Social Question

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

What phrases in online dating make you say "Next!!"?

Asked by MyNewtBoobs (19036points) June 21st, 2011

Not so much a compatibility issue, like loves Star Wars and you hate Star Wars, but the more common phrases (or less common phrases) that signify a deeper problem? For example “likes long walks on the beach” to me signifies that you’re probably not the most original. Or “loves hiking, skiing – anything outdoors!” is often code for “if you are not as thin and healthy as I am, I will hate you” (or maybe that’s just where I live…).

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31 Answers

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I’m looking for a young, very attractive female. One person sent a message saying, “Why haven’t you posted a photo? You must be fat.” Nice.

e-Harmony had the option of using using Superstitious as a ‘like’ or ‘dislike’. Just about every male had it listed as a dislike in their top number of choices. I finally asked one guy why he thought this was. His quick response was, “They probably misread it and thought it was Suspicious.” He was the only one I ended up meeting in person.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I have never tried online dating (back when I was dating) but anything that sounded like it came from a Hallmark greeting card would be enough to turn my stomach! XD

zenvelo's avatar

“Love family get togethers, my family is very close” means to me I will see her family every weekend. I don’t want to be dating her family, and I don’t want her family pre-empting other plans.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

“Laid back, drama-free” or its sister “NO DRAMA PLZ!!!” means “Look, I get to be the dramatic one in this relationship, not you”.

HWP (Hight-weight proportional) is a thing for me – not because I don’t think it’s a reasonable request to want to be physically attracted to your partner, but because I think saying it right off that bat and putting that much emphasis on it and closing yourself off to the possibility of an otherwise perfect partner is a sign of putting too much emphasis on looks. I don’t want to be with someone who leaves me if I, you know, age… Especially since they can always just cease communication if they get your picture and are repulsed.

Paul's avatar

I’m positive black widow would put a dampener on things quite quickly. Unless you’re into that sort of thing ;-)

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@FPSMadPaul If you’re a black widow, you don’t admit to it – then the jig is up!! ;)

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’m not dating but I do see ads occasionally.

When she talks of her past lives.

@MyNewtBoobs I don’t understand what is wrong with someone saying “likes skiing…outdoors”. It means they are looking to share an activity they enjoy with a like minded partner. And, as a corollary, it means they are reasonably fit. Are there women who will want a guy who writes “likes sitting on couch watching TV or playing Angry Birds”?

ucme's avatar

Anything & everything, i’ve never felt the urge see.
Back in granny’s day online dating would have meant courting at a barn dance, she’d have a “broadband” in her hair too ;¬}

Cruiser's avatar

If they posted I hate cooking that would be a guaranteed “Next”!! Nothing is sexier or more fun that preparing a meal together in the kitchen or in the bedroom for that matter!

erichw1504's avatar

“I loooove cats!!! I have eight of the furry little creatures. No, wait. Nine of them.”

bob_'s avatar

“I hate pastrami.”

nikipedia's avatar

“Some people would describe me as eccentric.” <—-this guy has no social skills
“I’m a programmer” <——this guy has no social skills
“I play a lot of video games” <——you get the idea.

Funny story: once I got a message from a guy whose profile documented his interest in S&M in great detail, including an erotic story he had written about a Catholic school girl getting fucked by a priest. Yet he insisted he was looking for a serious, committed relationship with a loving partner—just one who wanted to be his slave girl in the bedroom (which he elaborately described).

I responded that his profile was a huge red flag screaming to any woman with self-esteem (or even an instinct for self-preservation) to get the fuck away from him. He sent back a surprised message that was both hurt and apologetic and said he had no idea how creepy he sounded. He immediately took down all the offending material, and sent me another message to tell me that ten minutes after taking it down, he had received an unsolicited message for the first time since joining the site.

I suggested he get some counseling to work on his social skills.

erichw1504's avatar

“I want to have ten kids.”

bob_'s avatar

@nikipedia And what signal does “I work in a lab” send? :)

Mariah's avatar

Even as a cat lover, this would scare me away.

nikipedia's avatar

@bob_ science is sexy!

erichw1504's avatar

“I make secret loooove potions in my underground lair!”

bob_'s avatar

@nikipedia Can’t argue with that.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@worriedguy Then maybe it’s just in my area. I live in an area where Lance Armstrong is worshiped like a god, and it’s ok to openly hate on fat people because they’re so unhealthy (so what if it’s not hurting you?). There’s a lot of people addicted to exercise. So it’s not that they want to do something outdoors, it’s that it’s not mixed in with other activities – seeing movies, going to art museums, seeing the penguins at the zoo, not treating everyone around like piss if you didn’t get a 50 mile bike ride in today… The outdoors are fine, right up until they’re all there is for you and if they aren’t for me, you get to treat me like piss because I don’t like the mountains (and not liking the mountains is less tolerated here than satanism). And it limits how you get exercise – if I’m fit and healthy from yoga and pilates and spinning classes and lifting weights, shouldn’t that be just as good as your health and fitness from mountain biking? And I would imagine that the women who like guys who sit on the couch watching tv are the women who like sitting on the couch watching tv themselves. Duh.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs Your response is exactly why dating internet sites often fail to produce better results. The process is great for preventing have to wade through bars/pubs full of people that may or may not be looking, members of these sites set restrictions based upon their likes and dislikes, not realizing what they may be ruling out. It defeats the purpose.

I feel your pain. One time, I went back to my home town in Virginia and read through the local paper’s personal ads. Out of all of the ‘Men Seeking Women’ ads, all but one mentioned being a NASCAR fanatic. The only one that didn’t said that he was looking for a lady between the age of 25 and 65.

Just don’t give up, and don’t lower your standards.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer I’m not sure you rule out any more possibilities in online dating than you do when you meet someone in a bar. Tons of people have the same restrictions of those you meet in real life, like if they don’t have the same favorite movie or book they’re gone. Someone who’s flexible is going to show that both in real life and online.

Tay122's avatar

I want a man who works. If i’m working the whole week he should too. Man Up!!

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs I’m not so sure about that. I would have been much more willing to go out with someone I met in a bar than I was from an online dating site. In person, there is more opportunity for immediate chemistry than there is online. The potential deal-breaker questions come later. By that time, one partner decides to either break it off, or it isn’t that big of a deal after all.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer See, I’m the other way around. I’d much rather go out with someone I met online than someone where my first impression of them was when they were drinking.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs LOL! I’m not going to argue with that from a personal perspective. I met my SO on an internet site, although it isn’t a dating site. My last response was more of a general opinion. I have just as many friends in successful relationships that met at a bar as those that met online. Probably more.

I gave up the bar scene years ago, so my response had more to do with age and maturity, but there is still a grain of truth in it. People who meet in person and feel a connection are more willing to give an encounter a chance than those on an internet site.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer People who meet in person and feel a connection are more willing to give an encounter a chance than those on an internet site. I don’t know that that’s true for my generation. It probably is for yours, but your generation (warning: overgeneralization) not only “sees” the internet as much more foriegn, but pubs and bars were much more of a social experience, whereas now they’ve become much more about drinking and gaming than just hanging out with friends and meeting new people. On the other hand, much of my generation isn’t really familiar with the bar scene, but finds the internet to be totally organic. Most of my friends have met more than a handful of people via the internet (although not always dating sites) – but it’s now much more common to get a roommate, a game buddy, a carpool, a new drinking buddy, etc via the internet. I have one friend who has met in person no less than 100 people from Twitter alone (and not a one of them has raped her or done anything worse than be a bit of a mooch).

zenvelo's avatar

A woman just “winked” at me with this on her profile: I am an average women looking for a average husband who will take care of me spend the rest of my life with .

An utter turn off.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs I would agree with you that the generation statement is an over-generalization when it comes to dating sites. It is because they do not have the need; they are already in a steady relationship. When it comes to other social sites like Twitter, Facebook, etc., many claim to be too busy with their personal lives to get involved in social sites, and I don’t blame them. It has nothing to do with concerns, other than the handful that read one sensational story about the evils of social internet sites.

As for the bar scene, I have no idea if it is different or the same than when we used to hang out in them. My friends and I used to meet at them for a meal, socializing, and occasionally for a sports event or a game. Our intent wasn’t to search out a mate, although that happened on a rare occasion, as it still does.

Our widowed mother, who is 85, is quite competent on the computer, as are many of her friends from that generation. She has been contacted by past friends who have searched her out, and they communicate via e-mail. Surprising, at least to me, but true.

@zenvelo That statement would be a “Next” for me as well.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer Ok, well, if you don’t like online dating, you don’t have to use it. But could you please not poo-poo it for those who do? Especially seeing as how, on another thread, you mentioned how you don’t like to judge things that don’t involve you without all the facts of each individual case.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs I did the online dating site venue for six months (see the very first post on this thread.) I met my fiance online, although not on a dating site. My brother and several friends found their mate from participating in an online dating site. I am all for online sites as a source of finding a friend, a partner, a contractor. I have recommended sites to others. I don’t “pooh-pooh” it.

The point I was attempting to make is that, from what I have witnessed, people are more likely to give another a chance based upon a physical meeting, be it in a bar or anywhere else, than they are based upon a self-description posted on an internet site.

This thread, started by you, is chalk-full of examples where people are willing to quickly dismiss someone for one simple post. Granted, some of the examples are extreme, but not all of them. Your first answer on this thread is a prime example of making an assumption about a person’s motive for what might or might not be the actual reason.

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