General Question

KalWest's avatar

Can you have an intimate, passionate, loving relationship without sex?

Asked by KalWest (1389 points ) April 2nd, 2009

A friend wants to know ;-)

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

Facade's avatar

Yes, you can.

EmpressPixie's avatar

Yes. Some people do.

Check out AVEN.

Edited to add: Some people do need sex for it to be a fulfilling intimate relationship, but some people do not. Everyone is different.

Dog's avatar

Yes- the most erotic and sexually passionate relationships happen and sometimes are never consummated. I have had one such relationship and it was every bit as powerful and loving as one where sex took place.

Another such relationship I know of lasted for over a decade between a widow and widower who were still devoted to the memories of their spouses.

VzzBzz's avatar

Yes you can but sexual urges don’t like to be put on the back burner for too long. Nature plays to win.

Jack79's avatar

yes you can, though I imagine that if you are passionate about someone you’d want to feel them as much as possible. And if sex never happens, then it’s conceivable that the one who can have sex, will do so, but with another partner.

Milladyret's avatar

Yes.
But I believe it has to come naturally, you can’t supress your sexuality over long periods of time without it damaging something else.

avalmez's avatar

ultimately, i think only familial relationships and relationships one or both partners is impaired. and in cases involving impairment of one partner, i’m sure you all can think of a case where the impaired grants leave to the other to seek solace elsewhere, sometimes allowing the relationship to survive.

Bluefreedom's avatar

Yes, you can. Platonic relationships can be just as deep and meaningful and loving as those relationships that involve sexual activity.

Lupin's avatar

Only if you’re over 30. Younger than that you’re fighting nature.

SuperMouse's avatar

Yes, you can. I have a very wonderful, deep, incredible, loving relationship with my man with no sex. For lots of reasons we have chosen to abstain until we get married. I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way.

@avalmez, my partner is disabled and I would never ask him to grant me leave to seek solace somewhere else. He is all I need and all I ever will need for the rest of my life. Our relationship survives because we love one another, we are dedicated to one another, we work every single day on communicating effectively and loving one another the way we each need to be loved.

VzzBzz's avatar

@Lupin: So the rest of us over 30 are dead and we don’t know it yet?

Dog's avatar

@Lupin I take it you are under 30. Obviously you think sexual desire has an expiration date. You are very very wrong * grin *

Lupin's avatar

I’m over 30 as is my better half. We consider it a very important part of the relationship. Maybe when we are older it might not be so important. When I was in my 20’s it was an integral part of my thought process.
I hope there’s no expiration date on desire.

btko's avatar

Possible: Yes.
Boring: Yes.

SuperMouse's avatar

@Lupin, speaking as one who is a decade on the other side of 30, there is no expiration date – I guarantee.

avalmez's avatar

@SuperMouse sorry but i think you misunderstood my response in terms of “impaired”.

you state you have chosen to abstain until you get married. by impaired, i meant unable to have sex which does not seem to be your situation.

in any case, i did not mean that in every case where sexual impairment prevents consummation of an otherwise intimate, passionate and loving relationship, an impaired partner SHOULD grant the other leave to seek sexual solace.

i simply really only meant to state that intimate, passionate and loving relationships that are non-familial are USUALLY (not ALWAYS) incomplete without sex – i.e., are not consummated absent a sexual component. There may be reasons why such a non-familial relationship is not consummated. But, i think absent whatever those reasons may be, the relationship would normaly be consummated.

I meant no offense to anyone either above or in my prior response. I’m a newbie here and trying to figure out the norms and morals of this site.

avalmez's avatar

and btw, those cases i know of where one partner granted the other leave were truly tragic and desperate situations. one that comes to mind immediately is of a friend who became paralyzed below the neck as the result of an accident,

his loving and long suffering wife stood by his side for more than a decade before HE divorced her, not because he did not love her, not because she asked for a divorce, but because he loved her enough to cause her to move on with her life. that’s the kind of situation i refer to, as well as others where the couple remains intact.

SuperMouse's avatar

@avalmez I wasn’t offended, just had to give my two cents, I apologize if you felt attacked. Welcome to Fluther, your thoughtful answers are a great addition to the Collective!

ubersiren's avatar

Define “sex.” My super Christian high school boyfriend and I dry humped and gave each other hand jobs all the time.

oratio's avatar

Isn’t that usually called friendship?

avalmez's avatar

SEX! From a parental view, or “safe sex” view, or let’s not get pregnant view, perhaps not the same thing or having the same potential consequences as intercourse, but SEX!

Darwin's avatar

It can often happen even in the best of marriages (or maybe because they are good marriages). One spouse becomes disabled so physical sex is no longer a possible activity, yet love and intimacy (and private jokes) remain.

I speak from experience.

VS's avatar

Yes, it is possible. Occasionally couples develop a deep comfortable bond that transcends the sexual one, and they can function just fine without the complexities that a sexual relationship brings into the mix.

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