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chelle104's avatar

My son is in Prison...How can I help him?

Asked by chelle104 (272points) March 13th, 2011

Can anyone tell me what the single most important thing I can do for my son? What should I write, what should I send, How can I help him to find his own way,and stop the nonsense?

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11 Answers

Kardamom's avatar

It kind of depends upon what he did, why he comitted the crime in the first place, and if he feels remorse for what he did, and if truly wants to make amends and to become a better person. Can you give us more details?

I have a little bit of insight, because my best friend’s daughter was in prison for 4 years (the 2nd time around). PM me if you want to hear a little bit about that situation.

Jeruba's avatar

the single most important thing? i think it’s to let go of trying to take care of him and instead let him experience the pain and the learning that this consequence has for him. detach with love.

flutherother's avatar

Keep visiting and let him know you care. What he did doesn’t matter. Keep him informed about what is going on in your life. The mother and son bond is very strong, it has to be, it supports the whole world.

KateTheGreat's avatar

My father was in prison for the longest time. The best things to send him are books, puzzles, things to pass time. Also, money is ALWAYS a must. To live a comfortable life in prison, money is essential. You should write him a lot of letters and try to keep him company as much as possible. You can never give too much love :) But if you don’t want to send him things to make his time more comfortable, you should just write to him and give him as much support as you can. Try to look around for opportunities he can take on after he gets out. No matter what his offense was, it’s best to just keep him very busy and not enable him.

chelle104's avatar

It is all about his drinking….....too many close calls, the judge it tired of him being a danger on the road. It’s so very hard for me. Yes, the mother son bond is the strongest I have ever know. I want to love and support him, not lecture. I want him to recover through love…thank all of you for you help. I need you all right now.

KateTheGreat's avatar

@chelle104 We’re here for you, hun. I really hope everything does get better :) Stay strong!

Kardamom's avatar

@chelle104 You might want to contact your local chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) to see what kind of advice they can give you. It sounds like you did love and support him and not lecture him, but he went ahead and drank and drove anyway. Sounds like he needs some “tough love” and a chance to learn how his crime and his addiction could have potentially devastated a family.

chelle104's avatar

Devastation? Yes, It’s been so very hard on me and on him I’m sure….and yet, I want a better life for him….......a great idea to conact MADD. Just can’t do the tough love thing….I work only through love only. I can’t do anything else.

Berserker's avatar

I’m told that the biggest enemy in prison is boredom and solitude. Don’t quote me, but this isn’t the first time I hear that reading in prison really helps. Maybe send him some books, the types you know he enjoys, if he’s a reader. Or maybe books concerning his problem. It’s up to you how to go about it, but I’d strongly suggest books if jail is as boring as I’m told.

Adagio's avatar

I have to go with the suggestion @Jeruba made, Al-Anon is for those whose lives are affected by the alcohol consumption of others.

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