Always believe a guy or a man who says, “I’m not good for you.” When they say that it means that they don’t feel the same way about you and will ultimately break your heart if you attempt to be with them. Plus the fact that he said he isn’t coming back makes it 100% clear that this relationship is not meant to be. I’m so sorry for that. It’s an awful thing to realize, but now that you know how it is, you have to change the way you do things to help yourself to move forward.
The first thing to do, is acknowledge to yourself (and to anyone else you may have told, like your folks or your friends etc) that the relationship is over, out loud. Then give yourself a limited time to cry and scream and feel sucky about it. I wouldn’t waste more than 2 weeks on this part, because otherwise you’ll be holding yourself back indefinitely. That is where I went wrong, in my youth, when I lost who I thought was the love of my life. I let my grief and (yes, anger) linger for months and months. DO NOT DO THAT!
Do not give this situation more time or importance than it deserves. It was a sweet, loving romance that didn’t work out. Do not make it more than that or else you will not be able to move forward.
Then set some goals for yourself, and decide upon what you are going to do next. What I mean by that, is that you have to do something else rather than just sitting around languishing in agony over this situation. You can’t change the facts of what happened, so you have to change the way you react to the situation.
If you have any mementos from this fellow, whether it be something he gave you or wrote to you, or any photographs, pack up this stuff in a box and put it away (you don’t have to throw it away, although some people do find it cathartic to burn all of the stuff in a little goodbye ritual). But if you don’t want to burn it, then pack it up and put it away, in the attic or the basement, somewhere where you know it’s still there, but you won’t have to look at the stuff every day. Put it someplace slightly inconvenient, so that you can avoid the temptation to drag it out. I have a box like that that has been in my attic for 30 years and I have never looked at it since it went up there. That is the goal, to not look at it, but you still have the comfort of knowing that it (a small piece of your life) is still there, but it doesn’t need to smack you in the face everyday.
Then delete his contact info from your phone, your phone book, your e-mail, your FB and any other place you had a contact for him.
Next start writing out a list of goals and activities that are of interest to you, or that you think you might like to try, but never really considered. This part of your recovery is to get you to change the way you actually do things. Changing the way you do things, will eventually get your mind to put this situation in the back of your head, instead of in front of your face. These activities will also get you up and about, instead of just sitting in your house re-living the pain over and over again. These activities will also get you to interact with people, male and female, that may become great friends and will give you something else to think about, besides your ex-boyfriend.
First on your list should be some activities that force you to get outside and get some exercise and fresh air (every day!) Walking is my favorite every day activity. Plan to get out of the house and walk for at least an hour, it’s best if you can get a walking buddy, it’s a lot more fun that way. Never walk alone in an isolated area though, and never walk after dark. Let your folks know when and where you are going. Then mix it up a little bit. I don’t know where you live, but plan to walk in places that are enjoyable to you.
Beyond that, make a list of all sorts of things that you would like to try (and then do a little research on how and where you will be able to do these things, hopefully for free or at minimal cost) Here’s some ideas: photography, take a few classes, learn to paint or draw, if you know how to cook plan to cook a full meal for your family at least once a week, try new recipes, make some cakes for some of your elderly neighbors, if you don’t know how to cook either sign up for some cooking courses, or have a friend or relative teach you the basics, join a hiking or walking group, get together with some friends and at least one adult to go on a camping trip, plan a short trip to a neighboring town and do some sightseeing, learn to do needlework, plan to volunteer at the food bank, or soup kitchen or animal shelter or the library, plant a flower or vegetable or herb garden in your yard, learn how to can vegetables or make preserves, check out some of the local museums or art galleries, plan a picnic for a small group of your friends, plan a potluck luncheon for a group of your relatives, plan a block party for your neighbors, offer to clean or mow the lawn for some of your elderly relatives or do some small errands for them, try some new sports, go ice skating or roller blading with some friends, start writing the “great American novel” or take a writing course, etc. etc. etc.
Make a list, starting today, and put at least 100 things on that list. Then start researching the logistics of how you can get started with some of all of these things. And make sure you get up and out and about and do some walking, every single day, starting today.
The only way to change the way you think about things (and subsequently how you feel about them) is to change what you do, and how you do it. It’s not a magic bullet and you might have setbacks, but just keep moving forward and your pain will subside. You will never forget this fellow, and you don’t need to, but don’t let the “memory” drag you down or rule your life. Get up and go live your life. Good luck and have a good journey : )
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