Minorities (ethnically, gendered, religious, whatever): How do you deal with the hate?

I’m Hispanic (not so much a minority where I live) but I still come across some hateful remarks every now and then. Stuff like “Go back to your Country” or “Beaner”. As if this wasn’t my country. I have a problem with this because even though I am a US citizen and so are my parents, at some point in my family history somebody immigrated to this country from Mexico and they were not criminals or low lives. They were hard working people and nobody has the right to look down on me or anybody in family just because we came to this country in search of a better life.

What pisses me off the most is that the US was built by people who immigrated here from another country. That’s why this country is so multicultured and diverse. I personally believe that people who look down on illegal immigrants are inhumane and heartless. If they would only live the life of an immigrant for one day they would understand why they resort to going to a country that doesn’t want them. Only then would they know what a hard life most of them have had.

I tend to get agitated and leave the situation as soon as possible. It may or may not be the best thing to do, but it’s easier than bursting into tears, which has happened.

@kheredia: I couldn’t agree more! The real irony with people who have a problem with Mexican-Americans, is that they typically have no idea that a lot of the so-called “Mexicans” who live in the Southwest (but especially Texas) come from families who NEVER immigrated to the US. They’ve been living in Texas since it was part of Mexico. If anyone has any claim to tell anyone to “go home”, it’s certainly not those ignorant racists. (Not that that the immigrants don’t have just as much right to be here as anyone.)

Been there. You just have to be confident with who you are and be prepared for anything. If you think about it – everyone’s a minority in one way or another. But for me, I was a Christian in a Muslim part of the world, and I was prepared to die. Either way, if you are kind and treat people with dignity and respect, you are most likely treated the same way. For the nuts who don’t care and will hate you no matter what – I just say to be prepared just in case.

I have encountered racism my whole life. I am Malato (mixed black and white), I am not Mexican. I have been told stuff like what @kheredia said, by people who just looked at me, and thought, thought wrong. And I have been called names that I do not like saying. All throughout middle and high school, I was told that I am to white to take offense, or to black to take offense. It took me a long time to just ignore it.

I get over it, because everyone is hated by someone. I don’t see why people get wrapped up enough in the senseless ideas of other people to even be offended by them.

@NowWhat Very good answer!

People that hate are very unhappy people. They lack harmony in their lives, so they find it easier to blame their problems on Somebody Else. It’s petty, and vile. Just be grateful that you are not one of these people.

I always feel saddened to see the abuse of the beautiful symbol that the swastika is.

My sexual orientation has brought me face to face with many forms of prejudice, much more so than my ethnicity has. The thing I’ve learned throughout the years is that for every bigot you stand up to, there are ten more waiting to cross your path, and the most valid argument in the world won’t change their mind. Learning to choose my battles was one of the toughest lessons I’ve had to learn, but it helped me not to be emotionally defeated by every close-minded person I came across. Now I redirect my anger through hours of campaigning for equal rights– knowing that I will make a huge impact instead of pounding fists against a brick wall helps me get through the hate.

If I feel that I am in no danger and I am not in a large crowd,
I try to have a teachable moment. Or if someone personally attacks me (verbally) I have no problem calling people out on their hatred.

Ignoring it changes nothing, but trying to fight every battle is fruitless as well, and it could do more harm to you than the ignorant are worth.

As the only minority left (straight white male) I usually just ignore it.

Not worry about it. Plus I haven’t really experienced much of it (I’m an Atheist).

@all who are saying to ignore such things, to be the bigger person or whatever: not too interested in that. You wear a swastika nowadays, you deserve to get the shit kicked out of you.

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv Are there people out there who want to kill you for being white, male, and straight? No? Oh I see, you must be referring to equal opportunity employment laws. Wow, that does make me feel bad for you, you poor white man who can’t get a job. And thanks for setting me straight about being a minority myself; I was worried about the fact that my people have been persecuted as minorities for thousands of years. I guess I have nothing to worry about.’

But seriously, why on earth are you spewing this garbage in my thread? You can’t honestly expect people to sympathize with you, so I’m guessing that your purpose is to antagonize. Did I piss you off or something in a previous thread? Or are you just a random jackass?

Since everyone is a minority now the designation is meaningless.

Your reply didn’t kill me or prevent my getting a job but it was persecution nonetheless.

Yes darlin’, being reviled for not being considered a ‘minority’ by some is one of the crosses I (usually quetly) bear.

I am Jewish and my husband is Mexican

I have never encountered hate directly that made me afraid for my life. That would be hard for me to deal with. The closest I came was when I was in college some people drew swastika’s on dorm room doors, but not on mine. That is scary. Or, people who hate homosexuals and want to beat them up. To be afraid for your life is a whole different level than what I am going to write below.

I have had people say stupid ignorant things to me. In Michigan, I attended school there at Michigan State University (MSU), more than one person used the phrase “jew it down” instead of bargain. What did I do? I pointed out to them that it was an offensive term. A couple of them said they didn’t realize. Might be true? When I was there I once said to somebody that there aren’t any Chanukah decorations up at Christmas time, and the person said back to me, “why are you from Canada?” None of my Michigan examples in any way represents the majority, I found most people to be wonderful, and not holding any prejudice, or hate.

Also at MSU, one time I walked towards an elevator in a dorm, and said hello to people who were sitting in the area of the elevator. The girl turned to the guy and said, “people here are so much nicer, at Michigan they are all a bunch of Jews.” I turned to her and said, “be careful, I am Jewish.” The girl was horrified by the look on her face. I told her, “don’t worry, I’m just letting you know so maybe you will think about what you say and how you generalize in the future.”

And, my husband and I have overheard people say here in TN that they are, “gonna get me a Mexican,” when they need some work done.

I usually let people know, before they even get to the point of saying something too stupid. In parts of the country where they have little clue I am Jewish, or that my husband is Mexican, they might start down a trail of saying something dumb, and I actually save them before they get to it. They know, believe me they know, that they were about to say something really stupid. They usually say something like, “uh, well, I didn’t mean anything…the Mexican’s are hard workers…your husband is Mexican?” Lol. Their bit of discomfort does bring me some pleasure.

Mostly, I don’t think people are hateful, I think they are ignorant. If they think I have horns, I would tell them I don’t. I had people who were surprised I had blue eyes and fair hair. I also think people throw around words behind closed doors, that should not be used in public, but it does not necessarily mean they are prejudiced or hateful, so for the most part I do not let this type of talk ruffle me.

Night and day.
Up and down.
War and peace.
Them and us.

You deal with hate the best by dealing with yourself.

@JLeslie We even have some Chanukah decorations up at Christmas time here in South Mississippi, and we’re at the heart of the Bible Belt! That is strange that there are no decorations up there for your religion.

I’m a Black, Christian woman. Haven’t faced much “hate” (besides people on here saying things about Christians). I can’t really say how I’d react if put in certain situations because it would all depend on my mood at the time. I might do anything ranging from ignoring them while simultaneously praying to God to wanting to rip their head off.

@Facade You bring up a good point…. I have experienced more hate here on Fluther than in the rest of my life combined.

@wildpotato said to me, sarcastically I assume:

“Wow, that does make me feel bad for you, you poor white man who can’t get a job”

I challenge anyone to explain to us how being the only group that isnt a minority doesn’t make one a minority.

No, i’m not looking for sympathy, though i’m not looking for sarcasm either

“Are there people out there who want to kill you for being white, male, and straight?”
Yes

And, American. Did we forget the Middle East?

GA @ChazMaz

@BBSDTfamily It didn’t really matter to me if there were Chanukah decorations, I didn’t feel they purposely left us out, I just found the girls reaction funny. I guess she thought Chanukah was a Canadian holiday. At MSU at the time we didn’t start school until late September. Class registration many times fell on Yum Kippur (you are supposed to fast, atone for your sins, go to temple to pray for the dead, and not touch money, many who do not do anything else in the name of their religion/Judaism celebrate Yum Kippur), that school really did not think about Jewish holiday’s at all at the time (this is 20 years ago), but there were not many Jews there. But, to your point I would guess South MS doesn’t have too many Jewish people either. But maybe 20 years ago where you live they didn’t bother with Chanukah decorations either? Chanukah has had more publicity in the last 10 years, cartoons on TV, movies, songs, and more.

I love christmas lights, christmas songs, all the holiday stuff. I don’t really feel offended in anyway if chanukah isnt represented, especially if there is a very small population of us in the area. To me it seems like if there is 4 Jews people think there are 100, it is a weird phenomenon to me. We are only 2% of the US population and less than a quarter of a percent of the world, but I think people view us as having a large population? Maybe I am wrong.

I ignore people like that now after years of taking it personally. And where I was from, white people didn’t like black people and vice versa. It’s still one of the most segregated places in the US. There were hardly any other types of people in my town during the time I grew up there. When I was little, I had black people and white people calling me names. There were those who made fun of me because I was quite obviously poor. When you’re a child or a teen, you have to have an enormously powerful sense of self to weather such things.

But I eventually learned that how other people perceive me has nothing to do with me; it all comes from inside them. Now, if someone touches or otherwise tries to attack me, then it’s on, enough said. But other than that sort of extreme, I go on with my bad self.

“Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism – he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: ‘I don’t believe in Beatles – I just believe in me.’ A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus – I’d still have to bum rides off of people.”

History tells us that we may expect a recrudescence of violent anti-Semitism every 60–70 years. Well, the last cycle was forced to an end in 1945, so it’s about that time.

The present race-based incivility surrounding the presidency is not reassuring, and today, on the eve of the Jewish New Year, Ahmadenijad announced once again that the Holocaust (the Shoah) is a lie, and that Jews are the enemy.

I am for that reason a powerful supporter of 2nd Amendment rights, and I keep and bear arms. The last generation of Jews went quietly to their deaths. I aim to take some sunovabitches with me.

@pdworkin I actually worry more about an uprising in parts of Europe against the Moslems. I too, even though I am typically very liberal, agree with the fundamental right to bear arms, I agree with the fairly recent Supreme court ruling. I think the founders of the country understood that sometimes you have to rise up against your own government and protect yourself with force, if force is used against you. Gun control at the same time is a worry of mine. I feel much less safe in Memphis where everyone seems to own a gun, then when I lived in Florida where probably very few did. I am very conflicted on the subject.

“then when I lived in Florida where probably very few did.”

How long ago was that? Today, we all/most carry. You just might not know it.
And, I for one have no worries. That great equalizer.
I pity the fool that tries any funny business in my neighborhood. :-)

@ChazMaz That is why I said “probably” because I realize I can’t know for sure. I was in south east FL, which I think is very different than Northern FL, not sure where you are? What I do know is that no one really talked about “carrying” when I lived there or MD. Here, in the Memphis area, it is common knowledge. My husband’s company has within it’s handbook documents when you become an employee that “you cannot bring your weapon onto company property.” I am pretty sure that where I used to live it would say, “no weapons are aloud on company property.” The wording is shocking to us.

I agree, it is the great equalizer. As a woman I have almost no chance against a man, he will be most likely faster and stronger.

@ChazMaz The Middle East doesn’t want to persecute you for being white, male, straight, or American. I think you should refine your accusation—I think your generalization was rather ignorant, especially considering the topic here…

“I think your generalization was rather ignorant,”

That is your perception of it….

And that is what IT really comes down to.

@ChazMaz I do think that white Amercan’s have little idea what it is like to grow up and know that people hate you. I agree that some extreme Moslems hate us for being an American, for our relgious views, for whatever else they might hate “white American’s” for. But, my example of the swastika’s on the dorm door. After that incident the Jewish group on campus held a meeting. A friend of mine, who is not Jewish, he is a white male who was raised Baptist in MI, said, “what’s the big deal?” I said well that symbol means people want to cart us off and kill us. It evokes fear. He really didn’t get it. He said, “but it is just a drawing.”

Since I was young girl every time I am in a synogogue I think, well if they want to kill a bunch of Jews, here we are. Blacks also, probably grow up with this type of thought process in the back of their heads. It seemed to me that most white Christian American’s felt it impossible for something like 9/11 to happen, but we minorities are aware that hateful people do crazy evil sh@t all of the time. That you (well I don’t mean you specifically) ever felt completely safe is interesting to me. Immune from hate. White Christian American’s seem so enveloped in their majority that they fail to know what it is like to be the minority.

@JLeslie:

9/11 gave me all the idea I need.

Every group is hated by someone, i just don’t whine about it like the OP.

There are extreme groups in the Middle East that want to persecute people for being American, just as there are people in America who want to persecute people for being from the Middle East (or brown, for that matter).

Both groups are wrong, and neither of them represent the masses.

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv I don’t know how old you are, but if you are over 30 you went through your childhood feeling immune. I don’t know you, so I don’t want to assume you had no empathy or understanding of what it is like to be a discriminated against minority, but I do think it is difficult to understand the psychology if you have not experienced it. I am empathetic to that fact. If it took until 9/11 for you to get it, you are lucky.

Who is the OP?

OP = Original Poster.

Blacks were hating on whitey well before 9/11 for example.

My point is that we all are in the same boat when it comes to hatred and ignorance but some groups won’t have it. They need the hate they recieve. It serves as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for ones individual life.

‘I can’t get work cause im such and such’. Bullshit.

Nobody said life was fair anyway. You just might have to work a little harder because of who you are. The only respectable alternative is to quietly, proudly do it.

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv Ok, I see what you are saying. I had drifted off a little from what you are pointing out. I don’t agree we are all in the same boat, but I do agree that you can’t use it as an excuse. I believe that the majority of America is not racist in my opinion. I think if you live with the idea in your head every day that you are at a disadvantage because of your skin color, or religion, or whatever, and use that as a reason to not get ahead or not take responsibility it is a mistake. Also, I want to point out that people make “racist statements” but are not necessarily racist. Sweeping statements about groups may have nothing to do with how that person treats an individual from that group. Sometimes people within a minority group take things overly personally when it is not warranted.

I was coming more from the point of view that people in the majority are sometimes unaware of the position of the minority. For instance, I have said to more than one Christian who want prayer in school, “why would you want prayer in school? Why would you want to have a public school teacher feel empowered by the states to talk about religion or lead a prayer? What if the majority of American’s were Moslem, or just the majority within your community, would you feel the same way?” The response I have received more than once is, “I would never live in a country where the majority was Moslem.” That to me demonstrates an inability for that person to understand the minorities perspective. I am not saying that person is racist or hateful, just not able to empathasize or doesn’t care.

My answer is to live in the most welcoming and progressive state my country has where there are a great majority of mixed Americans similar to me. Many people don’t see me as belonging to any ethnic group and so I overhear a lot of stuff they aren’t guarding and for the most part I just brush it off after deciding who I want to bother with and who I don’t.

@hungryhungryhortence I agree with you. I miss living in a diverse place. The more mixed the better—everyone is just one of the many.

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv So we need the hate in order to feel like individuals? Wow. Then I guess the Nazis were doing me a favor, making me feel all special because they killed my people like cattle.

This is kind of interesting, actually – I’ve heard about ignorance like this, but never encountered it before. I never thought that people really existed who are so insecure they write off persecution as consciously or subconsciously welcomed or invited by the victim. It’s like running into a person who says that a rape victim was asking for it because she was wearing skimpy clothing – I guess I thought you people all had Alzheimer’s by now. May I use some of what you’ve written in my term paper for my “Torture and Dignity” class?

And the award for completely misuderstanding ones point goes to…

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv Oh that’s cute, you thought I was responding to you? I have no interest in trying to educate willful ignorance, or in wasting my time engaging with it. I just kinda think it’s funny, and would actually love to use you as a primary source for a paper on bigotry. Like I said, I’ve never met someone who holds the views you do. What do you say?

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv @wildpotato‘s first scenario, the swatstika on the sweathshirt, is the same as someone walking into the walmart waving a loaded gun around in a Jewish person’s mind. I think you fail to understand that.

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv I get the feeling you might live in a city, or near one that is not very diverse, but maybe has a lot of lower income people who are from one group? Do you live in the south? What you have said is what I hear a lot living in Memphis. I said above that I think most of the country is not racist, but I have encountered quite a bit of racism here, mostly against blalcks, seems it is alive and well in parts of the south. I cannot speak for you, but here there are people who generalize about blacks being on welfare (which by the way they blame liberals for that more than blacks themselves), having babies they can’t afford, starting fights in the schools, getting jobs through affirmative action, etc. But, many many of these white people don’t want to think this way; they WANT black people to do well, I think maybe that is where you are coming from? They are tired of seeing generations hurt themselves by negative thought, lack of education, and poor decisions. It is the same thing Bill Cosby, Oprah, and Obama are talking about. It is a fact that the drop out rate among blacks is higher than whites, it is a fact that we see high rates of teenage pregnancy in black communities in inner cities like Baltimore, Memphis and others, it is a fact that the majority of homocides here in Memphis are black on black crime. It has more to do with socio-economics than race in my opinion, but there are sub-cultural things at work that make it legitimate to talk about it as a race problem also.

This all goes back to what I said about sweeping statements about race or religion, do not necessarily mean someone is a racist. What I just said, the generalizations about black people in Memphis or Baltimore, has NOTHING to do with what I think when I meet an individual who happens to be black. This is where I think minorities need to not take offense so fast. It is also why an open conversation about race in America needs to take place, there are many misunderstandings on both sides. White Christians in America have little idea of what it is like to be a minority, and minorities need to be less paranoid about racism. As I mentioned way at the top, feeling physically threatened is very different than ignorance or other false generaltizations. Getting passed over for a job, because a company needed to fill some quota, is not like feeling someone might come in the middle of the night and take you from your home at gunpoint.

@wildpotato I think @Noel_S_Leitmotiv thought you were talking to him, because you wrote his name.

@JLeslie Good points. I was talking to him, but in my second post to him it was not in order to respond to the idiocies he’s spewing. I saw that I had made a mistake in trying to engage with him on his level in my initial response, and realized that it’s useless to take up the ‘challenge’ he presented, because it seems to me that for him to be able to think about the issues this way, he must already be deliberately ignoring the points one would put forth to contradict his views. So on my second post to him, I was more mocking the most logically incoherent part of his ‘argument’, and asking for his permission to quote him in my paper.

I have mentioned this before, but it seems peculiarly apt for some reason. Johan Wolfgang von Goethe, a wise and sensitive man, once said, “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”

What I was trying to do was not call names, and EXPLAIN our position, and try to understand where @Noel_S_Leitmotiv was coming from, and what he really meant.

@JLeslie Thank you for doing so. It’s good that some people have the energy to do this, because otherwise society could never move forward. I mean this in all sincerity – I guess I’m pretty close-minded about white supremacy. Which is an interesting thought all on its own. It’s also interesting to examine my own reaction to Noel – disgust. Maybe the mindset of resistance to bigotry is itself a modification of the human inclination towards bigotry, if we see bigotry as stemming from a basic feeling of revulsion towards a group of people, and what I’m calling the mindset of resistance to bigotry also involves instilling a feeling of revulsion towards a group of people – in this case towards the group of people who are prejudiced or bigoted.

@JLeslie: I live in NYC, the most diverse urban area in the world.

wildpotato isn’t interested in a discussion that includes impressions and observations different from hers, seems rather bigoted to me.

You see, wildpotato can’t sustain her anger and cop-outs if all peoples are allowed in the minority clubhouse.

@Noel_S_Leitmotiv you still have not really explained yourself, or who exactly you are annoyed with, or even answered @wildpotato question on how you handle when you feel discriminated against? I guess you do nothing, that no one should complain, because we all have to deal with unfairness? I assume you don’t agree with my point that your experience is not like minorities who have been discriminated against for generations. I feel like you lack discussion also.