Social Question

pinkgirl02's avatar

I want sex with my boyfriend but im a bit scared as it would be my first time how will it feel?

Asked by pinkgirl02 (257points) April 19th, 2010

i have told my boyfriend that it will be my first time and hes ok with it ,but i am really scared about it i want to though i feel ready ,but i dont want to mess things up what can i do to please him?

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82 Answers

thriftymaid's avatar

Ask your mother.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I know we’re not supposed to ask but how old are you?

ucme's avatar

I’m a giver not a taker, never had my cherry popped.Just one guy talking here.

Sophief's avatar

Is it his first time also?

mowens's avatar

How old are you? Please wait. I wish I had waited. I truely, truely do.

pinkgirl02's avatar

no my boyfriends done it before with his ex girlfriends

Sophief's avatar

Well, my first time was very embarrasing. I was all cocky thinking it was no big deal, it was like he was putting a huge log in me with twigs on. I never told him it was my first time, but he knew the minute he pulled out and saw the blood. I never saw him again.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

That’s older than I was. I wasn’t totally upfront and honest about my first time. It was a frigging disaster because I pretended to be the cool guy. Be totally honest and talk each other thru it. When it’s great its amazing. When it isn’t good it sucks.

pinkgirl02's avatar

i think hes going to feel awkward towards me though

pinkgirl02's avatar

because i dont think hes slept with a virgin before

phoebusg's avatar

From above, the best route is good communication. Do it when you both feel like it’s the right time. Not because you feel you must now, today, this time.

Just tell him you want him, make him feel special. You chose him. Don’t worry about pleasing him right off the bat. Though you could explore the net a little bit I’m sure you’ll find tons of —- instructions (cough). But that said, make it your own.

In that moment in which you will find yourselves, be in it. Don’t think about anything else. Relax, and flow.

JLeslie's avatar

I am assuming you have done some significant fooling around already and hopefully your hymen is already broken. If so, sex the first time will probably be not a very big deal. True you kind of won;t know what you are doing, but honestly the first tme with almost anyone, even if yu have had sex before takes a little time to get used to each other, preferred positions and rythm etc.

You speak of satisfying him, again I am assuming you have done some significant fooling around before this point. If it is not his first time, he knows your first time might be awkward, don’t worry. If it is his first time also, it is actually probably more difficult for the man because he has to worry about being nervous and staying hard, and not coming too fast, and all sorts of stuff, but as a woman as long as you are not too nervous you can be a little passive the first time and no one is going to fault you for it.

Just be safe, wear a condom, better if you both have been checked medically so you know it is safe, and don’t expect too much and know it will get better as you both get to know each other physically.

Sophief's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Just ask him to help you through it, to show you the ropes. Is he the same age as you?

pinkgirl02's avatar

hes 40 so he is experienced

JLeslie's avatar

Oh, I just read it is not his first time. Still don’t worry, he understands it is your first time. Tell him you are a little nervous if you are, and probably he will say something to make you feel better.

OK, ignore what I have said so far. 40! And you are a 24 year old virgin? Why are you dating him? How long? And, why are you willing to lose it with him?

phoebusg's avatar

@pinkgirl02 well then, just work on yourself, rather – just be. Relax, be in a good mood, be in that moment. That’s all.

Sophief's avatar

@pinkgirl02 So he’s not some stupid kid then. He’ll enjoy showing the way, trust me. Relax, it will be good. He will obviously know what he is doing, he’ll make it special for you.

Your_Majesty's avatar

Maybe if you watch some porno videos you can learn some move to please him.

pinkgirl02's avatar

i have been with him for seven years a bit odd i know but i havent felt ready until now and i love him

JLeslie's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Are you saying he has waited 7 years?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Here’s a thought: depending on how this thread plays out, you could print it out and show it to him before so he knows what your thinking. Or edit it to convey your concerns to him. If he knows how you’re approaching this it might help.

pinkgirl02's avatar

yes he has waited all this time because he knows how i feel and he said he loves me to

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

It’s like a bareback pony ride. A little bumpy at first, but fun!

phoebusg's avatar

There are no boundaries in love, don’t let different standards and viewpoints get to you.

SeventhSense's avatar

If you’re honest with each other and he respects your feelings it should be fine. If you’ve masturbated and know what it feels like when you’re relaxed and turned on you should be fine. Don’t be afraid and if you feel uncomfortable make sure he knows to go slow or whatever you want. It’s best if he’s experienced and you have to trust him. It may in fact be uncomfortable at first and there’s no one way for all girls. If you haven’t broken your hymen it might have to be a quick sharp pain but once you get past the resistance you should be fine. Just let it be natural and when you’re really turned on and feel ready just give into the feeling and open yourself but not a moment before then. Listen to your body and try to calm your mind. You may not have any pain though if you’ve already broken your hymen or if you’re just super wet. Most important is trust and to be relaxed. If you’re too nervous you will close up and tighten your PC muscles too much. Practice stretching your muscles in your legs so you don’t cramp up. Have fun and enjoy.

pinkgirl02's avatar

i do sometimes feel ashamed to be a virgin at my age but i just havent been ready until now

Sophief's avatar

@pinkgirl02 I agree with @phoebusg and sex is so much better when your in love. I wish I lost it with someone I was in love with instead of who I did.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@pinkgirl02 There’s nothing to be ashamed about waiting until you felt it was the right time. I think that’s great.

JLeslie's avatar

@pinkgirl02 I don’t know one man that would wait 7 years, especially if he had already been sexually active. He most likely has been screwing around with other people, use a condom. The age difference makes me even more suspicious. That means you started dating when you were 17 and he was 33, I don’t like that at all. 24 and 40 is bad enough, but not crazy; 17 and 33 should be questioned. But, I’ll stop commenting, because this is obviously not part of your question.

What I said above stands, as others have agreed, he will most likely be patient and understanding.

pinkgirl02's avatar

the age difference is alot i know but hes just so loving and he understands me in loads of ways

Sophief's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Age is a number. Nothing else. Don’t let others that don’t understand get in your way. It’s your life.

pinkgirl02's avatar

he must love me to wait that long surely

ucme's avatar

@pinkgirl02 On one of your previous questions you state that you’re 26 you now say you’re 24.You also state that you’re a virgin & again on your previous question you say that you always use protection when sleeping together.Forgive me, i’m confused.

PupnTaco's avatar

You’re not the confused one, amigo.

Nullo's avatar

I’m going to suggest that you wait until you’re married.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

This person is clearly a liar. Too many contradictions.

pinkgirl02's avatar

i am asking for advice how am i a liar

JLeslie's avatar

I say we all stop following if she can’t figure out why that is lying.

chyna's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Your other question says you have had sex, this one says you are a virgin. That is why we think you are lying.

phoebusg's avatar

Maybe she’s embarrassed of the age gap. A lot of the replies are age-ist. But nevertheless, the truth sets you free.

pinkgirl02's avatar

i thought this site was to ask and give advice not to accuse peaple

pinkgirl02's avatar

well anyway thankyou all for the advice u have given me its been very helpfull

SeventhSense's avatar

@pinkgirl02
Helpful for someone but whether it was you or not the world may never know. Some virgin (maybe you, maybe not) may stumble upon it. So what is it? Sociology experiment? Religious agenda entrapment? Perverted old man getting his kicks? Young girl giggling with her friends?
No male waits 7 years. But no healthy 33 year old dates a 17 year old unless he’s Roman Polanski in which case he also would not have waited 7 years.
Oh my God. Wait, I figured it out. Pink girl 02 is Chris Hansen

pinkgirl02's avatar

i was just asking an honest question sorry u feel that way

SeventhSense's avatar

So why the dishonesty with ages, virginity and/or lack of virginity?

pinkgirl02's avatar

because im embarrest

Likeradar's avatar

Aside from the very obvious fact that you’re either lying and wasting the collective’s time in this question or the last (if not both):

Do you live in a non-westernized culture or follow a conservative religion?
If not, honey, a 30-something dating a teenager and not having sex with her is really freaking weird and creepy on so many levels. Is that that you had so much in common 7 years ago? The idea of a 33 year old man having enough in common with a 17 year old to sustain a relationship means there is something unhealthy going on, imho.
I am 100% with who ever said he’s getting some on the side.

SeventhSense's avatar

So that’s why you became 26 on the other thread because of the age difference? I can kind of understand that. So maybe you feel awkward about more than the sex?

pinkgirl02's avatar

i am 26 and my boyfriend is 40 well 41 in may and i am a virgin i lied on the other question when i said i had slept with him only because everyone would have been shocked at my age and rightly so is odd at my age but the question this one and that one are both genuine

pinkgirl02's avatar

im sorry for lying

PupnTaco's avatar

Let me guess: he’s married and you’re 16?

SeventhSense's avatar

Ok I believe you. Just don’t “cry wolf” when you need honesty.

pinkgirl02's avatar

no hes not married although we have been off and on as i stated in my other question so maybe i think he wants me but really he may not maybe everyone here is right

Likeradar's avatar

@pinkgirl02 You said you don’t know if he’s ever been with a virgin.
Ask him. If you don’t think you can ask him, don’t sleep with him.

When a 16 year old wants to have sex but doesn’t want to actually talk to their partner, it’s silly and a little sad. When it’s an adult… well…

pinkgirl02's avatar

im not 16 i think if i was i wouldnt be so embaresed

pinkgirl02's avatar

i know its pathetic well i am but i just wanted some advice thats all and now i feel worse then i did before

SeventhSense's avatar

I can identify with being embarrassed even though it’s silly being we’re all kind of anonymous. There are some questions I would have a real hard time asking.
edit: asking to an online community but not face to face with a partner

Likeradar's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Get over it and act the age you’re claiming to be. Adults in sexual relationships talk to each other. If your man isn’t cool with talking to you about sex, don’t have sex with him.

janbb's avatar

To answer the question if it still exists; assuming you have fooled around significantly with him and know what turns you on, engage in plenty of foreplay so that you are good and ready before you have intercourse. That will make the act itself much more pleasant and less uncomforatable.

jazmina88's avatar

teh first time is ususally awkward and awful…..but practice makes perfect. Go ahead.

Kismet's avatar

It wasn’t too awkward for me my first time, but I hear that for most people it is.

Also, it isn’t rare for it to be a little bloody, so maybe put a towel under yourself.
It hurts, and feels weird afterward.

After the first couple time, though, you get the flow of things it isn’t so bad.

CMaz's avatar

It will be like changing a tire.

janbb's avatar

@ChazMaz Lug nuts much?

SeventhSense's avatar

Actually in retrospect at 24 so you’ve had to have something up your cooter.
Just make like Annie Oakley.
ride ‘em cowgirl

deni's avatar

my first time did not hurt and i am thankful for that, i don’t handle pain well. its different for everyone though. if you want it then GET IT! WOooo! no seriously.

SeventhSense's avatar

^ She really makes that noise

deni's avatar

WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SeventhSense's avatar

the train is in the tunnel…

chyna's avatar

^^cooter? lol

Haleth's avatar

Whether or not @pinkgirl02 is telling the truth in this question/ the last one, I’m going to take this one at face value and attempt to answer it seriously. Even if the details in question are off, her tone sounds like she’s sincerely worried.

@pinkgirl02 If you’re feeling worried or scared about this, talk with your boyfriend. If you don’t feel like you can talk to him about it, or he isn’t supportive about your fears, then you probably shouldn’t have sex with him. Rather than asking how to please him, you should ask how to make it a good time for yourself. He gets to be your first- that’s plenty to be pleased about.

If you’ve talked, and had sexual experiences with your boyfriend other than intercourse, and you feel ready (and not pressured), then it’s a good time to have sex with your boyfriend. You should engage in plenty of foreplay and your boyfriend should be willing to stop at any time if you don’t feel comfortable. The more relaxed and turned on you are, the better it will feel. Your boyfriend needs to be willing to stop if for any reason you aren’t into having sex any more, no matter what. If you don’t think he will do this, you shouldn’t have sex with him. If you can engage in foreplay with him, and know that it doesn’t necessarily have to lead to sex, you will probably feel more comfortable and less scared. Also, the more foreplay a woman does, the more likely she is to reach orgasm.

Have you talked with your boyfriend about birth control/ safe sex? If you don’t feel like you can talk to him about this, or he doesn’t want to wear a condom, you shouldn’t have sex with him. You may also want to buy a water-based lube. Condoms have a little bit of lube on them, but sometimes they are too dry. If you’re worried that it will hurt, lube will make things a lot easier. I used to work at a sex shop, and people wanted to know if they could use stuff like Vaseline or olive oil or all kinds of crazy shit. Lubes with oil in them dissolve latex condoms! Ky, Astroglide, and ID glide are examples of waterbased lubes you can find at the drug store.

If you’re turned on and ready, your boyfriend should insert his penis very sloooowly the first time. You’ll need to communicate with him- you should set the pace at this moment. It might hurt a little, or you may feel a slight pulling. The more tense you are, the more it will hurt, so I can’t emphasize enough that you need to do a lot of foreplay and feel relaxed, comfortable, and turned on. After a few moments, it will probably start to feel good, and you can tell your boyfriend to speed up. Of course, if you are on top, you can set the pace and the depth of penetration- this may be easier for you.

You may notice a common thread running through this- assertiveness and communication. If you can talk honestly with your boyfriend, and be in control of your own experience, you can have a great time. My first time was great. My boyfriend and I did a lot of other fooling around before having sex, and talked candidly about it. He never pressured me- we waited until I was ready to jump his bones. ;) You don’t have to be in love to have a great first time.

JLeslie's avatar

@Likeradar Thank you, it was me.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

If you are really really genuine and are just seeking some honest help, get in touch with me via private comments and I will take the time meet you in person to take you through the basics and teach you a few tricks.

chyna's avatar

projectile vomit

Likeradar's avatar

@chyna hopefully not during @pinkgirl02‘s first time.

chyna's avatar

@likeradar Or her first time with @beautifulbobby193 who so thoughtfully is willing to help her.~

pinkgirl02's avatar

great i ask for advice about my relationship and what do i get some genuine peaple who have given me some advice and others who are getting off on it by the way u cant meet me in person because i dont live in your country and 2 i will loose my viginity with my boyfriend not some stranger.

slick44's avatar

If he waited 7 years, hes gettin it somewhere else.

mattbrowne's avatar

You said you’re 24. I suggest you ask a women of your age. If she’s a bit younger or a bit older that’s fine too.

Then talk to your boyfriend and explain why you’re a bit worried. If he’s kind and isn’t a virgin he will have the experience and apply extra care.

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