Social Question

bob_'s avatar

Is it appropriate to tell a girl "hope you get some" before she leaves for a date?

Asked by bob_ (19276 points ) May 13th, 2010

So, we were having quite the philosophical discussion on the chat: is it okay to tell a girl “hope you get some” before she leaves for a date? Someone said it’s not, ‘cause it’d imply that she’s slutty. Would it? What are your thoughts?

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60 Answers

chels's avatar

Jokingly? Sure.
Seriously? Depends on the girl, I suppose. (And her intentions ;) )

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Definitely depends on the woman, I’m sure of that. Personally, I’d say “thanks”.

Jeruba's avatar

I wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t like it (never would have liked it) if someone said that to me. But I can’t speak for others.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I think it depends on the girl and how close you were to her.

Fernspider's avatar

I agree that it depends on the girl and her intentions. If she is looking for a casual thing and her motive is to get laid then the comment is appropriate.

If she is looking for a relationship, the comment wouldn’t apply.

I personally wouldn’t be offended and feel it is unfair that a woman is unable to want casual sex without being considered a slut.

chyna's avatar

Love your topics!

bob_'s avatar

@chyna I aim to please XD

chels's avatar

@bob_ Nice topics. I lol’d.

bob_'s avatar

@chels You lol, you make me a sandwich. Those are the rules.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Not unless you’re the escorting her ;) LOL!

perspicacious's avatar

I wouldn’t say it to anyone, male or female.

Primobabe's avatar

No. Even if you’re joking around and being silly, why say something so crass?

bob_'s avatar

@Primobabe But then, is it appropriate to tell that to a man?

tinyfaery's avatar

If that’s what she’s looking for, sure. I’ve said things like that to friends. They always said thanks.

Primobabe's avatar

@bob_ I wouldn’t say that to either a man or a woman.

bob_'s avatar

@Primobabe Fair enough.

chels's avatar

@bob_ I’d say it to you if you were going on a date, since you’re a girl and all.
OH and.. where is my sammich?

evandad's avatar

It’s ok if you’re gay or a very good friend that would never entertain the idea of sex with her themselves.

Primobabe's avatar

I’m probably coming across as some sort of a straight-laced prude! I promise you that I’m not. It’s just that I’ve never regretted behaving like a lady, but I’ve felt horrible—many times in my life—after I’ve blurted something lowbrow or indelicate.

ubersiren's avatar

I wouldn’t have a problem receiving that comment, especially in good fun. But everyone is different.

xxii's avatar

I’d be uncomfortable because I’d feel like the person who said it to me was under the impression that I’m the kind of girl who has sex on a date with anyone who I didn’t call my boyfriend. Which I’m not. It’s entirely dependent on the girl, though.

Buttonstc's avatar

I wouldn’t say it to anyone regardless of who they were.

It’s just making a huge unwarranted assumption, IMHO.

Plus, it tends to make the asker look like a total lech.

Of course, if that’s your goal, then….

Just don’t act all surprised or shocked if it isn’t graciously received or taken as a compliment.

Not everyone is all that thrilled with lechery.

:)

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

I think that is a terrible thing to say. Their sex is their concern, and not something for anyone else to comment on.

Buttonstc's avatar

@FMF

It helps to keep in mind that it’s bob who is asking this Q after all. Consider the source.

:)

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@Buttonstc I’m not aware of Bob’s reputation, but thanks anyway.

Buttonstc's avatar

He’s not exactly known for being the most serious or straight laced person in the Fluther universe.

So just remember to include HUGE grains of salt in that sandwich he will inevitably order you to make :)

jazmina88's avatar

I say dont do anything I wouldnt do.

bob_'s avatar

@Primobabe Not at all. The point of my question was about the difference in standards between men and women.
@chels Is that some kind of role-play? ‘Cause if so, I’m flattered, but that’s not really up my alley :P
@FireMadeFlesh It wouldn’t be a comment on her sex life, simply a playful thing to say.
@Buttonstc I don’t know who you are, but if you put salt in sandwiches, you’re not getting any requests from me.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@bob_ It is still making an assumption about her motives, which is unfair. The point of a date (you’ve made it sound like a first date, or at least an early one) is not sex, it is to get to know the other person. Of course humour is hard to communicate online though, so some girls may take it in the way you intend it.

bob_'s avatar

@FireMadeFlesh I agree. But what if it were a man? Would your opinion change?

ucme's avatar

Rather, “enjoy hon, be sure he does’nt tear your knickers now ya hear.Allright you have yourself a ball”....“Oh I almost forgot, did you remember a condom? Ham & egg flavour goes down well”

mattbrowne's avatar

If she’s a shy 25-year old it will sound very encouraging.

efritz's avatar

Not if you actually want to get some, by making a girl feel like a prostitute. That’s how I’d feel, anyway, and I’m a shy 20-year old . . .

bob_'s avatar

@FireMadeFlesh Okay.
@efritz Why is that? It’s not like you’d be saying “hope you get some… and get paid for it”. Do only prostitutes want to have sex?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I see no problems with this statement. I pretty much say that to all my friends and between friends, that wouldn’t bother me. We all hope to get some when we go out, period.

Jeruba's avatar

@bob_, why? Because it’s crass, rude, and crude. Tasteless and boorish. Both too personal and callously impersonal at the same time. Because my behavior never invited a comment like that, and to make such a remark suggests that it did—so it would have been an insult to me. Because if sex were on the agenda, I would never cheapen it by thinking of it as “getting some”; instead it would be part of a relationship and an expression of sincere feelings, not just physicality; and if sex were not on the agenda, it would just be an embarrassing presumption. It’s no business of someone else’s to speculate vocally on my private behavior. That’s why.

If someone said that to me, it would tell me enough about them to affect my opinion of them, probably permanently.

Even if the young woman were known to be looking for casual sex, I would consider this remark to be equivalent to calling her a demeaning name, and I wouldn’t do it even if I thought she deserved it because that would be demeaning to me.

I know attitudes have changed, but I did come of age during the sexually liberated sixties, and enjoyed them, so it’s not like I’m speaking from beneath a stack of lace doilies.

I suppose it’s possible to develop a group culture in which such a remark means nothing or is harmless, but I can’t picture myself being part of it.

perspicacious's avatar

@Jeruba I like your answer

Primobabe's avatar

@Jeruba Amen to everything that you’ve written.

bob_'s avatar

@Jeruba I understand how it can be considered crass, rude and crude. I’m assuming you’d think the same if it was told to a man? I don’t understand why it would be demeaning if it was known that the woman was interested in or open to the idea of casual sex. Is casual sex demeaning?

Jeruba's avatar

Yes, I do think it’s the same if said to a man because I don’t think much of the double standard. But I realize (from years of living in an otherwise male household) that men speak to one another differently. I am still sometimes shocked at the things guys say to each other, but I know it sounds different to them from the way it sounds to me.

I think it is rude to comment on all kinds of personal behavior, not just sexual. We may be aware of many natural functions and personal matters, but if we’re civilized, we don’t call attention to them. I wouldn’t say to someone, “Forget your deodorant?” I wouldn’t say, “You sure were in the bathroom for a long time. Tough one, huh?” I wouldn’t say, “That color is completely awful on you.” I wouldn’t say, “Your boyfriend looks like a real jerk.” I wouldn’t say, “You dress like an immigrant” or “Excuse me, but I’d rather not leave my purse in the same room with you” or “Close your mouth when you’re not speaking. You look stupid.” Likewise I would not say “I see that you’re going out, and that’s making me think about your sexual behavior. I’m guessing you’re going out for some casual sex tonight.” That’s what “hope you get some” means.

It’s not just the remark per se. It’s not even just making the remark. It’s being the sort of person who would make the remark. Being that person would not be consistent with my own self-respect or with courtesy and decent manners toward others.

If others operate within a different understanding among themselves, that’s their business, and I’m not judging them. I’m only answering what it would mean to me and why I would not do it.

bob_'s avatar

@Jeruba Perfectly understood, now. Thank you!
How do immigrants dress?

Jeruba's avatar

@bob_, you know that wasn’t a comment on immigrants. It was an example of a rude personal remark not intended to compliment anyone. And I wouldn’t say it for a lot of reasons, not just one.

bob_'s avatar

@Jeruba Yes, I know. I just had never heard that one before.

Jeruba's avatar

“Heard that one?” It’s not a one. It’s just a potentially insulting remark not to make. The image that crossed my mind was of missionary barrels and of people wearing whatever came to hand, regardless of its condition or appearance, because they had no choice. I have a friend who dresses like that even though she doesn’t have to.

bob_'s avatar

@Jeruba Yes, that one remark. But… you know what, let’s move on XD

perspicacious's avatar

@Jeruba I think Bob should make you a sandwich

bob_'s avatar

@perspicacious I think you should make us all some sandwiches. Easy on the lettuce.

bob_'s avatar

@Zen_Again Well, then I hope you don’t get any, either :P

XD

bongo's avatar

I would not find that comment offending at all. It would obviously be meant in a light-hearted way and the obvious response would be something like: ‘just because you cant get any’

obviously it wouldnt be a personal attack its more to do with go have fun and hope all goes well on the date. I wouldnt see it as ‘you are a slag – go get laid’ as I know im not!
but reading the comments on here it would definately depend on the girl. it might just be a selective sense of humor so be careful who you say it to.
but @bob_ for your next date, I do hope you get some!

bob_'s avatar

@bongo Thank you! Likewise! :D

anartist's avatar

Depends on the girl and how well you know her. I know one male friend I would laugh with and smile as i left for my date, but no one else. You would have to be someone the girl you said it to shared intimate secrets with and laughed with.

bob_'s avatar

@anartist What about the other way around? Would it be any different if one were to say that to a guy?

anartist's avatar

@bob_ I would say the same thing back at him.

bob_'s avatar

@anartist No, I mean, is it different to say that to a guy?

anartist's avatar

A guy to a guy [different thing—I am talking about man-to-woman and woman-to-man] is probably more acceptable than a guy to a woman, in a sophomoric frat kind of way. But that’s not a great kind of way. A guy saying it to the wrong woman could end up in court on sexual harassment charges, a guy saying it to the wrong guy would merely be labeled a “boor.”

flutherother's avatar

Whatever happened to romance?

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