What's the best came-too-late comeback you've ever had?

I need time to think about this one…

Well once a guy in my science class once told me “suck my dick” and I told him “sorry my mom told me not to put small objects on my mouth”
and his friends all started laughing at him. It was fun :)
and he never told me that again

“Oh yeah, Reilly? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they’re running out of you.”

A week before we married, my fiance drove up to the park to make whoopie. We parked in a secluded spot, and did so.
Afterwards, we were hugging and kissing (mind you, this is in the front seat of a Subaru), and I saw out the back hatch window that a cop car had stopped, was shining a light on us.
I rolled over, back into the drivers seat, and furiously tried to put my sweat pants back on, but somehow got both legs into one leg of the pants. The officer was at my window, knocking, and asking me to open the window.
I rolled down the window and, honest to God, the only thing I could think to say was “How fast was I going officer?”
The policeman just looked at me, and told me he would be back in 5 minutes, and I shouldn’t be here.
I wasn’t.

Okay, it wasn’t come too late. It was right on time, but I love that story.

The worst part about the came-too-late ones is that they are no longer memorable. I know they were there, and some were crackers, but again I just can’t think of them right now.

As others have done, I’ll tell you one that wasn’t too late.

My friends and I were talking about someone we all knew who was rumoured to try on women’s underclothes. One friend started talking quite passionately about how he needed our understanding and support. Thinking out loud, I said to her “It sounds like he’s getting all the support he needs.”

I’ve got a pretty quick wit, and I’ve had lots of practice, so I’ll have to think about this and come back later, because there have been a few rare times someone has left me speechless with a wicked insult.

I can’t think of anything at the moment but I am enjoying the tales others are telling.

@filmfann That was actually an ad here in Australia. I can’t remember what it was advertising, but a police officer was in a bedroom and said to the couple “do you know how fast you were going in that bed?” As you can imagine, it caused quite a stir.

That’s what she said. Lmao

I can only think of them when highly agitated and then they’re sure to be downright sexually filthy and full of potty mouth language.

@hungryhungryhortence don’t tease me.

First person says: God, you eat like a cow.
Second person says: Your face is a cow.

@evelyns_pet_zebra: this is why H3 stays out of the chatroom, uncontrollable filthy behavior bursts loose

@Tink1113 oooh nice answer!
me asking the teacher for help about a question
guy(annoyed)- that’s the easiest question!
Me- you’re easy!

@cyndihugs – Ha Lol lurve for that one!!!

Asking my girlfriend what she wants for dinner. She says “i don’t mind, im easy.” I said, “i know that, we had sex on our first date.” Spent the night on the sofa. lol

My wife is the President of her bowls club and was dressing down a nar do well and was smiling as she came over to me and said “It’s nice to be important” my great come back was :It’s important to be nice”

Okay, I’m not the one who came up with it, but…

We were rehearsing dinner theater in the restaurant. In walk two cops in body armor, one carrying an assault rifle. Turned out that someone had seen the rehearsal, thought there was a hostage situation and SWAT was lined up outside with their laser scopes all over us.

After they convinced themselves we were harmless they left. It was then that one of the actors said, “We should have said…” and then repeated a line from the play…

We didn’t order a stripper