. This also included a lot of people from high school that I had never spoken to and really had nothing to say to. Facebook requires a lot of maintenance because you get so much information about everything everyone is doing, and the last thing I need to deal with is the every-five-minute updates of a bunch of people I really don’t know. Also, out of goodwill, I added some exes, or guys I had dated, and this has had some unfortunate results.

My general rule is to add friends I want to keep in touch with, people I really like and would like to get to know better, or situations where it would be socially difficult if it was clear I rejected their request. Also, if it’s the girlfriend of boyfriend of one of my friends, I add with serious caution. Once their relationship ends, letting them have access to my life and my friend’s – by default, feels really weird.

onesecondregrets's avatar

I turn them down if I have no knowledge of who they are. Otherwise, you’re fair game.

gimmedat's avatar

I had a Facebook for about two weeks. During that time, I got friend requests from relatives who I’ve had no contact with in years. I refused their friend requests. Facebook is pretty cool for keeping connected, but for building a relationship where there previously was not one, I’m not with that.

loser's avatar

All the freakin’ time!

Jack79's avatar

I always accept people I know, even if I don’t necessarily like them all that much. I even accepted a couple I didn’t know, and added one that just happened to have the same name as a friend.

The paradox is that I’ve ended up with “friends” that I talk to on facebook but wouldn’t even wave at in the street.

lollipop's avatar

I had facebook for a couple months and got tired of all the apps and nonsense so stopped it.

Mr_M's avatar

@lolli, I did the same. The apps are OK at first but after awhile… And some people just send you an app because they go down the list of names the app presents them. And they do it over and over.

Getting back to the question, I absolutely, positively NEVER accepted one of those “Friend Suggestion” things where someone suggests you become friends with a person. I feel if that person wants to be friends, they should ask ME. No?

cheebdragon's avatar

What was the yearbook for exactly??

bridold's avatar

I only add people I know on Facebook and Myspace. I get a lot of weird and random people who add me for no reason.

I’d rather not have random people I don’t know looking through my pictures and stuff. It just seems creepy to me.

I use both of those sites to keep up with my friends and arrange get-togethers – not to make friends.

not that using those sites is stupid for making friends. If that’s how you make friends, that’s fine. I just prefer going out and meeting people the old fashion way

ella's avatar

i reject requests from people i don’t know, or don’t like. facebook is my time and place, i don’t have to share that. on the other hand, my mother recently joined (thanks a lot for teaching her how, little brother) and i didn’t feel like i could reject her request w/out some repercussions in real life. but if she calls me one more time to ask me “what does it mean if so-and-so threw a snowball at me?” i might just delete her. and if my boss, who has mentioned to me several times that she’s on facebook, decides to friend request me, i may just have to deny that up front. although – i think a lot of people see fb as more networking/connecting, whereas myspace is more of a place where people just let it all hang out. i would definitely reject my mom and my boss if they sent myspace requests..

bythebay's avatar

As an aside to this question, although in the same situation: if I receive a friend request and press “ignore”, what does the other person see if – if anything?

jackfright's avatar

yes, as is standard i imagine. it was the main reason i use facebook over myspace, it just offered more privacy options at the time. i haven’t had a look at myspace in a long time though, so i dont know how things stand now.

that said, i just reject anyone i dont know or haven’t met in real life.
only exception being attractive women, i dont think i’ve ever turned any of those down.

jo_with_no_space's avatar

I turn down people from high school these days – normally people to whom I would now have little to say.

VzzBzz's avatar

Yes, I turn down requests from acquaintances or strangers I’ve no intention of ever engaging in real meat time. The world is a small small place now so some online friends I’ve never met in person but have built virtual bonds with, they are there as my modern day “pen pals”.

JLeslie's avatar

Yes, I turn down friend requests on facebook. If I don’t know them for sure I turn them down unless they are connected through a friend and my friend can tell me how they know them. Facebook has an exponential component to it. When you have 10 friends it might take a while to get 20. When you have 50 friends it takes almost no time to get 100.

Nothing wrong with being picky about who you friend and keeping a tight circle.

I love being in touch with high school friends through crackbook…which is ironic since I was not a high school girl at all. I am even in touch with girlfriends I had not since I was 9 years old when I moved from NY—we all remembered each other, one girl even had a first grade class picture posted that had me in it. It’s crazy.

@bythebay I think if you ignore they see nothing, but if you friend and then unfriend, they know you unfriended them.

Malcrony's avatar

I rarely deny friend requests. scratch that, I’ve never denied a friend request I just have a lot of categories one of them is Who be this (all together)

Kraigmo's avatar

When a band I am not into wants to be my friend, I deny it. Why would i want to pollute my soup of good bands with bands that I am not into?

As for human beings, I always say yes, unless its someone who has a service he or she is peddling.

Hellfrost's avatar

Nope, I see it as a chance to get to know new people. Unless it’s obvious that the person befriending me is the facebook/myspace page for a band or something else commercial. Don’t care about those.

derekfnord's avatar

Many (most) of my Facebook friends are just acquaintances. But all of them (even high school classmates) are people that I at least knew well enough to be on speaking terms with. If I get friend requests from people I truly don’t know (even if we went to school together, or once worked together, etc.), I don’t accept them.

iLove's avatar

The thing I don’t like about FB is that there are people who DIDN’T talk to me during high school who ask me to be friends with them. I do this, and after a while realize we had nothing in common.

When you delete these people who are usually common friends of other high school friends, I guess it keeps reminding them that you are a common friend of their other friends so they keep re-friending you.

It’s like taking a different route in the hallways to avoid someone, only to discover that they found your new route and you starting running into them all over again.

It’s annoying, especially since most of my high school memories were bad.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I’ve known myself to. I accept most of my friend requests on there, though.

SomeoneElse's avatar

I have about 70 friends on facebook, and they are, apart from 5, people I actually know in real life. I just ignore any request from a friend of a friend of a friend as I don’t know them. It
seems to me that people want to end up with half the population of their home town as friends. Why?
I think facebook is becoming far too powerful: in its new User Agreement is a bit about words that they have now copyrighted . . . one is ‘book’. For goodness sake that is just daft!

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