Is it appropriate to ask if you can bring a guest to a wedding?
In the next month, I will be attending the wedding of two friends of mine (Several days ago I asked a gift-related question about this same wedding). About two months ago, they created a closed facebook group for the purpose of getting everyone’s addresses. The date and time of the wedding was posted on this group, but the invitations were sent out about a month later.
Upon reading the date of the wedding, a close friend of mine informed her boyfriend about the wedding and had him rearrange his travel and schedule plans so that he could attend. She has been dating this person on and off for about a year now, and has (until recently) been somewhat secretive about this relationship.
Several weeks later, she received the invitation and was not given a plus one. She initially said she was kind of sad, but understood that this is a smaller wedding and that it probably just wasn’t feasible for the couple to give everyone a plus one. Since then, she’s changed her mind and intends on asking the groom if she can bring her boyfriend and is going to offer to cover the cost.
Is this appropriate? For what it’s worth, I wasn’t given a plus one either (and I’m under the impression most, if not all, people weren’t) and I’ve been dating my boyfriend almost as long.
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9 Answers
It is never inappropriate to ask as long as you won’t put pressure on the answerer if you don’t get the answer you were looking for. In fact it is more appropriate to ask then to just ignore the fact you did not get the plus one. I think the fact that she is going to offer to cover the cost is honorable as well. Now they still may not have enough space or may have other reasons for saying ‘no’ but at least it’ll help put your friends mind at ease. My vote is that asking is certainly appropriate as long as it is done respectfully.
I am no etiquette expert, but if the wedding is less than a month away, she needs to be prepared to accept ‘no’ as an answer because they may have all the seating and food arrangements made. If they do say no, she might request if he could fill in if someone else cancels, with the understanding that they probably won’t sit together.
It would be inappropriate to show up with a guest without asking first! It harms nothing/no one to ask!
No harm in asking as long as you don’t make them feel like they have to, also be prepared to accept no too!
I was going to say that if it was far enough in advance it probably wouldn’t be a problem. But, like @hearkat said, she should be ready to get a “no” this late in the game. Although, rarely does everyone invited to a wedding actually show up, so the couple may take that into account and grant a yes.
Hmm, well from the details of your last question and the details from this one..it sounds like a small, private wedding. I wouldn’t expect to even be able to take a date, since you know it’s a close friends/family only wedding, but I guess asking can’t hurt.
I just know, for when we were planning out wedding…we needed an exact count of the people. Larger weddings are easier to accommodate, as the larger banquet facilities usually have lots of food. But, if it’s a restaurant or smaller facility, then I’d definitely ask because it could affect the price for the couple.
If the card says You and… – I decide whether I bring a date (my friends know my current situation); if it’s someone who isn’t so close to me, but sends me an invitation with only my name on it, I decide whether I even want to bring a date or not. Then, should I feel like it (not likely: twice as expensive, can’t flirt (lol); I’ll ask the inviter what is appropriate. No biggy.
I would ask if my boyfriend can come.
Besides budgets, some spaces have capacity limits. If this is a serious boyfriend relationship, and these are close friends, and you feel comfortable asking, ask.
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