General Question

sakura's avatar

What makes you really angry?

Asked by sakura (8215 points ) July 19th, 2009

I don’t get cross very easily I tend to bubble under the surface and then after a few days explode! What makes you angry and why? Do some things make you instantly angry or do you have to be exposed to something annoying for a long time before you get annoyed? And most importantly what do you do to clam down afterwards?

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166 Answers

sakura's avatar

My hubby gets angry when I am on my laptop fluthering all night!!

ragingloli's avatar

there is hardly anything that makes me really angry.
reading stuff on fstdt though does

Facade's avatar

On a good day, poverty in America. On a bad day, my mother asking me a question.

Achilles's avatar

People who shouldn’t have been granted a driver’s license

filmfann's avatar

I am usually quite a reasonable, quiet person. I will try to reason with someone that opposes me, rather than mix it up physically.
However, almost anything regarding my psychotic ex-boss can bring me to such anger that I think I could crush his skull.
That said, the only person I really get angry with any more is myself.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Stupidity. I know that’s a general answer, but I can’t at the moment think of anything specific that totally pisses me off. I’m sitting here in my underwear and listening to my favorite jazz station, while drinking a fresh cup of coffee and fluthering. I’m too darn happy to think about being pissed.

Achilles's avatar

@filmfann haha wow butters you went from calm and reasonable to murderous rage like that.

filmfann's avatar

My ex-boss has that effect on me

ESV's avatar

people who make fun of other peoples accent. like people that teased me at school saying “Hey Marty say thirty three”. -“thirdieee tree”.

Hey Marty, Marty say butter,....
-“Buttah”

Alleycat8782's avatar

Lying in general because there is no reason to do it.

ragingloli's avatar

@Alleycat8782
sometimes there is

SirBailey's avatar

When someone tries to screw me, especially a relative. Grrrr!

jpasq03's avatar

People insisting that they’re right, that I’m angry, and using false and nonexistent logic to argue their point. This happens while I’m not angry. Then I tell them I getting angry because of them, and they say it’s not their fault.

Grr…

OreetCocker's avatar

Idiots with no lane discipline on the motorway or highway and people who don’t know what common courtesy or manners are.

MindStudy's avatar

I’m pretty laid back and it takes quite a bit to get me upset. I have a tendency to let things build… When it gets to the point where I need release a good workout or pot usually takes care of it.

Or that other thing… Talking it out… But that’s a bit draining isn’t it?

SirBailey's avatar

Drivers on a cell phone who almost kill me.

Nially_Bob's avatar

Physical child abuse and men who hit women are the only definite triggers that occur to me. It’s been a few years (as I recall) since i’ve last felt angry but if I were to see someone committing either of the aforementioned acts I genuinely fear that I would go berserk.

Achilles's avatar

I have found however that letting out your anger is much healthier than bottling it all up because then at points you explode because your proverbial bottle may fills up. And you don’t want your anger to be misdirected. You don’t wanna put your buddy in the hospital because he ate the last M&M chocolate chip cookie without asking. You were really mad because you realized your mom loves your twin brother more than you! All hypothetically speaking of course…

EmpressPixie's avatar

Chewing noises.

Nially_Bob's avatar

@Achilles
I agree that it’s healthier to release ones emotions than to “bottle them up” but do not believe that this principle should be used to generalise people (in that it should not be assumed that someone who doesn’t get angry often is restraining their emotions) as some people simply don’t get angered by many things.

wildpotato's avatar

People hurting animals.

Nially_Bob's avatar

@EmpressPixie
Hahahaha, two flatmates I used to have were notorious for their arguments over this. One despised the sound of chewing and the other ate almost exclusively with their mouth open.

Achilles's avatar

@Nially_Bob A very good point. I didn’t mean to confuse. There is a very solid difference between bottling something up and just letting it go. I personally like the quote from Sid in Ice Age, ”...you know me, I’m too lazy to hold a grudge.” Perfect, why sit and be angry and let something bother you when you can just let it go. Not everything in life is worth getting mad about, sometimes the best solution is to just let it go. :-)

sakura's avatar

@EmpressPixie when I took my driving test the examinar sat down next to me chewing VERY noisely it put me right off!

MindStudy's avatar

Do those things really make you ANGRY or just annoy the he’ll out of you? Like the chewing noises? Annoys me and grosses me out… Ugh… like the scratching the throat thing… Annoys the fuck out of me.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Pedophiles make me instantly turn into the hulk and want to smash things. There’s not much in this world that I detest and loathe more than an adult who would do something like that to an innocent child…. my blood is starting to boil right now even…

irocktheworld's avatar

Seeing and talking to my step brother makes me mad because he’s annoying =/

Nially_Bob's avatar

@Achilles
Some wise thoughts. Welcome to Fluther my weak heeled friend :)

Judi's avatar

Bad customer service. When people are in service industries and then treat their customers like dirt I hit the ceiling!!!

AstroChuck's avatar

The religious right. But I don’t usually express it. I try and keep my anger bottled up, that way I’ll have a bottle of anger ready when friends come by and won’t leave.

EmpressPixie's avatar

@Nially_Bob: I would not have argued with your roommate about chewing. I would have punched him in the face. My reaction to chewing noises is actually beyond that which is reasonable in a human being.

SirBailey's avatar

India based Tech Support!!!

Facade's avatar

@SirBailey Sallie Mae company I use for student loans does that shit! I hate it!
“We don’t have your information here miss.” Then why the fuck was I told to call you?!?! ..sorry

cak's avatar

A lot of little things start adding up and then that’s it…Mt. Vesuvius erupts. There are things that anger me, immediately, like being cruel to children. OR, when someone is just being a jerk to be a jerk. You can tell they almost enjoy it.

SirBailey's avatar

@Facade , I wish I could choke some of them through the phone!

Alleycat8782's avatar

@ragingloli Ok then set an example, because I don’t think there is any reason to lie no matter how ugly the truth may be.

cookieman's avatar

When children are physically/emotionally abused or neglected.

I have seen it first hand in my family, when my wife worked for DSS (and later probation), when I was a Chair at a college, in China (when adopting my daughter).

Even treating children like an object or property sends me into a rage.

Twice, in China, I lost it. Almost got shot the second time.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I feel that I have a lot of justified anger at certain social injustices. I get really angry at rapists and people who injure others for being queer or transgender. I hate mob mentality and stupidity and unnecessary exaggerated gender expressions.

Achilles's avatar

@SirBailey and the whole ‘ello my nume iz roburt’ seriously? no one beleives your name is robert!

SirBailey's avatar

And in their email they give you two paragraphs of phony courtesy! No answers, just fake courtesy.

They know only one solution for anything – reinstall the operating system!

Bluefreedom's avatar

Here are several that immediately come to mind:

Bad drivers
Ignorance
Racism
Intolerance
Child abusers
Pedophiles
Insincerity
Dishonesty
Cruelty
Hypocrisy
Selfishness

Supacase's avatar

My husband doesn’t remember anything. This is a problem he readily admits acknowledges – except when we are arguing.

Then he suddenly has vivid recall of that one thing that happened days or weeks ago. He is always right and an ass about me saying any different. I know damn well he did/didn’t do/not do whatever it is we are arguing about and can usually pinpoint the time and place of the conversation or event (which is common for me and he utilizes that to his benefit often).

He refuses to accept even the possibility that he might be wrong. It frustrates me to the point of rage.

dannyc's avatar

I feel anger when I think of some incidents in my life that I could have changed, had the capacity to do so, and did not. I am angry at my actions or indecisiveness or not going for what I thought was right. It sometimes leads to regret. Then I fight off the anger to live another moment, another day, to keep the journey going, determined to do better next time. Yet I know, on some day’s anger will return. Such is the human condition.

KatawaGrey's avatar

What angers me changes from day to day. The most recent angering event happened when my boyfriend was out until 5 in the morning playing the world of warcraft tcg. What got me about this was the utter thoughtlessness. I called him about 1:30 in the morning to see if he was coming back and he just said he was drafting. I woke up 3 hours later and had a minor freak out because he still hadn’t come back. He tends to do that a fair amount which makes me so angry.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@KatawaGrey sorry he’s such a loser

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Hey now, there’s no need for that. He is not a loser, he’s just a little absentminded and gets wrapped up when he’s out with friends. We’re talking about anger here and people tend to make things sound way worse when angry.

Ansible1's avatar

When ppl are too lazy to take their shopping carts to the ‘collect’ location and leave them in the middle of parking spots

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@KatawaGrey well it’s good that you defend him – he is your boyfriend after all, but I still would want him to consider that he makes you worry and I’d be angry as well, for sure

YARNLADY's avatar

Nothing “makes” me angry. I either choose to be angry, which is a total waste of time, or I choose to try to change whatever it is that I don’t like. If I can’t change it, I ignore it.

kenmc's avatar

Deceit, hypocrisy, those that try to control others, and people that can’t laugh at themselves.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@YARNLADY wow there is not way I can just ignore certain things that I can’t change…I can’t change people getting hurt by others or change policy over night, but I will remain angry and try to do at least something…this anger, this indignation is part of how I care about others

YARNLADY's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir—Anger doesn’t work for me, it is too debilitating. Righteous indignation, motivation to act, and such are much more valuable.

Nially_Bob's avatar

@EmpressPixie Truth be told, I think the other flatmate had came close to doing so on all too many occasions. It was bizarre in many ways, he was generally a very laid back fellow.
I have read quite alot about sensory defensiveness (although relatively little research has been done on it making such quite difficult). It is an interesting, though rather cruel, condition. Have you discussed this with a professional?

YARNLADY's avatar

To calm down after being angry: take a nice warm bath or shower, eat your favorite food (in moderation, of course), take a quick jog around the block, hit the punching bag a few times, go to the mall and don’t spend any money (the best way to make yourself feel good), splash some cold water on your face – and turn on the news – for a diversion.

hug_of_war's avatar

When you go to the kitchen to have something you’ve really been wanting to eat to find someone else has already eaten it! It makes me irrationally angry, which i know is ridiculous but that’s just how it is.

skfinkel's avatar

Sloppiness, carelessness, thoughtlessness, willful ignorance, hubris, hatefulness, blindness (to oneself), lying, cheating, stealing, selfishness.
That’s a good start. Funny though, I don’t usually get angry—but these are the things that bother me the most.

Nially_Bob's avatar

@hug_of_war
You say something Hug? ‘munches the last cookie’

ragingloli's avatar

@Alleycat8782
The ever famous nazi soldier knocking at your door and asking you if you are hiding jews in your basement (which you incidentally do). Will you tell the truth (and therefore betray the people in your basement and condemn them to death and probably yourself too), or will you lie to protect them and yourself?

Alleycat8782's avatar

@ragingloli Sorry I meant a practical example, that would unlikely happen.

ragingloli's avatar

@Alleycat8782
then switch nazi soldier with heavily armed Mafia mob and jew with a guy who owes them money (and which you are hiding in your basement).

sakura's avatar

WOW thanks for all the answers guys, Ithis is my first question that has gone past just a few answers :) I never knew us flutherites had so many pent up emotions!!

Does it make you angry when people throw rubbish out of cars, especially fag butts, this happened in front of me the other day, if I had my car window open it would have landed in my face argh!!!!

Bluefreedom's avatar

@sakura. That happens far too often and yes, that makes me angry also. I just wonder if they actually enforce those signs that say “Littering on highways unlawful. $500 fine.”

Blondesjon's avatar

Bullshit.

except for mine…i’m ok with my brand

Alleycat8782's avatar

@ragingloli A serious practical example, again that is unlikely to happen.

ragingloli's avatar

@Alleycat8782
you are in a job interview, and this particular one is your last straw, you ran out of money, are behind on your rent and are living off toast, butter and salt. In short, you absolutely have to get this particular job, since this one would pay you in advance. Oh, and you are pregnant in your 3rd month.
And then the interviewer asks this question (which he isn’t allowed to ask) :
Are you planning to have children in the forseeable future?
If you say yes, you will not be hired. A company won’t hire someone who won’t be able to work efficiently.
If you say “I’m not gonna tell you”, you won’t be hired either, as your response would point towards a tendency to insubordination.
If you say no, you will be hired, and they can not fire you for lying when they find out, as the question was not allowed. (under german law, that is)

EmpressPixie's avatar

@ragingloli: Not allowed in the US either.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@ragingloli Sorry I still wouldn’t lie. Just give up on it already.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Alleycat8782: How is that not a practical example? That kind of thing happens all the time. Admittedly, at least in the US, it happens a lot less than it used to but it still happens more frequently than it should. You asked what makes us really angry and then said we had to give practical examples. If @ragingloli can’t get hired because she is pregnant, that should make her very angry.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@KatawaGrey We are talking about LYING, not being turned down to be hired because she is pregnant. I wouldn’t lie about that, I would just tell them the truth.

Judi's avatar

Actually, If you TELL the truth, then you aren’t hired, you have grounds for a discrimination suit. As an employer, I would be worried about NOT hiring someone who had been so open, especially if they were equally qualified.

Achilles's avatar

I personally thought the Nazi example seemed practical, it could have possibly been a Nazi ZOMBIE and that would totally complicate things! So then you have to ask yourself, unless you have a good shotgun handy to blow off his head, would it matter whether you lied or not because zombies are relentless, let alone NAZI zombies….

So in short, Kill the Nazi, tell the mafia the don owes you a favor, and as @Judi said: file the discrimination suit and wins millions of money to live off of and never have to work again!

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Alleycat8782: Dude, you’re being very nitpicky. You wanted a practical example of anger and @ragingloli gave you plenty of good examples and you kept saying they couldn’t happen. You’re the one who needs to give it a rest.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@KatawaGrey First of all I am not a dude, and second of all, those examples are not practical. I wouldn’t be involved with hiding people in my basement or having an interviewer asking me questions, (where @ragingloli even mentioned) that wouldn’t be even be asked for a job interview. Sorry I just don’t think those are practical reasons to lie, which is why it makes me angry when people do lie.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Alleycat8782: You’ve never been on a job interview? Well, most of the rest of the US has. You’re question was not “What do you do that would make me angry with you?” but “What makes you really angry?” Being denied a job because of pregnancy would make a lot of people angry and it has happened to a lot of people.

Also, “dude” does not necessarily denote gender. I call a lot of people “dude” whether they have male or female parts.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@KatawaGrey I have been in job interviews but not asked if I was pregnant.

EmpressPixie's avatar

@Alleycat8782: If I, a total stranger, ask you how you are today, you’re going to answer honestly, right? You would never just say “fine”, passing in the street or to a receptionist, right? I mean, you hate lying, so if things aren’t going great, you’ll tell me. Right? Your answer will be totally honest.

How are you today?

YARNLADY's avatar

@EmpressPixie I never lie, either. If a total stranger asks me how I am today, I always say Isn’t the weather nice. There’s no reason to let someone else dictate what I will and won’t say.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@EmpressPixie Its not like I have to tell you about my whole day, and yes I would honestly say Ok. I am ok today.

@Yarnlady Thank You

EmpressPixie's avatar

@YARNLADY: Honestly, I’d be way more annoyed with that than the white-lie “fine”. It would make me feel like you totally ignored what I’d said.

@alleycat: Wow, must be odd to always have an OK day. Never good. Never bad. Always mediocre.

YARNLADY's avatar

@EmpressPixie So, why would I care what a total stranger thinks?

EmpressPixie's avatar

@YARNLADY: As you well know, I think, this really includes the people that you aren’t quite comfortable telling all to, but who aren’t really strangers . Maybe your boss, a receptionist, a co-worker, a distant relative, etc. Why would you care what they think? It varies based on the person.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@EmpressPixie Just because you don’t care to share something with someone doesn’t mean you are lying to them. Now if I said I was having a great day, when I know I wasn’t I would be lying.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Alleycat8782: So if a woman doesn’t care to share whether or not she is pregnant, that wouldn’t be lying right? A total stranger, like say, an interviewer, has no reason to ask that, right?

Alleycat8782's avatar

@KatawaGrey if the interviewer asked if I was pregnant I would say if I was or not. I wouldn’t lie about it.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Alleycat8782: And you would not be angry if you lost the job because you were pregnant even though it is illegal to ask a woman if she is pregnant or planning on having kids?

YARNLADY's avatar

@KatawaGrey this point has already been covered. When an interviewer asks an illegal question, the prospective employee has a legal recourse, and winning a lawsuit could be very lucrative.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@KatawaGrey You are not making any sense, why would I be asked an illegal question in the first place?

ragingloli's avatar

@YARNLADY
only in countries where such questions are illegal.

EmpressPixie's avatar

@Alleycat8782: It is entirely common to be asked that sort of question. It’s not legal, but it happens all the time. And, you know, good luck proving it was asked or that it was the reason you didn’t get the job. It’s not like you recorded the interview.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@EmpressPixie Ok the person who talked about the interview said it was illegal. The main point is that I wouldn’t lie about it. I would tell the truth! If they asked me I was pregnant I would say if I was or not.

ragingloli's avatar

If you had to choose between A) not lying and B) averting death or injury to yourself or someone else, which would you choose? Where choosing A would result in death or injury.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@ragingloli You act like if I don’t lie I would die, um no. Telling the truth has gotten me far in life.

ragingloli's avatar

why can’t you just answer the question truthfully?

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Alleycat8782: I thought the point was about anger… Didn’t this whole thing start because you didn’t like @ragingloli‘s answer and made her change it? You’re the one who changed the rules in the middle.

Alleycat8782's avatar

The whole point of my answer about what makes me really angry is when people lie. Then @ragingloli said oh well sometimes there is a reason why people lie. Well I will never understand why people lie.

ragingloli's avatar

@Alleycat8782
And I gave you some practical examples for when lying is right thing, the moral thing to do.
Do you honestly think that you will never understand that people lie to save someone else’s or their own life?

Alleycat8782's avatar

I already explained why those examples weren’t practical and I just don’t think lying is right.

ragingloli's avatar

How likely you are to encounter them is completely irrelevant. What matter is what would you do if you encountered them and how much you would sacrifice just for not having to lie. I want to know what is more important to you. Always saying the truth or your/someone else’s life or physical wellbeing. And while we are at it, try not to picture yourself in that situation. Picture someone else in it. Would it be justifiable for someone to lie in those situations? All you have done so far is avoiding to answer it.

EmpressPixie's avatar

It makes me angry when people view morality as a strict code of right and wrong, when in reality the world is always shades of grey and they situations you find yourself in should always color your actions.

Alleycat8782's avatar

Well whatever I am done arguing. I went on fluther the other day, saw this post, “What makes you really angry?” and I answered it. That is my opinion and you have yours so lets just be done already.

EmpressPixie's avatar

What I hear you saying is that it makes you angry when people challenge your opinions and beliefs.

ragingloli's avatar

if you were really honest about your claim that lying is always wrong, you would have no problems answering “yes, saying the truth is more important than my own or someone else’s life.”

YARNLADY's avatar

@ragingloli In my opinion, basing an opinion of any ‘extreme’ hypothetical question is simply a waste of time. Nobody could possibly know how they would react. My impulse with such an extreme example is that I would have the unlikely ability to fry their brain with my mind. It’s just as likely as your examples are.

sakura's avatar

Some of this discussion should be under a question like… When is ok to lie? Rather than what makes you angry?
From reading these posts some people get rather annoyed when others don’t agree with what they are saying!!

Happy fluthering !

Alleycat8782's avatar

Well the question was What makes you really angry? Not lets take people’s opinions about what makes them really angry and challenge them.

sakura's avatar

I asked the question in the first place and I can see why some people @Alleycat8782 responded like they did to your response, You feel like there is no reason to lie and soem people feel there is… simple as!

EmpressPixie's avatar

Respectfully, if you don’t want your opinions challenged, you shouldn’t put them out there. It’s always a risk you take by talking about them.

I mean, I don’t love it when people challenge mine, but I do admit to the risk of it. And if it annoys me too much, I stop following the question so that I don’t know about it anymore.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Also, if you don’t want people to challenge your opinions, maybe you shouldn’t challenge them either. Let he is without sin cast the first stone.

sakura's avatar

So what makes you angry????

Achilles's avatar

@sakura wow… I’m impressed, this question was a real hit! High Five!

sakura's avatar

Thanks @Achilles right back atchya!!

benjaminlevi's avatar

Things that make me angry?
American politics.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Fat people jokes. I get really angry when I hear fat people jokes.

DominicX's avatar

Self-righteous people who think not lying ever makes them amazing individuals.

Gay-bashers. Get the fuck out of people’s private lives.

Hypocrisy. That is probably number one for me. I can’t think of a worse quality. And hypocrisy is everywhere. I understand that people can be unaware that they are being a hypocrite, but that doesn’t mean that it’s still not infuriating. Especially when it’s blatant and the people probably do know it. One example of hypocrisy I hate the most is when people can dish it, but can’t take it.

Arrogance. The belief that you are better than others or that your beliefs are the correct ones and should be enforced on others.

Ageism. Ageism can go to hell. If I lied about my age more often, I guarantee I would get more respect (on the internet) and that’s bullshit. My opinions are not less valid just because I’m under 18.

DominicX's avatar

Just thought of another: when people can’t handle hypothetical statements.

“But that would never happen!”. That’s not the point, damn it. It’s called hypothetical for a reason.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@DominicX: Oh my god, yes. When I say “Well, if this were to happen…” and people go “but it never would!” I want to choke a bitch.

YARNLADY's avatar

@KatawaGrey and @DominicX That give the reader just as much leeway to hypothetically say “In that case, I would have a super power and etc, etc.” Hypothetically speaking.

DominicX's avatar

@YARNLADY

Most hypothetical statements are in the realm of what is possible now, and the person making the hypothetical statement or question can set parameters for it.

As in: if your house burned down tomorrow, what would you save? We’re assuming that we’re talking realistic here and not that you’re going to turn into sort of water sprite and put it out. The point of the question is the objects saved, not the fire itself and what started it. People who avoid hypothetical questions always try to bring it towards another direction that they weren’t intended to go in.

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX And people who bring hypothetical situations into a discussion always try to make it sound like the extreme of any example will somehow make the less extreme sound silly or somehow not as true, when, in fact the exception proves the example.

DominicX's avatar

@YARNLADY

Most of what I see of the usage of hypothetical situations (besides for curiosity) are to discourage using absolute statements such as ”never tell a lie, no matter what”. An absolute statement is a bold statement and people should be prepared to defend them since they are, after all, supposedly absolute.

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX And yet, to apparently advocate make a risk assessment each and every time is just as big a fallacy. There has to be an “absolute” that can be violated in an extreme case, to avoid the “This time is Ok, and That time is OK and Well, everybody does it is OK, and Every little excuse to make it sound OK. In the realistic, everyday use, there is no OK, plain and simple.

DominicX's avatar

@YARNLADY

Then it’s not absolute if it has an exception. Absolutes don’t have exceptions. That’s why they’re “absolute”. A generalization to go by is fine, but realistically, many people do assess things on a case-by-case basis.

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX I have stated that I do not lie. That is an absolute. If I was ever confronted with an extreme exception to my daily life, I would have to make a risk assessment based on that exception. In the normal, day to day activity, I will not lie. No need to wonder or “assess”. The hypothetical people you claim do assess on a case-by-case can not be trusted.

Nially_Bob's avatar

Shouldn’t you folks be enjoying golden slumbers about now?

DominicX's avatar

@Nially_Bob

Perhaps. I’m going away for 10 days starting tomorrow, so I’m excited about it and am not tired.

@YARNLADY

Of course if something happens enough you want to say that it is absolute. Repetition, patterns, it seems like it will never change. Doesn’t mean that it will never change. But perhaps it never will.

But you never know. And that is why I avoid using most absolute statements; if they work for you, go ahead. I happen to think there is nothing wrong with looking at things on a case-by-case basis. Much of life is subjective and it fits will with that. It has nothing to do with being trusted. If you know how certain cases will work out, there are patterns you can form and people can go through life fine doing it that way.

As for lying, I have a completely different idea about the functions of and “wrongness” of lying, but that is a different story. Perhaps this topic strikes me more because it is an issue of morality and claiming that something is always wrong and I don’t necessarily agree with other people’s perceptions of morality and what they view as being always wrong.

Nially_Bob's avatar

@DominicX Bloody hell, weren’t you in another town no more than a week ago? Atleast catch your breath first Dominic :)

DominicX's avatar

@Nially_Bob

lol…hey, a week is time to catch my breath. I gotta squeeze all my traveling in right now before I go off to college. Things are going to be so much different after that. Don’t worry, after this, that’s it (except for maybe a weekend trip with my family or my boyfriend or something; I get off on traveling). I’m chillaxin’ until mid-September when I go to Stanford for good. :)

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX Fine, what works for you is what you will do. I now know you cannot be trusted.

DominicX's avatar

@YARNLADY

It’s not like a gave a crap whether you trusted me or not. Those who know me know that I can be trusted.

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX But only if you decide to be truthful, if not, too bad. You have already made it perfectly clear that you will choose whether to be truthful when you choose to be, and not any other time. That is an admission that you cannot be trusted, no matter what your friends might think of you.

DominicX's avatar

@YARNLADY

My life has been beyond satisfactory so far. I have things to show for it. The way I live my life works for me. Hence why I do it. Doesn’t mean I don’t learn things and change things every now and then, but some of the things that have been the same for a while have worked and so they continue to be used. What works sticks around. What doesn’t work gets tossed away. And I can be trusted. Trust is a reliance on the reappearance of my character that people have come to know in me, which reappears sure as hell. People who know me know that I can be counted on and know that I am a good friend who will not screw them over or cheat them or hurt them because that is not who I am as a person. They can trust me.

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX Do you still fail to see that a person who chooses to be truthful on a case by case basis still cannot be trusted? It is only a person who has a policy like mine to “always” be truthful that can always be trusted.

DominicX's avatar

Do you still fail to see that trust isn’t about telling the truth for every single little unimportant thing because of OCD? Trust is about more general aspects of a person’s character. I am speaking of “trust” in general, not specific trust that a person will perform a specific action. Read the definition of the word “trust”. You will be disappointed.

And I’m getting a little tired of your self-righteous attitude.

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX one of the drawbacks of debating with a child is the retreat to name calling. I see nothing in this definition to disappoint. What specifically were you thinking of?

DominicX's avatar

@YARNLADY

You are being self-righteous. It’s not name-calling, it is a fact. This is the definition of trust that I use: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. And now I see we are yanking on my age. I may have no reason to continue this. I do not speak to ageist people.

What does that have to do with telling the truth about absolutely everything all the time? It doesn’t. You can trust a person to tell the truth about every single thing all the time. Obviously, people can trust you to do that; they cannot trust me to do that. But they can trust me in general. They can trust me not to screw them over, they can trust me to be fair to them, they can trust me to not hurt them, etc. Can people rely on me to do/not do those things? Yes. I can be trusted. Another example, I can be trusted with a secret; I don’t give away people’s secrets. Trust is multi-faceted. You seem to think the definition of trust is “the reliance on a person to tell the truth about everything all the time”. Nowhere in the list of definitions does it say that. You are attempting to bash my character; it’s not going to work. I can be trusted and people trust me. My boyfriend trusts me. I don’t think he would be with me if he couldn’t trust me.

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX if the shoe fits “intolerant of the opinions and behavior of others.” A liar is a liar, and there is no way to tell which we are hearing.

ragingloli's avatar

What i know is that yarnlady can not be trusted.
When it really came down to it in such a rare situation where lying would be my only chance of survival and she would be the one to make the choice, I could not trust her to make the right choice.
Besides, you are being dishonest about your absolute statement that you never lie because of your incessant refusal to answer the hypothetical question, which by your standards makes you just as untrustworthy as every other human on the planet.

And to be quite frank, I would trust Dominic more than I could ever trust you.

As House said: “Everybody lies.” This is true for you too.

Nially_Bob's avatar

With due respect my friends, neither of you know one another in reality so I fail to understand how the trust of either party could be accurately gauged. How trustworthy a person is is not decided by words but actions, @YARNLADY, you may claim to always speak truth but how am I to know this is truth unless I have witnessed it and even if I were to could such a trait create a reputation counter-productive to what you intended based upon your actions (if you told another a secret I confided in based upon your principle of ‘never lying’ I would not deem you trustworthy as you have proven yourself to not be worthy of such through your actions). @DominicX, you have admitted to lying dependant upon circumstances and this may prove you to be untrustworthy through these lies but it would also depend upon how the person gauging such perceived the lie in question. That is, they may see it as being justified despite its deceptive nature, equally so they may not. Incidentally allow a fellow adolescent to inform you that you are acting unreasonable my friend, whether or not stating that Yarnlady is being ‘self righteous’ is true it was unnecessary and contributed nothing beneficial to the discussion.
Stanford? Well la de da Mr. Einstein ;) I’d enjoy your little holidays while they last because when you enter university, life becomes one big holiday (with a whole lotta work thrown in on the side)

DominicX's avatar

@Nially_Bob

Everyone I know lies every now and then. I never knew it was so uncommon. Guess it’s not here in San Francisco, so I’m used to it. For example, my brother saw me on this site. I don’t want him on this site, so I lied about what I was doing to prevent him from becoming more curious and asking a bunch of questions. He forgot about it; he dropped the issue. It’s over. I don’t understand why that makes me untrustworthy. My brother does not know I lied to him, but my brother’s lied to me before, it’s not that big of a deal. Like I said, I never knew that it was so uncommon to lie.

I can remember my friend lying about using marijuana. I don’t care if she smokes or not; she thought it would make me think less of her, but it wouldn’t. Her smoking had nothing to do with me and so her lie didn’t really affect me. It just so happened that I found out she was lying. She is a good friend and I do trust her. I don’t care if she doesn’t want to tell me everything about what drugs she uses or her private life. That’s up to her.

My friend’s boyfriend I could not trust. He lied about too many things and he was caught in the lies. One person called him a pathological liar because of the weird things he would lie about. We’re not talking about lying like that, just incidental lying that may never end up being found out if innocuous enough.

And calling someone who’s being self-righteous self-righteous helps me not be so frustrated. I got called untrustworthy which is a load of crap, but if she wants to call me that, fine.

And believe me, I am excited for the university life. I’m hoping that it will cause me to spend much less time on the internet.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@DominicX The reason I think the way I do is because the guy I loved lied to me many times about the dumbest things and it was really hard for me to trust him. I just wish he would have been honest to me about those things because I would have accepted him no matter what. That is why I just don’t understand why people lie.

DominicX's avatar

@Alleycat8782

The things I lie about: to my brother about using this site, the amount of cookies I ate, etc. Useless, unimportant, trivial things. No one will ever realize that I was lying. I am rarely caught in a lie; I cannot think of the last time I was caught lying.

I mentioned that my friend had a boyfriend who lied all the time. They are no longer going out (albeit for different reasons) but he would make up stories about what he did with his girlfriend and there was no reason for him to do that. It wasn’t about sparing someone’s feelings or avoiding danger or trouble, it was just pointless. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who lied to me frequently either. Most of the type of lies I am talking about are not about important enough things for them to ever be found out.

Nially_Bob's avatar

@DominicX I understand that. My point was that Yarnlady and yourself were throwing around the idea of being trustworthy quite alot and I perceived the entire idea of regarding relative strangers as untrustworthy based on what they claim as completely irrational because it seems to me that trustworthiness is primarily gauged by a persons actions, not their words. I could scream at the top of my lungs that i’ll lie about everything until my dying breath but if I then didn’t do so I could still be trustworthy by the conventional standards of western society.

DominicX's avatar

@Nially_Bob

Well, my main point was that being trustworthy is not about telling the truth all the time about everything; that isn’t the definition of the word. It’s about reliance on a person’s character. In that case, you have to define what that character is for yourself. Someone who is trustworthy is reliable and dependable. It doesn’t say anything about telling the truth all the time about everything.

Alleycat8782's avatar

@DominicX Yeah I understand where you are coming from. My ex lied about things that I would have eventually found out about anyways, so I didn’t know why he couldn’t tell me the truth in the first place. Just kind of like your friend who smoked marijuana, you would have accepted her either way. I just believe if my ex would have been up front about the things he lied about in the first place I would have accepted him. Just an FYI we didn’t split up for only this reason.

Nially_Bob's avatar

@DominicX I would tend to agree so long as what you describe is exercised within reason.

YARNLADY's avatar

@DominicX You admit you can only be trusted part of the time, on a case by case basis, and yet you say you are trustworthy. That is just plain hypocritical.

Nially_Bob's avatar

@YARNLADY The trustworthiness of a person is not solely dictated by claims of how consistently they speak truthfully. There are other elements to be considered.

Nially_Bob's avatar

Great question by the way @sakura. Many intriguing and thought provoking ideas have been presented here for which I am thankful.

YARNLADY's avatar

@Nially_Bob Agreed, there are many other factors, but a person who admits lying has already shown he cannot be trusted. How would anybody ever know if “this” time was the lie? It just doesn’t hold water. I don’t get angry (the subject of this question), but I just don’t trust liars.

ragingloli's avatar

“but a person who admits lying has already shown he cannot be trusted.”
a person who doesn’t admit lying is less trust worthy.

Judi's avatar

I get a tad angry when I get called back via activity to a page to see an argument or private conversation that is better suited to a chat room than a fluther page. especially when it’s off topic.

YARNLADY's avatar

@ragingloli Granted, and a person who does not lie can always be trusted to tell the truth.

DominicX's avatar

@YARNLADY

Most people lie. You may never know they do, but they do. Therefore, you don’t trust most people. Cool. Throw yourself a party. You are not my friends, you are not my family, you are not the people who trust me.

ragingloli's avatar

@YARNLADY
there are no people that never lie. there are only people who claim that they never lie. those are the least trustworthy people.
You say you never lie. How do I know that that is not a lie itself? In fact, it is highly likely that it indeed IS a lie.

YARNLADY's avatar

@ragingloli Without being a mindreader, you cannot be sure that your statement is accurate. I can tell you for a fact that there are some people who do not, plain and simple.

Noel_S_Leitmotiv's avatar

People that :

use airquotes

hold the microphone on their wired handsfree up to their mouths

think their children are so cute that the rules of good public manners dont apply to them

say ‘expresso’

wear their bluetooth earpieces when not in use

flip their neckties over their shoulders when eating

dont know how to tip

say ‘proactive’

say ‘surreal’ when they mean ‘unreal’ or ‘hyperreal’

use any AXE product

Ansible1's avatar

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv what’s wrong with axe?

DominicX's avatar

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv

What the hell is “hyperreal”? I looked it up and it’s not a word.

sakura's avatar

@Noel_SLeitmotiv Thanks for getting the question back on track!!

Another thing that makes me feel a little bit angry (can you feel a little bit angry?) is when Fluther doesn’t recognise I am @ ing someone on the thread and I have to type their name out!! It’s always the long ones!! ; )

Noel_S_Leitmotiv's avatar

Smug Philistines that think that saving money for its own sake is the greatest of virtues.

Achilles's avatar

goodness this got extremely off track. You ladies are silly, probably cute too ;-)

Brenna_o's avatar

This incident has only happen once but it really pissed me off lol…
So me and my bf at the time were havin some fun and it was getting REALLY good and we had both finished and wanted to keep going, bu were tired… So we agreed to take a quick brake and we both just layed there in eachothers arms for like 3 quick min… He went to go again and out of nowhere he was limp and done for a few hrs…
Not the kind of thing that makes you very happy when your in a position like that… Lol…(sorry if you thought that was too graphic, but its the best i could think of)

Response moderated (Personal Attack)

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