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Sariperana's avatar

NSFW: Would you be the lover of a man who is already in a relationship?

Asked by Sariperana (1442 points ) April 5th, 2010

If you were propositioned by a guy that you have ‘seen’ in the past for a for a secret rendezvous. Both young, no responsibilties.
If you had the offer on the cards, for no strings, secret “coital’s” – would you?

So i have been asked to edit this question: If you thought that he may have a girlfriend, but it was nothing serious – would your opinion change?? Is it the other womans responsibilty to not allow for the man to cheat in his other relationship?

Please refrain from any judgement like: he is an arsehole and other negative and unhelpful yet obvious remarks. This question is NOT about the girlfriend, but rather the ‘Other Woman’.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

54 Answers

niks1112's avatar

can you give more information?

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Oooo! Anonymous sex with strangers in a garage! How could anything possibly go wrong?
Let us know how that works out for you.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Yes, I would, provided he is not cheating on someone.

tinyfaery's avatar

If I felt like it. Shit. Why not?

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

Um, no! Lol.

Lightning's avatar

No. Aids.

@niks1112 It’s best to ask your mom to explain it.

chyna's avatar

Yes. Condoms.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Come on.. sex is great. Two consenting adults, hopefully using protection, what is the big deal? We all need an outlet. ;)

The only issue I have with NSA sex is that no one ever wants to continue it very long.. haha.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Why does it have to be a secret? Otherwise, yes.

niks1112's avatar

@lightning stop being such a smart ass, we are here to help people, and clearly you dont give a shit

davidbetterman's avatar

Is this garage carpeted?

Lightning's avatar

@niks1112 Don’t feed the trolls. :P

Sariperana's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir it has to be a secret because he is friends with my housemates, and we know way to many common people… And being Secret makes it so much more exciting!!!

Sarcasm's avatar

@Captain_Fantasy To be fair, it’s not really anonymous or with a stranger, @Sariperana says she had seen the guy in the past.

Well I’ve only ‘seen’ one girl in the past and I wouldn’t want to get back with her in any way. but assuming I was on decent standings with her, sure. Sex is cool. Not worrying about a relationship is cool too.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Sariperana it’ll come out no matter what but go for it!

ftp901's avatar

When you are young is the time to do these things.

I would do this but only if you use a condom, stay safe, and conduct yourself in a way where you retain your self-respect (ie. don’t do it if he is getting more out of it than you are).

Secret is good – it will make it more exciting for sure – but just make sure you aren’t keeping it a secret because you are ashamed (ie. if you don’t want your friends to know that you are engaging with this person again, that’s an indication that you feel you are stooping too low).

Sariperana's avatar

@Everyone – Would your opinions change if you thought that he had a girlfriend?

I say thought, because there is a chance that this may be the case…

JeffVader's avatar

No, I dont fancy guys…. young, attached or otherwise.

LunaChick's avatar

I wouldn’t want to be the “other woman” If he were just dating, but not in a serious relationship, then I might. It depends on the guy.

davidbetterman's avatar

So you had to edit out the meeting in the garage?

Anyway, this is an age-old dilemma and one which has never been solved by asking others what they would do.
You must follow your heart and ignore the advice of others. No one can live your life but you…

Sariperana's avatar

@davidbetterman the garage has carpet squares! ;)

nebule's avatar

been there…never again

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

I would never get involved with someone who is in a relationship, however serious. I wouldn’t even admit to my friends that I liked a person if they were in a relationship. Every relationship should be allowed to reach its natural end without jealousy to complicate things.

aprilsimnel's avatar

It may be the man’s responsibility to himself to not cheat, but the Other Woman has a responsibility to do unto others as she would like to be done unto herself. Would the Other Woman like it if she were in a steady relationship and some other woman accepted her SO’s offer for a roll in the hay? Or garage? I highly doubt it.

Facade's avatar

I’d feel very trashy and wrong if I did, so no.

Dr_C's avatar

No. I like women.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

You’ve changed the q! I answer no now.

CMaz's avatar

I had a friend that dated a married man for many years.
Actually I have know a couple (more then 2).

Seems to happen when there is money.

Jude's avatar

I’m with @aprilsimnel on this one. If he has (or there’s a good chance that he has) a girlfriend, forgeddaboudit.

deni's avatar

NO. i like to go by “treat others as you’d like to be treated” in the relationship would. i would not be very happy if my boyfriend was banging another woman, why would i do the same to someone else?

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I couldn’t bring myself to knowingly interfere in another couples relationship. In any event, casual sex is not my cup of tea.

Exhausted's avatar

If I even suspected he was in a commited relationship with someone else, I would consider him hands off. Even if it is a possible one time fling. You mention your house mate knows him and you have many friends in common, do you know the person you THINK he might be in a relationship with? If the people you are trying to hide from would be hurt if they found out, you can bet, they will find out, no matter how hard you try to keep it a secret.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

I think it’d be exciting in the beginning but it’d eventually get messy and complicated. But to answer your question, I may be so caught up in the moment that I might sleep with him a few times before I realized how stupid the whole situation was. The fact that he had a girlfriend would probably make me more likely to have sex with him because I prefer a challenge. But as I said, I’d eventually wake up and realize how ridiculous we were being and regret the whole thing.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ItalianPrincess1217 this is what you think a challenge is? your example is like the many women who want to sleep with my husband but when he says he told me about it, they lose interest.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir While writing my post I was thinking “I bet Simone will attack me for this one”. Go figure…

The challenge is keeping it a
secret and maybe eventually “winning” the man in the end. If everyone was as open as you are in your relationship, I think infidelity statitistics would drop significantly. But that’s just not how most of the world thinks. They like the chase, the secrets, the sneaking around, the fact that it’s something they shouldn’t be doing.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ItalianPrincess1217 You bet correctly, you won! I wasn’t attacking by the way, just wondering why you’d think that’s a challenge

Trillian's avatar

So, he has a girlfriend and you want to blame her for not “stopping” him from cheating on her. And you want to boff him in the garage which is ok because there are carpet squares. Nice.
And lucky you, you may get to be his next girlfriend. At which point I’d suggest setting out some rat traps in the garage.

deni's avatar

@Trillian best answer

CyanoticWasp's avatar

You’d have such a romantic story to tell the kids about “how we first met”.

Oh, screw it, you’d lie to them, too, of course.

Well, since you’d be demonstrating that you have no morals and already know that he has no morals (I’m not judging here, just stating obvious fact), then you’d be a perfect match.

This is why I’ve always been thankful to Bob G. for stealing my first wife from me during our first year of marriage. What heartache he saved me from later.

So after you do this with him, make sure to let her know, okay? You’d be doing her a huge favor to get this out in the open and let her deal with it soonest.

deni's avatar

the other thing about this is why would you want to do this so that someday, potentially, you could date this guy? if he cheated on one girlfriend, why wouldn’t he cheat on another? it just doesn’t make sense on any level.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

If there are no responsibilities or commitments elsewhere then why the secrecy? If it’s got to be on the downlow then I’d definitely suspect another partner in the mix somewhere. It’s also been my experience that anyone who says they have a gf or bf but it’s not serious is lying otherwise they’d just be “dating” occasionally. If you’re going to “cheat” then know up front if there is a gf/SO/wife or whatever because the odds of shit hitting the fan are greater than the two of you getting away with anything.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

You’re a big girl and you sound old enough to know that your actions have consequences so you don’t need anyone’s approval here to have cheap anonymous sex with your friends. Don’t expect your friends to treat you the same after they find out which of course they will.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Yes, please do it do it do it do it do it good! I love watching the lying cheating fools on Cheaters get busted. Better get your lines ready!

Doesn’t everyone love getting cheated on? Doesn’t everyone love being lied to?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies
A relation of mine made it into The Best of Cheaters DVD, outstanding! Oh, and don’t forget when the cheated on partner finds out (they always do) then pics & e-mails you thought were so private make their way into the strangest of places- think false accts. created the likeness of the cheaters, stuff sent to their parents, workplace, friends and children, the cheated on giving out your e-mail address and phone number to receive all kinds of spam. tee hee

Trillian's avatar

@Neizvestnaya I’d say she was getting in practice being lied to now. If she falls for his reasons of wanting to keep it secret, she’ll likely be a chump for his lies when she has the dubious privilege of being the main woman in his life. (I was going to say “girlfriend” but let’s not drag that title through the mud, ok?)

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“Would you be the lover of a man who is already in a relationship?”

We can call it “lover” all we want. We can also put lipstick on a pig and call the semen filled turkey baster “lover”... But alas, she is only a sperm sponge.

And at least the pig isn’t cheating.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

I look forward to periodic updates to this situation. It’s a like a prequel to a Jerry Springer episode.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@Captain_Fantasy
The Trainwrecks of Fluther, coming up next!

Sariperana's avatar

wow what a passionate bunch of responses! I did not go through with it, nor would I. It was propositioned to me and I thought it was an interesting proposition.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir my apologies- the mods made me change my question to bring on better discussion.
@CyanoticWasp I would be almost insulted if I didn’t agree with you!
@RealEyesRealizeRealLies great analogy!

I have in the past been the other woman- for two years, though it was unknowingly! It tore me appart and I have had nothing to do with him since. Since then I have grown and become stronger… And somewhat slightly bitter. I actually think the situation at most is amusing. I was flattered, and excited at the thought of secret sex- however, it’s not something that I would go through with- I just don’t care enough about him to put my self through such an icky sitch. He is a 19yr old guy in a relationship with some one just to say he has a girlfriend. It is not a serious relationship. At this age- are any of them??

This brings me to my next question- Why do people waste their times in pointless relationships that are going nowhere!!?? I just don’t understand.

Sariperana's avatar

@ItalianPrincess1217 thanks for not jumping on the moral crusader boat and actually putting yourself in the situation. I like the lack of judgement in your response! GA!

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

“He is a 19yr old guy in a relationship with some one just to say he has a girlfriend. It is not a serious relationship. At this age- are any of them??”

Why do you think you are aware of all the nuances of his relationship? Has he told you she is of no value to him, or are you projecting your wishes to justify your desires? If you are not the one in the relationship, you are not in a position to judge his seriousness. Many guys pretend not to be serious because they are scared of getting hurt, so if the relationship goes sideways they can laugh it off in front of their friends.

I am a 19yr old guy, and I have been with my girlfriend for over 18 months. We have discussed how far we plan to take things, expressed our mutual distaste for marriage, and all the other things that a serious relationship deals with. I realise that at 19 many guys still aren’t ready for a serious relationship, and I am one of the lucky ones, but you cannot generalise, nor can you assume that he is not serious based on outward appearances. I stick to my previous statement – every relationship should be allowed to reach its natural end.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@Sariperana
Why do you assume a 19yr old can’t be serious about a relationship? Along with a whole bunch of others, I graduated high school at 16 and went straight into college, moved out of my parents’ home, supported myself, pursued “serious” relationships and found them.

You mentioned having been duped by an involved man and are now left with a tinge of bitterness. Did the experience also provoke you out of anger to imagine then consider and open the door to doing the same thing to see “how the bastards play”? I felt like that after being duped and I purposefully went against my lifelong beliefs in order to do one of things I believe is most despicable. Didn’t get a thing out of it except to no longer have bragging rights to never being a cheater. Don’t do it.

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