Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Has something you really wanted ever been kept from you by society?

Asked by wundayatta (58321 points ) September 30th, 2010

Have you experienced an impossible love? Has there been a perfect job, but you couldn’t get it because of who you were? Have you had any kind of possible fantastic opportunity or perfect match (not just a love match) that has been denied you because it isn’t proper or acceptable or moral?

What was it?

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40 Answers

cockswain's avatar

Shitloads of money

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Here goes: Yes, marriage, because I’m gay. Let the games begin.

kenmc's avatar

Not really, now that I think about it. It’s more myself that keeps me from stuff I really want.

lillycoyote's avatar

No, not really. The only thing that has really ever kept me from the things I wanted has, sadly, been myself, an answer I now realize @boots has already submitted. :-)

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Political and economic freedom, perhaps? But since I’ve lived in the USA most of my life, I’ve learned to accept that as one of the drawbacks to living here.

woodcutter's avatar

@CyanoticWasp political and economic freedom perhaps? drawbacks? could you elaborate?

woodcutter's avatar

I am society, or at least a part of it. I’m pretty sure I can do anything/ acquire anything if I wanted it really bad enough. If I am without something I wanted I’m pretty sure it is my fault.

talljasperman's avatar

getting a drivers licence

Cruiser's avatar

Yep! Shooting clay pigeons through my sun roof doing 80 mph down state street late at night is a serious infringement on my God given abilities, rights and no….I do not need to calm down!!

crisw's avatar

Visiting places where smoking is allowed- I am very allergic to smoke.

Qingu's avatar

I want to wear a robe, instead of the whole Western pants/shirt getup. Also I want to dye my hair midnight blue.

lillycoyote's avatar

@Cruiser You are one seriously oppressed dude. Damn society’s small mindedness. I’m totally on your side except for the whole NIMBY thing, but other than that, I’m really on your side.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I want a legal gender status of ‘GNC’ – gender non conforming and no mention of my female-ness in terms of sex, anywhere, because..why should there be such a mention?

kissmesoftly's avatar

I hate wearing clothes. Totally serious, and I’m not a nudist. I just hate pants. And shoes.

cockswain's avatar

I also hate wearing pants.

lillycoyote's avatar

@kissmesoftly and @cockswain I had no idea until now, but it seems like there may be a real need for non-nudist but pants-free colonies that is yet unrealized. Who knew?

kissmesoftly's avatar

@lillycoyote Lady Gaga would be the head of the movement. I think in an interview she discussed her dislike of pants. But I really really hate shoes. They are terrible things that make my feet hurt.

MissAnthrope's avatar

My dream from high school was to join the Coast Guard. I was like 40 pounds overweight, so it seemed impossible to me, mainly because I am so unmotivated when it comes to exercise. I got down to the right weight and initiated the process with a recruiter. I got processed at MEPS, took the ASVAB (which I miraculously aced without studying), and my recruiter was over-the-moon at having snagged me as a recruit. I was pretty ecstatic about my dream coming true.

Then, they sit you down in a room with a sheet of questions and start threatening you with a 2 year jail sentence and a $200k fine if you’re caught lying on the form. The questions asked about drug history, medical history, and criminal history. There was one that asked if I’d ever been in the hospital.

I sat and pondered what to do here. I’d spent some time in hospital psych ward during my relationship with a sociopath, trying to sort my brain out and getting help. I didn’t figure I could lie because if my records got audited, hospital records can be found. So, I checked yes. Then I got pulled aside and asked why, and when I explained, the doctor said they would have to investigate and get back to me.

Even though, when I’d asked, I was told at the hospital that my diagnosis was Major Depression, some fucktard put down on my chart that I’m bipolar, which apparently immediately disqualified me. I tried to reason with the doctor, told him it was a mistake, that I’d be willing to be evaluated by as many doctors as they liked, they would quickly see the diagnosis was wrong.

It didn’t make any difference.. he kind of just shrugged. I guess they don’t care enough? Anyway, I got this horrid, condescending letter in the mail after they decided my fate that said, While we’re sure you’ll have every success in the civilian world, we’re afraid we cannot accept you… blah blah blah.

Ugh. It makes me so mad. A stupid mistake kinda broke my heart a little.

Oh, and I want gay marriage, too.

lillycoyote's avatar

@kissmesoftly I hate shoes too. If I never, ever again had to wear shoes it would make me the happiest girl on earth. I am not so dead set against pants though. I think I sort of like them, at least I know that the one reason I don’t go out into public simply wearing a shirt and leggings is that I feel that I am wandering around having forgotten to put my pants on and that makes me feel half naked and thus rather uncomfortable.

kissmesoftly's avatar

@MissAnthrope My boyfriend’s childhood dream was to join the military and guess what? He has diabetes (the one not caused by obesity) and they don’t allow diabetics into the military. I know where your coming from, even if yours was a mistake of some fucktard.

kissmesoftly's avatar

@lillycoyote eh, to me, they are just cumbersom and I happen to be one of the only women on the planet who prefers the way she looks nude than clothed. Clothes cover the fact I have a small waist and my boobs make me look chubby when I’m not. When I’m nude you can tell ;)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@MissAnthrope Ugh, I’m sorry. Their loss.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@MissAnthrope That sucks. I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, that’s actually really common – not just in the military but everywhere, to change someone’s diagnosis (usually by an unauthorized person) if they’ve spent time in a hospital. It’s this perception that those who are depressed aren’t unstable, just unhappy, and they’ll just cry and whine and then kill themselves (successfully, the first time). The hospital is (according to the stereotype) not for people with all different kinds of issues looking to get help, but only for those who are unstable and unbalanced – bipolar, borderline, histrionic (or if you’re the rare male, schizophrenic).

What drew you to the Coast Guard?

Discobitch's avatar

I think that the sabre or the rapier would be an excellent addition to my already excellent wardrobe. Unfortunately, it would bring me in trouble at every institution I enter, and people will not understand it correctly and give bad remarks.

Jaxk's avatar

“I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet.”

MissAnthrope's avatar

Thanks, guys. It’s taken me many years to heal from this and I’m still not completely over it.. after I wrote the above yesterday, I got to really thinking about it and got choked up again. So unfair and just not right, and it crushed me at the time. The words “Coast Guard” make me want to cry a little bit when I hear them. But I try to remind myself that everything happens for a reason, so maybe I would have been shipped to Iraq and died or something. Who knows.

I’ve always admired military people and the forced discipline (since I’m not so good at self-discipline) was appealing. I’ve always loved being on the water and the idea of getting to be near the coast and working on shore and on boats was really appealing. I liked the idea of getting in really good physical shape, learning to handle weapons, having a sense of purpose and feeling like I was doing something good and important, a sense of camaraderie with my fellow sailors.

Out of all the branches of the military, the Coast Guard is the only one I would consider joining. I like it because it’s small and there are so many opportunities. From what I remember, there isn’t a single job men do that women aren’t allowed to do, as well (unlike other branches, where they have restrictions based on sex). So, it seemed to me that it was more empowering to women and less restricting than the other branches. Not only that, you were allowed to train for as many jobs as you qualified for (based on the ASVAB), so you wouldn’t get stuck doing one thing for the rest of your life. I was in something ridiculous like the 98th percentile on the ASVAB (honestly, no idea how that happened, as I hadn’t been in school in years and I didn’t study) and I could have picked any jobs I wanted. There were three I was interested in right off the bat.. one was in navigation, though I can’t remember the job title now, and the other two were search & rescue and patrolling.

Anonymous231's avatar

Maybe everything worked out for the better. It could have turned out like this: http://www.stopmilitaryrape.org/winter_soldier

MissAnthrope's avatar

@Anonymous231 – Ugh… that’s horrible and really messed up. I cannot stand when a system like that prevents a sexual abuse victim from speaking out and getting justice. So completely wrong.

Joybird's avatar

You want examples. There are alot of blockades in society past, present and I will presume there will be in the future as well. There were blocks to my wearing pants starting in middle school. That I had to openly rebel in order to change that was a stressor that men didn’t have to undergo because of privilege. There were blocks to my taking certain classes in Highschool, again a matter of gender privilege. There were blocks to having the necessary tools to suceed in chemistry and physics which therefore blocked my ability to attend college for architecture. No small matter here as that no doubt had a deleterious impact on the whole of my financial history. There were blocks to my working in construction whilst my brothers who had little inclination or talent in this area were handed well paying summer employments. There have been educational blocks and continue to be educational blocks that affect what employment roles you can fill. These are a matter of some bonehead thinking that someone with a masters area in a certain field can’t be trained in the duties of a similar field without spending two years and roughly 20 grand on pedagogy. How assinine!
There are blocks wherein people are labeled in one way in their jobs whilst they perform duties that far exceed that role for the lesser wage. There are blocks to justice in America and we still have an biased legal system.There are blocks to credit for women post divorce that men don’t experience as well as blocks to credit of other minority groups.

What should I have that I am societally blocked from having: a divorce with easy split of assets without having to pay thousands of dollars; a fair wage and title for the duties I perform at work; the ability to buy and pay for housing without having to navigate what has long been an exploitative and broken mortage/banking system, and access to education for my able children without having to go bankrupt. Another words I feel I should have access to things that other people have been handed as a result of privilege by gender, class, or race.

wenwen's avatar

The only thing that has ever stopped me from doing something I wanted to do was a lack of enough money!
Thats my fault for living in ‘the now’ and not saving for a rainy day!!!!

missafantastico's avatar

I had to file as single on my taxes even though I’ve been married since July because some societies / the federal goverment / most states do not recognize gay marriage as an equal commitement.

Which by the way cost me thousands of dollars in taxes because my spouse and I could not file as a married couple and receive the related tax breaks.

So even though some societies (and states) allowed me to marry the person I love, the tyranny of the majority has essentially taxed me for being gay.

Nullo's avatar

@missafantastico More like tax breaks for married couples are to reduce the financial burden of child-rearing. Something that you can’t do, ergo no tax break.

wundayatta's avatar

Oh please, @Nullo. What kind of nonsense are you on about? Gay couples raise children all the time. That is just about one of the most ignorant things I’ve heard anyone say. I’m so surprised at you. Are you just not thinking? Or is this some ideological view of the world that ignores facts?

Jaxk's avatar

Immaculate conception used to be the purview of Gods. Now we are gods. I kinda like the sound of that.

wundayatta's avatar

Seriously, @Jaxk? Have you never heard of adoption? How about donor sperm or donor eggs? Surrogate wombs? Brave New World, indeed. But it’s been here for, oh, a least a couple of decades already. And of course it has nothing to do with Gods, since it is a real thing, not a fantasy thing.

Jaxk's avatar

Wow, lighten up. it was a joke.

wundayatta's avatar

Sorry. Couldn’t tell. I’ve heard a lot of people of your political point of view say similar things in all seriousness.

Nullo's avatar

@wundayatta I am rather of the view that they should not – which should come as no surprise to you. I realize, though, that like many such things, it does happen.

Really, Wundy, that kind of downtalk that you’re slinging about reflects poorly on you.

wundayatta's avatar

@Nullo I hear your opinion, but the fact is that they do create families that do not fit with your outdated and discriminatory ideas.

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