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jonsblond's avatar

How well do you trust your fellow Facebook/Fluther "friends" who don't share personal information (photos, real names)?

Asked by jonsblond (43668points) May 23rd, 2011

Do you friend any Flutherites on Facebook who don’t share their real name or any photographs of themself?

If you do friend them, how much do you share with them, and how well do you trust these people with your personal information?

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56 Answers

_zen_'s avatar

That’s a really good question. I, for one, do not share any personal information or photos. I am friends with some here on facebook – but even there I don’t share anything personal. I have, to a very select few, given more information about my personal life, a photo or two – and even my voice and poems and songs. I can count them on two or three fingers.

On the other hand, I don’t ask anything from anyone. I don’t ask for a real name or even age or picture. In some cases, it can be months til I’m sure of the exact sex of the person.

So at least I’m not hypocritical that way. Do people trust me even though they may not know my name/face? First off – I don’t really care – and second, after posting over a thousand questions and writing thousands of posts – I think one can decide what they think about me based on what I’ve written. For good and for bad.

I like to think of fluther as a special place. I feel close to a few jellies, and some of them I would gladly meet in person. Until then – I just think of them as jelly-buddies – not really thinking too much about what I “really” know about them.

tinyfaery's avatar

I trust about 7 people on this site, and they are also my facebook friends. So, I guess I don’t trust anyone who I don’t know more about that a fluther username.

wundayatta's avatar

Trust? What does trust have to do with it? I mean, it’s pretty low expectation. I trust people to read my shit… or not, depending on whether they want to or not. I trust people not to attack me with words.

Wundayatta will friend anyone who he figure out who they are on fluther. But Wundy is never on Facebook much. Doesn’t understand what good it is.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Even if they don’t share much on FB or not use their names..if they’re FB friends of mine, then I have found out enough to trust them with all of my personal photos and information. That’s why I only have 145 FB friends, they include all my actual living breathing friends (fluther friends included). And that’s why, sadly, I have to say no to so many other flutherites wanting to be my friend on FB.

jonsblond's avatar

@zen Don’t you think a young woman would have more to be concerned about than say a man of any age really? I personally know of some women who have been hurt by predators on the internet by trusting someone they didn’t know anything about.

_zen_'s avatar

@jonsblond Not sure what you read into what I wrote, dear. I was talking about myself only.

Should a young girl be careful on facebook? Of course – and I realy hope my teen daughter is. She should only friend who she knows in real life.

jonsblond's avatar

@zen My response to you was based on your comment about not asking about age, real name or a picture. If a woman friends someone who claims to be a teenager here at Fluther, but won’t share their real name or any photos, this person can very well be a pervert. That’s why I ask about trusting these people who don’t share this type of personal information and how willing you are to trust them with your personal information if you don’t really know who they are.

yankeetooter's avatar

I respect their right to privacy…some people don’t like to share things as much on the internet…and I’m okay with that…

Blueroses's avatar

I have good reasons for limiting what I share in social networks. I have only 30 FB friends and if we’ve become close enough, I’ll share more personal details. If somebody else wants to keep private, I assume their reasons are as valid as mine.

Cruiser's avatar

I really don’t trust anyone on the internet 100% I hate to say. I still hold hope someday I will meet someone who can restore my faith in cyber strangers. XD

creative1's avatar

Can’t say I want to share my personal info on here since I find this a place to give advice and get advice on issues that bother you that you may not want people who know you personally to necessarily to know. I would rather stay anonmous and that way I can remain uncensored about what I say, I like it that way. If you become a figure that people can recognize out in the real world you would have to worry if a job or client was going to read what you wrote and sometimes it doesn’t look too professional.

As far as facebook goes don’t use it and never plan to.

Coloma's avatar

I’m a free spirited, transparent type. In real life as well as here.
My ‘real’ name is “Laurie.’ My avatar name is the town I live in. The Lotus/Coloma river valley in the Sierra Nevada foothills.

My ‘face’, is my face, and I for one, like to match faces with words. I am aware not everyone feels comfortable with sharing these things, but for me…meh..what’s the worst that could happen?

I defy GPS…go ahead, try to find my secret house in these hills…good luck with that! lolol

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I am not a big fan of FB and rarely go there.
On fluther,I have friends that do know my real name,where I live and that my avatars are me.
I have met two jellies.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, Facebook was deleted awhile ago. Too shallow of relating for me.

wundayatta's avatar

Fluther is my place to talk about things I can not talk about elsewhere. Things that are not appropriate for my children or parents, or wife for that matter.

Any facebook friends I make under this identity are to use facebook as a way to do whatever it is that facebook does that fluther cannot do. So far, it hasn’t been very useful.

I want to keep a firewall of sorts between my life here and my life at home. To announce my real name and to show my real face would blow that firewall into dust. People don’t need to trust me. If they want to friend me, they know my fluther identity and that’s it. That works for me.

Kardamom's avatar

I only converse on Facebook with my relatives and a few close friends that I know personally. I occasionaly PM folks here on Fluther, and I don’t know any of their real names or Faces, but none of us needs to (unless they want to) share any of that personal information. You can still have valid conversations without people without knowing who you really are (I mean that strictly with Fluther, I wouldn’t trust other sites) because if there are any problems, the mods can help you out.

I do believe that young women, especially, need to be a lot more cautious online. I only say this because of the large amount of problems that I’ve read about here (posted by young women in trouble) on Fluther. Young people in general, seem to not worry enough or pay enough attention about what info they are giving out to total strangers. Names, cities, addresses, ages, birthdates, phone numbers, names of family members, schools, photos should not be shared with strangers. You should also not tell people where you are going to be. I keep trying to explain to some of my younger (and older) relatives that they should never say beforehand that they are going to be out of town. That is just an invitation to have your house robbed, or to have a stalker show up where you said you’re going to be.

But I see these things and worse every day on this site and others, many young people just don’t seem to be aware of the potential dangers. People also don’t seem to realize that even if you just post some info to your friends, those people can inadvertently or on purpose share and spread your information.

_zen_'s avatar

@jonsblond If a woman friends someone who claims to be a teenager here at Fluther, but won’t share their real name or any photos, this person can very well be a pervert. That’s why I ask about trusting these people who don’t share this type of personal information and how willing you are to trust them with your personal information if you don’t really know who they are.

I don’t know why a young woman would friend someone based on fluther, frankly. Like I said: I hope my daughter, and all young women, only “friend” – on facebook, people they know in real life. I hate facebook, btw.

Here, on fluther, we’re just asking and answering questions. We are supposed to be over 13, but other than that there are no rules. I could be a 13 year old girl.

I’ll repeat, I decide who I spend time with talking to – and very quickly get to know someone from their posts – male, female and age. It’s easy once you’ve been here for a few years. I don’t have to trust anyone, as daloon said, it’s just fluther.

SuperMouse's avatar

I have some Fluther friends as Facebook friends as well. I only accept friend requests from jellies who use a real name and at the same time tell me their Fluther username. I also only tend to friend jellies I feel like I click with.

wundayatta's avatar

@zen If daloon (RIP) were in town, would you have invited him to have dinner with you? Knowing he was a pervert? And if you had, would he have accepted? Hmm.

_zen_'s avatar

Yes, and yes. And didn’t you want to change that new nick anyway – I never did get used to wunday…

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I am friends with a few jellies on facebook. I typically keep it to the jellies I interact with the most, who I can’t imagine doing anything nefarious with my RL info.

wundayatta's avatar

@zen I would like to change it, but not backwards. I need something new to go forwards. Something that reflects who I am not. But I’m not putting any energy into it because, as you know, I’d have to sign up again, and I don’t want to start over again.

MilkyWay's avatar

I trust a couple of jellies here who have my Facebook. I think I know them enough to know they wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I share my real details but not my photos.

dxs's avatar

Not a lot.

laineybug's avatar

I don’t trust people a lot, everything I think you need to know about me is in my story. If I like you and trust you, I might tell you more about myself. I don’t share pictures mostly because at times I look younger than I am, but also because I don’t want to be able to be recognized.

augustlan's avatar

I’m an open book, and a pretty trusting person by nature. I’m FB friends with a lot of jellies, and a few of those do use pseudonyms on FB. Of those, I know most of their real names anyway, just not through FB. I understand the need for some to keep this world and their ‘real’ world from colliding, and it doesn’t cause me to trust them any less (or more). Maybe I’m incredibly naive, but I just don’t feel like anyone I’m close enough to here, would use my information on FB to my detriment.

That said, @laineybug is my youngest daughter. Her father and I have taught her (and her sisters) to be very wary online. As they become adults, I’m sure they’ll relax some of those privacy barriers, but as long as they are children they should only friend people they know personally.

breedmitch's avatar

I think if you won’t share at least a photo of yourself on Facebook, then you must be really ugly, and I’m not going to be friends with any ugly people.

Coloma's avatar


I’ll assume you are joking, otherwise, I’ll assume you are very shallow, evil comes to mind. :-/

cookieman's avatar

‘bout as far as I can throw them.

choreplay's avatar

We are the cumulative of many things, not just photo or names but things we say, opinions we have and how we respond to other people (other jellies). As I have said in the past the connection we make over the internet is strange, it is very intellectual and emotional while being casual and as disposable as the ease of flipping an on/off switch. It’s a paradox in how shallow it is but yet can forces us to relate on those plains. I find freedom in anonymity, although I have surrendered disclosure many times.

I will do all I can to be nothing short of real, to the point of it being a detriment. I hope I never represent myself as being anything as far less than perfect.

I wouldn’t say half of what I say here on facebook. On facebook, I feel very boxed in. Guess that doesn’t say much about my representation of myself to the real world. In some ways I know people here better.

So to answer the question, do I trust my veiled Jellies, yes I do. I trust them to be exactly who they are without inhibition. Whether we rub each other wrong or share similar opinions. I respect and appreciate those I clash with, in broadening my mind and awareness of other vantage points, as well as those I agree with.

Regarding the concern of perverts or other sick people, if someone is pretending I don’t think it will take long for their nature and intent to shine through. I would hope that all the younger women on here would be able to discern someone’s actions and words. I always suspected Zen to be a 13 year old girl, lol, not really.

Your_Majesty's avatar

Only my family (some) and my dear friends know my personal information on the internet. I’ve been educated not to share my personal information to people on the internet (It’s well known that most people on the internet are bad people and could use your personal information for something bad). It doesn’t take a photo or real name to trust someone (unless you’re on dating sites) it takes honesty and time.

Buttonstc's avatar

Due to a very negative experience in the past, I’ve made the decision that my online life and my real life are better off remaining totally separate.

“East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet. ” sums it up nicely for me.

Through this previous experience I’ve realized that in real life I tend to be far too trusting and optimistic. That’s generally not a good way to be on the Internet. It’s two different kinds of worlds and I’m fine with keeping a separation in place.

So, I guess my attitude is similar to Zen in that I don’t ask for personal info from anybody else since I’m not that inclined to provide my own. I think that’s fair. If others don’t want to trust me because I’m only a SN both here and on Facebook, that’s their right and it doesn’t bother me and won’t make me change my mind. I really hardly ever use FB anyhow as it’s basically pretty pointless to my everyday life. But I don’t really have any big impetus to delete my acct. either.

So that’s pretty much it for me.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve never had an issue with or fluther buddies on my personal fb yet and it’s been a few years now. I’m not sure what they could do with my real name or pics that are posted though.

lillycoyote's avatar

Interesting question. I am on facebook under my real name and I believe I have only friended one person from fluther on FB but that was because we talked about it and it didn’t seem to big problem but, about a third of my friends on facebook are people from, most of us friends under our real names. It just kind of happened that way, when dissolved and I never really though twice about it, except for a couple of people. I have never thought about fluther people this way, it has never come up except the one time. I have never asked to friend someone from fluther on FB under my real name and no one has ever asked me so it’s just never come up and I’m not sure how I’d feel about it, to be honest.

augustlan's avatar

@Coloma @breedmitch is definitely joking. He is also very handsome. :)

Jude's avatar

I don’t.

Jude's avatar

You can set your Facebook to private, to where people other than those on your friend’s list can’t see your beautiful/handsome mug. So, why not post a photo?

Blueroses's avatar

@Jude Because FB privacy controls are imperfect. My friend started a new FB account to separate from other and I had absolutely nothing in common with his new acct. but it showed up in my sidebar in “people you might know” within minutes of his creating it.

I have to protect myself and my friends from a stalker who makes my social network life miserable. The last FB I had was set to highest privacy and it only took this guy 4 days to find me through a newsfeed on the wall of a friend who did not have hers set private.

Jude's avatar

@Blueroses I am really sorry to hear that.

Kardamom's avatar

@Blueroses is correct. You can keep your own FB account “private”, so only your friends can see it, but your friends, who can see your account, can show it to anybody and everybody. And the newsfeed will usually show up on other people’s FB pages simply because some one on your friends list knows someone else. It’s kind of insidious.

Lately I’ve been getting friend requests from total strangers, even though my privacy settings are only set for friends. It’s because those strangers see something on one of my friends pages, like a comment that I’ve posted.

Blueroses's avatar

Exactly @Kardamom If you comment on a friend’s post, it shows up on the walls of their friends… if they also comment, it goes out to all of their friends… etc. I can’t ask the entire world to accommodate my concerns, so it’s just more practical to have a FB account that doesn’t reveal any private information.

Nimis's avatar

Friending on Facebook as a means of measuring trust? That’s an interesting concept. (Being serious. Not sarcastic.)

Seeing as how I don’t really use Facebook, this is all theoretical. Yes, there are a handful of jellies that I would trust with access to RL pictures and information—if I actually used Facebook. I still haven’t friended my husband or several close RL friends. (They joined after I had already ditched FB.)

I do share personal information with the few jellies I’ve connected with—as it comes up. I’m really not a fan of this insta-plop, getting-to-know-you stuff. It’s just feels weird and unnatural to me.

jonsblond's avatar

@Nimis Thank you for answering. It’s so good to see you spending more time here again. =)
I have always been a very private person. When I started my Facebook account almost two years ago, it was mostly for adding friends and people I’ve come to like here at Fluther. Then my mom found me at Facebook and many more friends and relatives. The reasons why I use Facebook have changed over the past two years. I use it for sharing photos of the family and sharing information about my children and what is going on in our life.

The private part of me hid for a bit when I first joined and I became an open book. Now I want to be more selective and share my personal experiences with those I trust in my life. If someone from Fluther wants to be my friend on Facebook, I want to know it is someone I can trust to not share my photos and personal information elsewhere. It makes it harder to trust someone if they don’t share their own personal information with me. This is why I asked the question. It’s hard enough trusting those who do share personal information. Just yesterday I noticed a mutual friend share a Facebook status of another mutual friend on a site not related to Facebook. The friend’s real name and profile pic were clearly visible. Some people may not mind this, but what I put on Facebook is for friends and family, and I would be very upset if I found my real name and picture posted somewhere else.

I’m really not a fan of this insta-plop, getting-to-know-you stuff. It’s just feels weird and unnatural to me.

That’s what my problem has been. It wasn’t in my nature to be like that, but I did it anyway. I’ll admit, I’m glad I’ve gotten to know some jellies through Facebook. I do consider many of them friends and would welcome them into my home. But now I want a bit of my privacy back. I had a few friendship requests from people who don’t use a picture or real name and it just makes me feel a bit uneasy sharing my life with them.

plethora's avatar

@Coloma Same here re deleting FB. It’s a good place to keep up with people you do not care to know.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

On Facebook, I wonder what they’re hiding. On Fluther, I usually assume they’re more honest and open about who they are if they don’t share their names/photos publicly on here…

I’m sure I’m projecting, though.

On Facebook, I use my real name. People who know me personally are on there. I know they’re there. I have a certain comfort level with people on Facebook, otherwise I wouldn’t have them on my list. That includes people I have on there I don’t know personally. I trust them to know my real identity and things I am willing to associate with my true identity… like the schools I’ve attended, my last name, who my family is, who my friends in real life are, etc.

On Fluther, I want to share plenty of thoughts that I feel I might be judged for by people who know me. Not sharing my photos or my name publicly on here helps me do this.

plethora's avatar

Who trusts Facebook about anything?

AnonymousWoman's avatar

My friends and acquaintances on Facebook aren’t Facebook. ;)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Wow, I can’t believe I used to have 145 FB friends…over the past couple of months I’ve been trying to get that number to 95 and have succeeded…less fluther friends on FB now, as well…

RareDenver's avatar

You’re all out to get me but don’t worry, I’ve got my foil hat!

SABOTEUR's avatar

How well should you trust anyone online?

It’s not stated nearly enough, but if you practice a policy of never revealing anything online that could potentially harm or embarrass you, trust will never be an issue.

28lorelei's avatar

I share photos, but few, if any are of me. Most of them are related to various places I have been to, and I only share them with my friends.
The reason why I maintain anonymity is because of incidents such as this:

BeenThereSaidThat's avatar

not as far as I can throw them. I’m not on Face Book because I’m a private person who keeps my private life private. I don’t even open up much to my own family who are all on facebook and are always pestering me to join.

In places like Fluther and others I would never never never give any personal information about myself ever! I was a member of another social website where I saw really nice people get tormented and harassed by certain members who knew their way around computers and computer sites. tormenting people they didn’t like at home, work and calling them out by name on other sites to bully.

Even taking pictures these people posted of themselves and superimposing them into not nice things.

Being a member of that website for many years really opened my eyes to how mean people with time to kill can be.

Cruiser's avatar

I love seeing old thread pop-up but it is always bitter sweet to see the avis of old good friends who are no longer here. :(

rd21's avatar

I dont trust because In my opinion they are hiding their Identity their will be some reason behind it. if you are clean show me your picture.

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