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alive's avatar

Once you go pretentious, can you ever go back?

Asked by alive (2928 points ) August 3rd, 2009

I’m from a poor state, and I moved to a rich state (for college).

Now I have graduated and come back home. My tastes have changed over the past four years, but now that I am home, I often feel like a pretentious ass hole.

How can I stop feeling like such a jerk, and relate to my own culture again?

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15 Answers

DominicX's avatar

If you’re not pretending to be something you’re not, then you’re not being pretentious. Just because your tastes and mannerisms have changed, doesn’t mean you’re being “pretentious”. If other people see it that way, that’s their problem.

eponymoushipster's avatar

this question is so beneath me, i’m not even going to answer it.~

Facade's avatar

I don’t see why you feel the need to “relate to your own culture.” If your tastes have changed, just go with it.

Jeruba's avatar

@alive, DominicX is right about the meaning of the word. Do you mean you feel like a snob, looking down on your former way of life? Are people making remarks to you about it? You probably can’t change back. That’s part of what college is supposed to do for you: change the way you see the world, which is a bigger place than it used to be.

But as long as you still show respect for your old way of life and the people who are still in it, that’s all you have to do. People who assume you think you’re too good for them now are the ones with the problem.

PerryDolia's avatar

Are you worried that you ARE being pretentious, or that you might be PERCEIVED as being pretentious?

If your ARE, stop that. You can’t help being a more complete person after seeing more of the world, but there is no need to lord it over others.

If you are worried about being PERCEIVED as pretentious, you can’t control what others think.

Just be yourself.

aprilsimnel's avatar

You aren’t responsible for how people react your changes if you aren’t being rude and condescending to them. Sometimes when someone leaves home and comes back different, and all but the most shut-off person is going change when they go out into the wider world, others back home may feel threatened and say things, especially if deep down they have that nagging feeling that they should be taking steps to grow in their own lives and they aren’t.

Again, if you’re being respectful of those around you, you aren’t responsible for their insecurities. Don’t let it get you down. Keep learning, changing and growing. That’s what we’re all supposed to do, regardless of social or economic standing.

alive's avatar

*small clarification: i don’t think people think i am being rude, the problem from me is having a hard time relating to people, mostly my family (i come from a small-town hispanic ranchero family). it like we have nothing to talk about…

Facade's avatar

I think that’s just part of growing up. But I could be wrong. I’m still growing

aprilsimnel's avatar

@alive – Yeah, that’s going to happen. I’ve been there myself. Just do your best to meet people halfway and that’s all you can do.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Why are you a jerk because college changed you? I don’t get that part.

samanthabarnum's avatar

Why would you want to go back? If your tastes and interests have changed, and you enjoy it solely for you and no one else, why change? If your peers are now feeling beneath you, or that you’re pretending, show them why you like the new things, why you feel they’re better. You may not get them to side with you, but you can get then to realize that you’re not bullshitting.

augustlan's avatar

My husband was born and raised in West Virginia, by conservative people with strong accents and limited education. He was the first in his family to go to college, and it did forever change him. It took a while for him to feel comfortable with his family again, what with all the philosophy and liberal ideals he came back with. I think to some extent, we all experience this rift, college educated or not. It’s a part of growing up and growing away from our parents. Like my husband, most of us reach a middle ground at some point, and just enjoy people for who they are. Enjoy the relationships for what they are. Long story short… it’ll probably work itself out eventually. Until then, just love them. :)

La_chica_gomela's avatar

You can’t go back, but you can re-adapt. I feel like I move back and forth between those worlds a lot. My mom and dad kind of come from different worlds, and a lot of the time I feel like I have nothing to talk about with my dad, too. Just try to appreciate your family and that culture for what it is, even though you may prefer a different type of music, or you may usually eat a different kind of food, etc etc.

With time, you’ll settle into where you need to be.

cwilbur's avatar

Your tastes have changed. What was your culture is not your culture any more.

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