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amoreno06's avatar

How do I break the news to my dad that i'm moving out?

Asked by amoreno06 (352 points ) July 27th, 2009

i already told my mom, my brother and sister, but i have no idea how to approach my dad about it.
We don’t talk much.
I don’t see him much.
If i do see him, I’ll usually just say hi and that’s it.
Any advice?

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27 Answers

Tink's avatar

If you guys don’t talk much, it shouldn’t be hard.

Likeradar's avatar

How did you tell your other family members?
Does your family live in the same house? If so, I assume he already knows but you should tell him anyway.

cak's avatar

You tell him in a straightforward manner. Parents generally like the direct approach, at least I do!

How did the rest of your family handle the news? Is there a reason to suspect that this won’t go well? I almost feel like we’re missing part of the story.

Milladyret's avatar

Show him where you’re moving, and show him that this is something you’re looking forward to, to make it a positive occation.
And if you feel comfortable with it, ask him if he’d like to help you move, to make him a part of the situation.

Good luck!

Darwin's avatar

Show him the apartment, show him all the plans you have made to be safe there, and thus show him you are approaching this move with a level head, a mature approach, and a plan.

If everyone else knows, what makes you think he doesn’t? He may just be waiting for you to confirm it.

cwilbur's avatar

Why do you think he needs a special approach? Do you expect him to react badly?

Lupin's avatar

Make sure to stress that you are finally ready to be responsible for your own actions. You won’t be expecting family member to pay your rent, utility bills, phone charges, car insurance, medical bills, etc.
You are willing to do that, aren’t you?

Facade's avatar

Also remember that if he can’t accept the fact that you are moving out on your own, it’s his problem, not yours.

Lovelocke's avatar

Do it with a smile on your face… you’re excited about it, he should be as well! You’ll find that body language, tone of voice and so on do a lot to people and how they receive/perceive news… if you approach him with a solemn tone, you’ll make him feel like you’re running away or leaving because “you have to”: He’ll feel sorry for something he may not know of.

If he’s the type of guy I think he is, he’ll probably keep it real short and to the point. Once he’s heard all the needs to, he’ll want to leave the room probably… he doesn’t wanna show any form of “soft” side to you or anyone if he can manage it, he’ll see it like a sign of weakness and he knows that he has to maintain the tough man facade.

Also, don’t tell him that you approached him last… that’ll make him feel less important to you.

Lupin's avatar

I’m sure he can accept the fact that you are moving out if you accept the fact that you will be responsible for your own choices and problems. You can’t have it both ways.
Welcome to adulthood!

babygalll's avatar

“Dad, I’m moving out.”

amoreno06's avatar

Yes, we all live together.
No, i’m sure he doesn’t know yet.
He has this thing about how we tell him about things after we do them. Like, we never ask him, we tell him.
The others, I just said “so…i’m moving out. I already signed the lease”
My mom tried thinking of ways i could get out of it and my brother just said i’ll help you move back home but i won’t help you move out.
They don’t think I can make it,
But I am willing to pay for everything (my half anyways) by myself without their help.

Jeruba's avatar

Put it in positive terms instead of negative terms.

— What you are going to, not going from:
“After Friday I’m going to be living over on <street>,” and not “I’m moving out.”

— What you are doing, not what you aren’t doing:
“I’m going to be on my own now,” and not “I won’t be living here any more.”

Lovelocke's avatar

How old are ya, I wonder? If under 25, there’s still plenty of time to f—k up and go back home… remember, no matter where you are you’re never alone: You always have a place you can come home to, unless you’re a d!ck to folks on the way out… they tend to remember things like that.

cak's avatar

@amoreno06 – You mean he doesn’t like that you guys don’t include him in on the discussions. That would be something that would upset me – if that is the case.

Talk to him, include him in your new life. Let him know that if you didn’t decide to go ahead and do it, you might have changed your mind or something to let him know that you really made the decision on your own.

Does your family think that you haven’t planned for this move? Have you figured everything out – the expenses? You are sure your roommate will be committed to their half? It really stinks having someone bail on you…then you get to pay all the expense!

amoreno06's avatar

@Lovelocke Yea, I’ve been trying to include them on as much as i can. they’re not supportive, they keep saying i won’t make it.
my mom doesn’t know I’ll be living with my boyfriend which is why she doesn’t think i’ll make it alone.
she doesn’t know i won’t be alone.
I’m not going to go out with a eff you attitude. i do want to be able to come back home if anything happens.
@cak I’m sure he will pay. his financial aid will cover most of it including expenses. He doesn’t really need me as a roommate to pay. He’d be able to afford it on his own. He’d just rather not take out so many loans.

amoreno06's avatar

@Jeruba that is **exactly* what needs to be said
I’m just very blunt at saying things sometimes. I don’t mean to be rude to anyone. It’s just how it comes out when i say it.

cak's avatar

@amoreno06 – Oh. Um, when do you plan on telling your mom you will be living with your boyfriend? Please understand I’m not trying to be rude. The thing is, if you are responsible enough to move out, you should be able to tell the full details of the living situation. By not telling, you just might create that environment that you don’t want to create – one which you might not find a complete open door at home, if you should ever need it.

galileogirl's avatar

Dad, can you give me a hand with this mattress?

Judi's avatar

When my last child moved out, I cried. Until my husband came running around the corner bare butt naked jumping up and down yelling “woo hoo, woo hoo!!!
Just tell him. It won’t be so bad.

Tink's avatar

@Judi Seriously??

Judi's avatar

Seriously!

Judi's avatar

AFTER HE LEFT of course.

Tink's avatar

Haha dang!

Milladyret's avatar

@Judi Lurve for the jumping and woo hoo’ing!

brainchild's avatar

Hi there, I know exactly what you’re going through. I don’t exactly live with my parents but with family. I am moving out soon and although I am not going to be living with my boyfriend I am finiding it extremely difficult to break the news to a certain individual. I don’t talk much to him and I am afraid that he’ll think I am arrogant when I tell him that I am moving out. It’s the same problem what you have with your father. He thinks that I tell him and not ask him about stuff. I have my mum’s support but I obviously don’t want to move with a terrible attitude especially since I live with him and his family.
I don’t know how this may help you, but I don’t intend to tell him till the time everything is finalised i.e. the bags are packed. I will tell him perhaps a day or two prior to me actually moving. And again I will ask my mom to intervene so that she can do some damage control. Well that’s my plan, anyways. I hope every thing goes well for you. Good luck!

poisonedantidote's avatar

I would just tell him that you have decided to go it alone and that you are moving out.

however, this is not why i am answering this. what i actually wanted to say is to make peace with your father. get to know him. you never know when your parents will be gone for good. you probably have more in common than you think.

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