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Yehoshua's avatar

I feel like I'm avoiding myself. How do I confront myself?

Asked by Yehoshua (17points) January 25th, 2011

I’ve been in relationships for most of the last 7 years. Whenever I’m not in one; I distract myself with friends I don’t really enjoy being around, books, movies, TV, internet, or I just sleep a lot. I feel like I’m avoiding the only thing that can actually make me happy, which is myself. At least, that’s what everyone says. I don’t know how to make myself happy, though. It’s not as if I’m actually happier when in a relationship. I’ve never been with a girl who could keep up with me, mentally. I’ve just always been distracted while in a relationship, if that makes sense. I’m tired of looking for happiness in others. Even my friends are disappointing. All I have is me and I want to figure out how to make the most of it. I’m starting at a community college in the fall to get started on my career and all that, but even that doesn’t excite me. I’m not interested in always having money and things, if I can’t be happy when I get them. Yes, I’ve seen a therapist and been on medication, but those can’t cure perspective. I feel like if I were dumb, I’d be happy, but I’m too aware to be pacified by the massive melancholy stupidity of this culture. This may seem to have gone off topic, but it’s still the question of happiness. If it’s inside me instead of outside, how do I find it?

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8 Answers

AmWiser's avatar

What a loaded question. I’m sure you will get some interesting answers.
Welcome to Fluther.

Arbornaut's avatar

Grow a set? No serious, drop some acid and lock yourself in the bathroom with just you, a pack of smokes, a bottle of your choice, and the mirror. Enjoy

6rant6's avatar

The most high powered women I know are single – and not all by choice. You just haven’t looked around enough.

lovespurple's avatar

I feel like this too sometimes. I’m sure everyone feels like this at times it’s just no one has put it into words like you have so it seems like a lot.

Like you, I’ve been in relationships back to back forever it seems..

Unlike you however, I’ve learned that when I do feel like that, I just need to face it. I actually isolate myself more until it just slaps me in the face and I get sick of it. Then, I’m motivated to make a change and it goes away. Just be patient. You said you were starting at a community college so how old are you? Young, around my age I presume. I’ll quote myself from another question “not a teenager, not yet an adult, on the cusp of figuring out who you are.. 10 shades of suck is what it is”. In other words, it’s just life and you’re not alone.

Think of that when you feel like this, it might help. Forcing yourself to be with people you aren’t really connecting with isn’t going to help. It may be hard, but what I think you really need to do is find time in your day to just turn off everything, music, tv, cellphone, put away books, magazine, anything that you have to apply yourself to. And just go take a walk. I think it’ll help clear your head. It might take time, but hopefully within the next few days of taking walks you can have a clearer head to start making decisions again on who you are. You should never have to depend on other people for happiness. If none of this helps try.. not medication, but you can go to vitamin stores to find supplements for serotonin synthesis. I take 5-HTP (hydroxytryptophan). Hope this helps. If it didn’t, I’m sorry and I hope you find someone with a better answer..

stardust's avatar

If you’re feeling like you’d really like to get to know yourself, for want of a better description, it might be helpful to see a therapist to help you along that journey.
It’s entirely true that happiness is an inside job. I’d suggest meditation if you don’t already do this. Also, you could find a yoga class. It might be a good opportunity to meet like-minded people. Inner contentment/peace is an ongoing thing and life will always try to keep you on your toes if you like.
I think @lovespurple has given you some good suggestions.

blueiiznh's avatar

as @lovespurple know you are not alone. It is ok to reflect on it in order to kick start yourself and not be bored, but don’t stay in that down place too long.
You may someday find an outisde person that can challenge you in that way, but you have to be happy with you and the inside part first. It is not healthy to seek it in others and the fact you recognize it is great.
Now the do something part. See out things that you have passion for and never stop learning about things that spark an interest. Find more passions and embark on finding places you can share that passion with others. Its ok to be all over the place on your likes, interests and passions. Immerse yourself in it all seeing you stated that you feel others cant keep up with you.
Then make sure you take quiet time, place, space to reflect on it all and be grateful to yourself for the person and talent you have. Center yourself in something trhat works for you. Try various centering things too.
Some of the centering ones can be some of the most productive activities too.
The blance will come in the energy you get from the centering and the things you find that you immerse yourself in. This is the best way of confronting yourself and not avoiding yourself in my opinion.
When you find yourself and happy with yourself and all you are, others will see it also and you can enjoy them in that mutual activity and not feel like you are only seeking others out for a boredom fix.
Enjoy the Journey!
And this falls right into one of my favorite quotes and one that helped me through these kind of times.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
~by Marianne Williamson

Rarebear's avatar

I find yelling at myself in the mirror is a great way to confront myself.

YARNLADY's avatar

When opportunity and desire coincide, you will find what you are seeking.

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