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BBree1218's avatar

Is it selfish to NOT consider loved ones in your life decisions?

Asked by BBree1218 (1points) April 28th, 2011

I am well aware that everyone has the right to, and the agency, to making their own decisions about life. Everyone should make their own decisions. However, some choices we make, not everyone agrees with, least of all loved ones. People might say, “It’s my life and my choices, and I don’t care what others think of them.” What about your loved ones? Are they not affected by your life decisions in some way or another, because they love you? I can see someone saying, No they are not, but we can’t tell our loved ones to not care about us anymore? More over, sometimes they are directly affected by our decisions. Is it selfish to not at least consider them in your choices? To consider how they may feel about it, and for some decisions, how this may or may not affect them in the long run?

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7 Answers

trailsillustrated's avatar

depends how much these decisions will affect the lives of said loved ones

Coloma's avatar

We are all effected and effect others whether we intend to or not.

I think that being as ‘evolved’ as we can become in any love relationship ( short of dependent children whose needs and well being are tantamount to adults selfish desires ) means wanting what your beloved wants, and having the courage, maturity and grace to NEVER hold someone back from their path, whatever it is.

This sometimes means letting go and freeing the other to their choices in a pure and alturistic manner.

Easier said than done because I’d speculate that less than about ½ % of human beings can really grasp this concept of truly ‘selfless’ ‘love’.

Hey, if you think you NEED to do something, be with another, move, change, grow, fly to the freakin’ moon..who am I to hold you back! :-)

lillycoyote's avatar

Yes. You have a right to control your own destiny but I think the very definition of selfishness is basically that you consider only your own needs, wants and desires and how your decisions affect only you and not consider how they might affect others. Isn’t it, isn’t that basically the definition of selfishness?

derekfnord's avatar

The needs and views of loved ones should be a factor, but just a factor. I think prioritizing your own needs and views below theirs, at least on decisions that will greatly impact your life, is a recipe for unhappiness. Obviously, the ideal whenever possible would be to find ways to accomodate your loved ones in ways that don’t require you to disregard your own needs.

global_nomad's avatar

No, it’s not selfish but you can and should consider their feelings and how your decision will impact them, but not for the purpose of changing your decision. You need to consider how they will be affected so that you can deal with that and make it easier for them. In the end, though, they’re your decisions about your life and I don’t think you should change what you want because of how someone else will feel. However, that doesn’t mean that you can just write off their feelings. I think of how my parents will react to my decisions but I don’t ask their permission, I just ask their acceptance. Fortunately I have a great family that supports me in all my endeavors. They never try to hold me back even though I know my mom would love for me and my sister to come back home after college. I’m sure that sentiment would only last a few months though! The way I see it, you should never try to live your life to please someone else. Not even your former self. Live the way you want to at this very moment. People change and so do their wants. If you try to conform to an old ideal, you will never be happy.

Sunny2's avatar

I think it depends on how much responsibility you have for said loved ones. You need to consider those for whom you are responsible first. By that I primarily, mean offspring. Many people are bound to stay home with their childhood family and feel trapped ever after. It’s sad. I don’t think it’s selfish to want to experience a life away from your family. It’s an expected part of growing up in many cases. Other people have no wish to go anywhere or experience anything new. And that’s fine too. The individual must decide with his/her interests coming first before family considerations. Leaving doesn’t mean a loss of contact ever again. Personal growth is a very important factor for a satisfying life for many people and I say, “Go for it!”

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