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science_girl89's avatar

My boyfriend is ferrying another girl around, what does that mean?

Asked by science_girl89 (231 points ) May 21st, 2009

I am in a relationship with someone I genuinely adore. He is a marine and lives at a bachelor’s barracks with many other ‘single’ marines. However, one of his friends has a girlfriend (which I refer to as ‘S’) living with him in the bachelor’s barracks. My boyfriend is casually trying to help them out.

He accomplishes this by ferrying her around to and from her job at subway. As well as, loaning her his 2008 camry, his prized possession. I approached him on this subject as the friend has a car he could loan ‘S’, his response “she does not drive stickshift”. He is also accepting her calls and talking to her in front of me for fifteen minutes while we are on a date. He says it’s to help out his friend…

Just for background information ‘S’ was raised in a military family (her father is a gunny sergeant) and prior to this relationship was in another relationship with another marine and acquaintance of my boyfriend. She lived at the barracks with that marine as well. Is it possible that she is looking to settle down with a military man? Perhaps keeping her options open towards my boyfriend?

Or, is it a cultural thing… I could use a little perspective, I don’t understand military relationships. Is it possible that this is a networking position for my boyfriend’s career?

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37 Answers

Judi's avatar

Trust your gut

Tobotron's avatar

Your 21 years old right? mmm personally if I were you I would never trust this situation, maybe if they were good and old friends but nah not this example, there army boys probably not looking to settle down and be committed…find out for sure or move on.

Blondesjon's avatar

He’s wanting to hook up her and if you don’t say something now you might as well walk away. I don’t care how innocent either of them play it off to be there are definitely thoughts of fuckin’ going on.

nikipedia's avatar

Is this related to this question?

Loried2008's avatar

I’m with Judi.

Gut feeling.Go with it luv.

lillycoyote's avatar

If he’s talking to her for 15 minutes while the two of you are on a date he’s not helping out his friend, he’s helping himself.

Tobotron's avatar

@lillycoyote bang in one there! :)

SuperMouse's avatar

It is time to hit the road. He has no business taking any phone calls with this person while you are on a date.

lillycoyote's avatar

@Tobotron sometimes you gotta knock the stars right out of a young girl’s eyes. It’s cold, I know, but better she find out now.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

It all sounds very suspicious.

Have you tried talking with him about your concerns?
If you do and he just blows off what you say as inconsequential, it might be time to look for love elsewhere.

This screams of infidelity but don’t assume it is just by Fluther’s say so. We’re only 3rd party people to this situation. Personally, I think you’re getting played.

fedupwitcaddys's avatar

what role does the FRIEND play in all this?

basp's avatar

Good question,fedupwithcaddys. I was wondering that myself..

science_girl89's avatar

In response to your responses:

First off Thank you so much for weighing in on the situation!

In specific nikipedia Yes it most certainly is, the man plays games with me I think. He does so because he is insecure about the relationship which in turn pushes me away. I approach all relationships with a bit more masculinity then most girls and pretty much expect the same of the guys. I don’t know about this one though he pulls dramatic moments like a girl would to get the attention focused back on him. He tells me when he has done favors partly because he feels guilty, and partly because he wants me to be jealous so he knows I care. I think that this is how he views a relationship is supposed to work out because that’s how his mother raised him around her boyfriends and lovers. It’s all very confusing.

To fedupwitcaddys I have no clue. It seems that the friend is aware of what is going on and approves of it. I’m not sure quite why this is but I have a feeling it has something to do with not wanting to really be around ‘S’ except for sexual reasons.

The whole situation is proving to make me think about many other aspects of our relationship. No matter which way I turn it I don’t like that he does this for her. It is possible he’s playing the nice guy card… but more plausible that he secretly wants a relationship with her. Which he could have in a heartbeat provided his roommates look the other way.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Ask yourself this: In all the time you’ve known him, how often has he been this nice to anyone else? If you’ve known him for quite a while and can’t think of another time he’s been “the nice guy”, trust yourself and walk away. It’s not worth the heartache when the person you’re with doesn’t care about you.

Buttonstc's avatar

I think what you mentioned about his mother is very significant here.

The type of relationship a guy has with his mother and what she modeled for him by her behavior tells one a LOT about the guy and how he will likely relate to you. Pay attention to these clues and don’t make the mistake of brushing them off.

Big red stop sign here. Proceed with extreme caution.

skfinkel's avatar

This sounds like trouble.

justwannaknow's avatar

It means you are his EX.

May2689's avatar

The only one he should be ferrying around and talking to for fifteen minutes is YOU. Dump him!!!!

aprilsimnel's avatar

It’s almost not so much the squiring as the attempted snowjob that is the kicker. As Dan Savage might say: DTMFA!

CMaz's avatar

It means he is your boyfriend in “your” mind.

fedupwitcaddys's avatar

they on sum BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

science_girl89's avatar

Just to let you all know I weighed it all out, and decided I’m worth more and want more out of a relationship than that. So, I broke it off. If there is any chance of salvaging our friendship out of this we’ll be lucky.

justwannaknow's avatar

smart girl!

CMaz's avatar

Do not try to salvage a “friendship” you will just end up right back where you started.

chyna's avatar

@science_girl89 I’m sure it was still hard to do. Good luck.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I agree with ChazMaz. If you want to stay friends with him, you’re going to have to give it a while, otherwise it won’t be pretty.

lillycoyote's avatar

@science_girl89 Good for you, you’re absolutely right your worth more and deserve more respect than this man seems to be willing to give you. I know it’s hard but when you start believing yourself and acknowledging that you deserve better, you will get better. But don’t let it make you too suspicious and cynical, some guys really are decent and helpful and caring and you’ll be grateful and happy when you find one, I just don’t think this was the one.

May2689's avatar

Good for you!!! Yo do deserve better.

bright_eyes00's avatar

Good job! You should never settle for anything or anyone. :) good luck

aprilsimnel's avatar

@science_girl89 – Give it some time before you attempt to be friends, if that’s what you want. You may change your mind about that after a while. In any event, you want to be in a place where if he tries to sneak his way back for something less than what you’re looking for, you will be strong enough to resist his, well, blandishments. The first part of “blandishment” is bla, right? As in “bla bla bla”. As in that’s about all what he’ll say’ll be worth at this point. Blah blah blah. :/

Good luck! :D

swtsally's avatar

well good for you.

CMaz's avatar

Means he is a ferry boat captian.

canyoudnc2mabeat's avatar

Your boyriend wants to bang this chick. Stop being nieve and leave him.

sohamthe2nd's avatar

If he cheats on you, move on. Thats what I do with a girl. If she cheats on me, she’s made a choice not to be with me. And by cheating on me, she’s made it abundantly clear I’m not enough for her and not satisfying her needs. So its better for both of involved parties to separate.

But please please please for crying out loud don’t let let your judgement be clouded by paranoia and an insecure mindset. You don’t want to “confront” him and have him think you don’t trust him anymore. Thats one of the most insulting things you can do to a man.

Also, if he’s an upstanding kinda guy, i doubt he’d get it on with his best friend’s girlfriend. I mean, thats a line most men don’t cross. Friendship with a fellow mate has a very special place in a man’s heart and I doubt he’d risk it for a casual fuck. Loyalty to your mates is something I personally really value.

Anyway,ne prepared for the worst, but hope for the best. Good luck!

BBQsomeCows's avatar

It means she does not have a car and no one likes to ride the bus

boyfriends do not own girlfriends
girlfriends do not own boyfriends

DrMC's avatar

You can never prove what is in his head, or what he is thinking, or where you stand.

As other’s have stated – if its a date your on, its time set aside for you, not 15 minutes with another woman on the phone.

Regardless, wrong or right – your instincts have decided. You feel bad. You made the right decision based on that. You always know how you feel, that requires no proof. This is the secret to clarity.

There is a ton of information not shown here. Non verbal ques – his eyes, voice, etc. Communication is 15% verbal, and something got your attention. A collegue once told me “if you think someone is lying to you, you are probably right.”

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