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Mat74UK's avatar

So you decide that you dont want kids only to find out all of a sudden you're going to?

Asked by Mat74UK (4646 points ) February 16th, 2010

I married a girl that had a ten year old he’s now nearly sixteen and turning out a terror. we’ve been trying for a kid for three years but recently decided to knock it on the head and become a selfish self obsessed sports car driving couple.
This evening I asked if she minded me going to watch the footy tonight and she said “no” so I preceded to watch Beckham lose to Man U (no I’m not a Man U fan).
After the footy she has shown me a test result she took displaying two bars indicating she is pregnant!!!
I told my buddy that and told him to tell nobody else and she has told her confidant. However my confiadnt has told me I wish I hadn’t told him!
What I’m asking you is: Have I confided in the wrong person?
How would you feel after the deciding against a baby?
I feel confused is this real?

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35 Answers

marinelife's avatar

It would make me have second thoughts about not having kids once the kid was a reality.

Val123's avatar

Looks like you’re gonna have a baby.

dpworkin's avatar

All 16-year-olds are terrors, and they return to being lovely human beings after a few years. I wouldn’t presume to advise you other than to say, don’t make the decision on the basis of your teen-ager’s current behavior.

cookieman's avatar

Start stocking up on diapers and get your sleep while you can – babies on the way!!

Congratulations. Babies are a blast. Have fun with it.

As for the whole friend who’s a friend who you told, etc. etc. – who the hell cares?! You got a nursery to paint man. Get on it.

again, much congratulations

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

awww. that’s great! I’ll go tell Alex!
in a couple of months it won’t matter who you told or didn’t tell
and in a couple of years the 16 year old will be a young adult and completely different

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Is there room in the sports car for a baby carrier? I sure hope so.

To say “congratulations” in Hawaiian, we say “Ho’omaikai!”

As to your question, I can’t imagine why your buddy would not feel elated that you chose to confide in him. It is wonderful news, after all, and it shows your trust in him that you told him.

I’m not sure how to answer your other questions about feelings after you had decided not to have children. All I think I can really say is that babies are a blessing, and they return the love bestowed on them tenfold.

dpworkin's avatar

They hardly ever show football on TV here, but I’m a Liverpool fan, anyway. L-I-V! E-R-P! Double_O-L Liverpool FC!

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans…

Congratulations on the baby!

Val123's avatar

@dpworkin I hate liver. Why you gotta keep talking about it?

I’m afraid to be the one to ask this question but…are you considering termination, and is that why your friend wishes you hadn’t said anything, because now he’s kind of in the middle of an awful decision…..?

filmfann's avatar

Congrats on this wonderful news!
Why is it wonderful? Your son is 16, and this is a good time for him to see a screaming baby with a loaded diaper. He will be careful because you weren’t.

Val123's avatar

Yeah! Put your son in charge of the baby!

Cruiser's avatar

You and your gal have been surprised and so have yours and hers “confidants”. Your footy buddy knows you are soon to be non-existant for another 16 years doing the daddy shuffle. You are blessed to have this baby and I would not worry as once the shock and surprise settles in everyone will come around and toast to your new addition!

Congratulations!

essieness's avatar

I can imagine you’re shocked, scared, maybe even a little pissed that you’re about to have to give up your freedom for the next 20+ years. But it doesn’t look like you have much of a choice. So, you can either choose to be pissed about it, or accept it for what it is and move forward. The second option will clearly be easier in the end. As for the confidant, who cares if he wishes you hadn’t told him?? If he’s a true friend, he will accept this as a part of who you are and things will be fine. And, congrats :)

Symbeline's avatar

Ack, I don’t know how I’d feel. I always figured most people were born as accidents anyway.

Be that as it may, that usually doesn’t stop most parents from loving the new baby once it’s born, whether they wanted one or not.

onesecondregrets's avatar

Everything happens for a reason. A child is never anything short of a blessing. And hey at least you’ll be a pro starting when your little one turns 10, which having the pain-in-the-butt 16 year old now will really benefit you, unfortunately sucks for your kid haha. Congrats, really. Have a drink, shake your nerves, and be excited!

filmfann's avatar

When someone says: “A child is never anything short of a blessing” I always wonder if they have any kids.

wundayatta's avatar

Didn’t anyone ever tell you that you have to give up on getting what you want in order to get it?

Did you confide in the wrong person? If you wanted someone to support you in your choice to remain childless, then I guess he is the wrong person. Does this matter? Do you think he’s going to put pressure on you to keep the child? Well, look around you. There is hardly anyone left these days who supports ending a pregnancy. It doesn’t seem like you are going to get any support here for that decision.

Are you truly undecided? Do you really want to think through the pros and cons of having a child? You could ask a different question.

If you have already decided, then yes, you talked to the wrong person, and you need to find a different friend who will support you in this.

I recommend you seriously consider keeping the child. Don’t be scared off by the sixteen year old you are step-parenting. You can be a good father, but only if you want the child. If you are going to resent it forever, then you’ll be divorcing before very long if she keeps it. Even if you abort it—that’s very hard on a relationship. It might kill the relationship as well as the fetus. You’ve got a lot to think about.

onesecondregrets's avatar

If you have kid’s filmfann, I might feel sorry for them a little bit. Just might. I don’t have kids. I work with disabled children though. Maybe I haven’t birthed or adopted any children as my own but I’ve seen enough in life to form an opinion on the concept of parenting and having kids to know that if a child doesn’t turn out a “blessing” it’s due to genetics, parenting, and environment..none of which are at fault of the child.

filmfann's avatar

@onesecondregrets My sister always said that people with no kids have all the answers.

onesecondregrets's avatar

Don’t have all the answers, just have my own opinions…to each his own.

Val123's avatar

@filmfann You made me choke with “When someone says: “A child is never anything short of a blessing” I always wonder if they have any kids.” Seriously! And I have 3 fully grown kids! Just choked a little, like, in my mouth and stuff. :) Big Love!

YoH's avatar

Words cannot begin to give you what will come naturally in nine months,
incredible joy. A joy like no other. When you hold your baby for the first time, you will ‘feel’ what I am saying. God bless.

cookieman's avatar

@Val123: I have a friend with a degree in child psychology; worked as a preschool director and teacher for years. Had lots of opinions on child-rearing similar to you.

Then she finally had her own children. Her pearls of wisdom are noticeably absent these days.

Val123's avatar

@cprevite But….I have three kids. All grown….?

Leanne1986's avatar

I’m a little confused as to what you mean when you say that your friend wishes you hadn’t told him. Told him what exactly? @wundayatta‘s answer has implied that you told your friend that your partner and yourself are planning to abort the pregnancy. Is that what you told you friend or did you simply tell him that your partner was pregnant?

If you told your friend that your partner is pregnant (and didn’t mention anything about aborting) then it’s his problem if he wishes you hadn’t told him. Sounds like he needs to man up and be a more supportive friend. If you told your friend that you are planning to abort the pregnancy and he wishes that you hadn’t told him that then it may have something to do with personal beliefs. He still shouldn’t judge you for it but it makes it easier to understand why he wishes you hadn’t told him.

If you are planning to keep the baby even though you had decided against trying to get pregnant then it’s time to just go with the flow. No one said it would be easy but I am sure it will be worth it. You obviously wanted a baby back when you were trying so it can’t be all bad. Congratulations.

cookieman's avatar

@Val123: Oops, sorry Val. That was meant for @onesecondregrets. ;^\

Damn fat fingers

Val123's avatar

@cprevite I was gonna say! LOL! My dad’s wife, who’s never had children, is an absolute expert on the subject of raising children. Her main answer is “Well! You just don’t allow them to do that!” Gnashing of teeth.

Mat74UK's avatar

@leanne1986 – abortion has never crossed our minds I think he was upset about me telling him and asking him to keep it a secret for a while.

Leanne1986's avatar

@Mat74UK In that case, he needs to man up and get over it and you need to stop worrying about his feelings and focus on yourself, your partner and the soon to be new edition to your family. Your friend will get over it.

Val123's avatar

Glad to hear you aren’t considering the termination option. In that case…
CONGA RATS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/

marinelife's avatar

@Mat74UK I am so glad to hear you say that. I too wondered if that was what you meant.

Mat74UK's avatar

Been to the Docs and confirmed everything!
It is only early though!

wundayatta's avatar

Oh well. So much for my interpretation of the question. Sorry about that. My bad.

bluntlyspeakin's avatar

nut up and be proud to have a life come into this world that is a full blown representative of the union between you & your lady, It’s a great thing, trust me! i got 2 girls, and God knows i didn’t plan to have either of them, but everyday i feel rich because my girls love the shit outta me, and one day they’ll be succesfull and not put me in a nursing home, but buy me a nice house by a lake or somthing like that…......we, all as parents can give our kids the best oppurtunities, no one else.

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WolfFang's avatar

@dpworkin awww. that hurts bro, no one ever said I was a terror. But yeah to answer the question, awesome you’re gonna have a baby! But not so awesome if your as unprepared as you say you are, not just caring for it, but I mean the psychological changes you will have to make to become a parent…I don’t even know what it’s like to have a kid and I sure don’t intend on finding out anytime soon lol. Good Luck

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