General Question

ambermarie183's avatar

Is name calling in fights really wrong?

Asked by ambermarie183 (26points) June 19th, 2011

My boyfriend calls me horrible names when we fight. Whore, bitch, fucking bitch.. I think it’s horrible. He’s got me into the habit of occasionally calling him a jerk, douche bag, and asshole. I don’t think it’s right that either of us speak to each other in that way. But my question is, how can I stop him from doing it, because I can control it but I don’t think he can. What should I say to him? Is name calling in fights a terrible thing to do or is it pretty common?

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24 Answers

TexasDude's avatar

Just dump him already.

chyna's avatar

This is not a healthy relationship. He is controlling, from your last question and treats you badly. Why do you want to stay with him? You can find someone who will treat you better and should.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Yeah, it’s wrong. It doesn’t speak to the disagreement in the first place, and for another, excuse me, whore? Really? Name-calling shows a fundamental lack of respect. DTMFA.

cookieman's avatar

Criticize the behavior, not the person. Someone may do something stupid, but calling them stupid solves nothing. Name calling is never warranted.

However, in this instance, I’m willing to make an exception. Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole. Dump him yesterday.

zenvelo's avatar

We told you in your last question, dump this guy. He is abusive, insulting, and dangerous. Name calling is not alright.

Why would you want to be around someone who would call you that?

_zen_'s avatar

I’m with @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard – thank god for the @ sign.

You have a problem with low self-esteem. You find it okay for someone close to you to call you some of the worst curses I’ve seen, and, you have no qualms about using them either. It hurts both ways, right? Right. Why? Because when he calls you names, it hurts – and when you call him names, it means you are with someone, out of the billions out there, that you think these things of him. Which says more about you than anything.

I wouldn’t be with someone who has that little resepct for me; I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I think so little of.

Sunny2's avatar

It’s childish, disrespectful and stupid. I wouldn’t put up with it. It’‘s time to be an adult yourself and move on. Remember, whoever loses his/her temper loses the fight. Stay calm regardless of what he says, but be careful. It may infuriate him even more, so prepare for a quick exit.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Based on your other questions, the names you call him seem to be correctly descriptive adjectives. Dump the jerk. As the saying goes, you cannot make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. One of the best ways to tell if you’re in the right relationship for you is that it should make you want to be a better person, bring out the best in you.

JLeslie's avatar

I think it is really wrong. Swearing and cursing is one thing, like if he was just throwing around words like I can’t take this shit anymore. But, swearing at someone and calling them names is horrid and never acceptible.

dabbler's avatar

It’s unacceptable and unfortunately too common.
Being angry is not the same as being abusive. If one is angry and wants to accomplish something useful they won’t be abusive. If they just want to be angry that’s indulgent and immature in the worst way.

YARNLADY's avatar

Right or wrong? What is your goal? If you want to win – of course, name call, insult and be as nasty as possible.

If you want to grow in the relationship and reach a mutual bond, name calling never works.

Cruiser's avatar

If you are trowing out “jerk, douche bag, and asshole” you should not be surprised to find similar or worst coming your way. Sounds like you both need a pair of 16 ounce gloves and just have at it or just give up on the childish name calling already and find a better way to end your arguments or walk away from that nonsense.

athenasgriffin's avatar

I had a boyfriend who enjoyed calling me names while we fought. Eventually it escalated to the point that one night we were outside of a bar after a night of partying together, and he thought I had been hitting on a guy at the club and he hit me. Right there, outside of the club, in front of the bouncer, he hit me. I think he would have gone further, but the bouncer held him against the wall and I called my mom and cried.

The point of this story is break up with him.

Amazebyu's avatar

If you don’t have respect for eachothet why stay together? Calling eachother names like that is wrong. You two need to talk and start resection eachother, if you can’t then leave the relationship before physical asult takes place.

incendiary_dan's avatar

Ditch the abusive sack of shit.

SuperMouse's avatar

Between this and your other question, it sounds like dude is seriously lacking in the self-esteem department. It also sounds like you need to put as
much distance between you
and this guy as you can as
quickly as you can. Calling
names is not ok and it seems
like part of a larger pattern of behavior that raises a red flag.

Jeruba's avatar

There’s fair fighting and there’s dirty fighting. Name calling is dirty fighting.

obvek's avatar

Read Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. You’ll learn that underneath your bf’s abusive speech are unfulfilled and unarticulated needs. This isn’t to say it’s on you as the gf to fix the situation, but that the concepts in the book will help you identify this all too common way of communicating in relationships throughout your life and teach you how to be an agent of change to make those conversations more loving and affirming.

augustlan's avatar

Yes, it’s wrong. Please listen to everyone here, and get yourself out of this relationship as soon as possible.

ucme's avatar

The true nature of an individual literally “screams out” when they are angered. This seems to be the case here, in other words, he’s a vile little coward….get rid!!

LostInParadise's avatar

If you want to have a go of the relationship then, some time when you are both in calm moods, tell him that there is something that you want to talk about. Point out that the types of names that he calls you when you are arguing is unacceptable and that you really find it hurtful. If he does not offer to change, then I would have to go along with the others about dumping him.

nikkiduq's avatar

I think name calling in fights is immature.

snowberry's avatar

After you dump him, please do some work on yourself. If you don’t, you are likely to end up with another guy just as bad. There are many organizations that can help you. PM me if you want to learn more.

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