How does a vampire ... you know? [read details-NSFW!]?

The author made it so he could.

Popsicle sticks and duct tape.

His fangs are always hard.

Viagra like everybody else.

@lucillelucillelucille (: that was funny, haha.

Part of him was taxidermied….

A cleverly concealed series of pulleys & ropes. You know, just like old folks do it XD Only kiddin….or am I? ;¬}

Vampires don’t have intercourse, they use their minds right? They mind fuck you right?! oh Twilight vamps are different though, I guess it’s just in the script!

Hahaha, oh my god. These are all great answers (:

@Serevaetse Well we are talking about vampires & erections, there’s a lot at stake here you know XD

That’s your one problem with Twilight? LOL.

@ucme hahahaha- that’s so true!! :D

@Simone_De_Beauvoir haha, I just think it’s sorta cheesy and lame. But other than that, Kristen Stewert is a hottie

There’s a pump you can use for that kind of thing. But it’s too queasy making to think about.

Why can’t vampires stay in the caskets? Why? What did we do to deserve this?

@Serevaetse Sure, I don’t worry about her erection.

Only Bella knows!

Sparkle-dust and Deus-ex-machina.

Like @downtide said, its probably where that infamous sparkle/pixie dust comes into play.

I believe it is easily explained. They use blood from other living things and that is the blood that does their work for them. How it gets distributed around the body with no heart beat is a better question, or how sperm would be maintained (after all, she does end up pregnant).

Oh honestly. A vampire having sex? And reproducing? Really? So even after death his body either continues to produce sperm or somehow keeps viable the sperm he already has so that he can impregnate, with his flaccid little noodle, a female. (Kind of like pushing a rope uphill)
How ‘bout instead of trying to compromise on the impossible-no-matter-how-you-look-at-it logistics we all just pretend the whole series of silliness never happened and go back to 30 Days of Night? I’ll buy the popcorn.

If we were talking about Alucard here that would be a completely different story

Any quality author of a vampire novel knows that erections are impossible…just saying.

First off, twilight is a complete crap series and should NEVER be used as a reference point of anything vampire related.

I dont quite understand the blood flow thing though. Like yea, I understand they’re dead and all, but they still bleed. So is the blood just all sitting stagnant in their veins or something?

@Winters fuck yeaaaa alucard is where its at :P

Haha that’s funny, you’re asking how a vampire can technically get a boner through the standards of the normal human living being, while in such a case, I’d wonder what the hell it’s doing being ’‘alive’’ to begin with.

It really depends on what specific mythology the vampire is based on. None the less, in fiction most vampires can at least mimic what the normal human can do. Some can eat food, even if they don’t need it. Others, like in Vampire the Masquerade, have special abilities like fleshcraft which lets you do stuff like turn your face into a giant vagina, so I’m sure they can make their penis go up if they wanna. Others may use willpower…one thing to consider is the human attribute often associated with vampires in fiction. There are two major things that I can see; power and lust/love. Which, usually, go together in this case, anyway.

With the first, a vampire is basically a super human; but prettier, stronger, with all sorts of powers and crap, and some limitations so it doesn’t become Superman. I believe that this is the ’‘evolution’’ of the fictional vampire through entertainment, from when it started as a monster to be feared, rather than a thing to want to be. Count Orlok VS Lestat, for example.

Lust and love portrays the sexy vampire, again Lestat, or Dracula’s hold over Mina. I guess Edward is in there too. More commonly, a vampire is a very charming being, which either uses sexual deception to survive, or defines its existence through remorse by remembering its existence as a happy human abruptly ended by tragedy and professed by sin, and finally being all translated into some sappy romantic tragedy. (Drac seeing his dead wife through Mina.)

Considering this, it’s a very prominent aspect in vampire tales, a good example I’d give for a vampire to ’‘sexually survive’’ is the story The Unicorn Tapestry, which involves a vampire basically charming his psychologist into fucking him.

See, vampire bodily functions, limitations and abilities are barely ever explained in anything, because the vampire is born of symbolism, and uses this to paint itself as a concept, at least through entertainement.
It would be very interesting to see a vampire story go further, and maybe there is one, but for the most part, you can’t really look at it this way. Can a vampire walk naked through the North Pole? Probably. Maybe not. But seeing as where the vampire is from, which I believe is the human mind and its ’‘what if’’ scenarios when it comes to strong emotions, (Despite the genre being relegated to bullshit in modern times.) stuff like a vampire’s chemistry is very secondary.

So whether its power, lust or love or all three put together, I can at least suggest that, since sex is often a great part of a vampire’s spectrum if you will, in order for it to keep on surviving, having a boner probbaly isn’t much of a problem for him.

Yes, he is hard all the time.
No, it isn’t from sexual lust.
It’s rigor mortis.

They aren’t real. Vampire boners just don’t exist. Bella just wants to show off. Ever hear someone make an impossible claim, when bragging to her/his friends?

@Trillian , hear, hear!

@YARNLADY Gee. Thanks for ruining the ending for me.

@breedmitch It’s a poorly written YA novel. One could assume where the story was going.

@breedmitch I thought about putting a spoiler warning on it, but this book is old enough now that I decided against it. When is it no longer necessary? Would I need a spoiler if I said Romeo and Juliette both die?

@YARNLADY aw thanks a lot! I was only on the third act.

Damnit @YARNLADY ! Now I’ll never finish it! Next your gonna tell me that Joanna Eberhart in “The Stepford Wives” turns into a robot at the end of the book?

I don’t know what is going to be worse, the vampire craze and having to explain sex or angels being the new craze and having to explain sex with them? It’s all very disturbing.

BTW, I think you are awesome, Yarnlady. =)

@ZAGWRITER Wait, you had to explain sex to an angel? It must not be the one Mary hooked up with.

Wait a minute, Mary had sex with an angel? Holy crap sauce Batman! (looking back on the angels part of my response, it might not have been properly presented =p)

Lol, stop it please, I can’t breathe!

@YARNLADY How long? Well obviously somewhere between two and 413 years.
And it’s spelled Juliet. Please turn in your Mensa card.

Hahahaha, thanks for all the input, guys. (: Hope this was fun for everyone!!!

Still say, Bella would only know the answer to your question.

@BoBo1946 Hahahaha, yeah I should ask her, huh?

@Serevaetse yeah, tell me what the “old girl” says!

@breedmitch Thank Goodness correct spelling is not on the eligibility test for Mensa.

Haha, okay. The ‘Twilight’ Vampires you are talking about CAN get erections and ejaculate. This is something along the lines of what Stephanie Meyers said;

‘The normal reactions of arousal are still present in vampires, made possible by venom-related fluids that cause tissues to react similarly as they do to an influx of blood (Erection. Like with vampire skin—which looks similar to human skin and has the same basic function—fluids closely related to seminal fluids still exist in male vampires, which carry genetic information and are capable of bonding with a human ovum.’

http://stepheniemeyer.com/bd_faq.html <= That the link to it, you may want to read it because she has a wayyyyyyy longer version of it. (Scroll a few paragraphs down) Hope that helped? :)

The fact is, vampires are constantly aroused and males have a permanent erection. They usually figure out a way to tie it down, some wear dance belts, the more retro vamps wear codpieces, I’ve heard there are other methods…

What?! The only reason male vampires suck blood is to pump it into their manhood! So yeah, they have blood. Vampirisim is what to old times as Viagraism is to modern times…

haha (:

@Serevaetse Thanks, finally someone appreciated my answer…

Eww hes cold
i dont want a cold D… you know.

DICK. Be a man! Say it!

I’d be far more concerned about the temperature factor of Edward, be like having sex in the fridge!